Chapter 11 - I Have To Face It

Selena's POV:

“If you want five minutes to speak, you better learn the meaning of respect. If you don’t, I walk away. You have nothing to say to me that would pick my interest anyway.”

He sits there so relaxed and with a towering attitude that makes me so angry.

“I’m giving you respect.”

No, you didn’t! Has he smirked at me? Who the fuck does he think he is? What’s the matter with this guy? Jesus Christ!

“OK. That’s it.” I have killer instincts at this point. “Would you stop?”

“Stop what?”

Is he in a trance or something? I can’t see him clearly. Everything is blurred right now.

I see he is in front of me and such, but I can’t see details on his face like his grimace.

“Listen. How old are you?”

He is young from what I saw this morning. I think younger than me.

“Why?” He annoys me at maximum speed with each word that comes out of him.

“You look young. Younger than me. How old?” I talk like an elder.

“28.” He answers without delay.

“Then for you, I’m miss Dutchmond. Got that?” I raise my eyebrow at him though I would punch him on the spot for all this shit.

“Well, how old are you then?”

Gosh! I hate the guy!

“31.”

In my mind right now are 20 ways to kill a billionaire. All good for me to apply, if it weren’t for my state. I have nothing to lose. I have already lost everything.

“Not much older than me.” He chuckles.

He thinks he’s all that because he has money and power in the business world. This guy thinks that if he’s a billionaire, he can do anything he wants. I roll my eyes at him.

“What do you want from me? Let’s get over with it.”

Just fucking say what you want and let me go. I need air and something icy to cool off from what’s happening inside me. I feel like throwing up.

“You.”

And that’s my cue to leave. It’s not happening. Jerk!

“You’re out of your mind. Goodbye.” I stand up and leave.

“One million dollars for a night with you.” The blood rush, ravaging my veins, is hitting me hard when I hear that.

He said what?! No, he didn’t! I could destroy the coffee shop with him right this instant! Who the fuck does he think I am

I turn around, though each move I make gets me dizzy. Good it’s only inside and I can keep myself like a normal person outside.

“Even for one billion dollars, I would never sleep with you. Hammer that to your damn mind! If you’ll ever see me in a place, I suggest taking the other way, if you know what’s good for you. Hope I’ll never see you again!” I rage at him and leave for the exit. The anger I have makes me walk on my feet and win over my state.

I get out from the coffee shop.

“You son of a bitch! Who the fuck do you think you are?! Jesus! I want to kill him with my bare hands! Does he think I’m a whore? You fucking shit! Gosh! I hate men so much!”

I reach my car, after my rant that I couldn’t keep inside, get in, slam the door, and drive as a mad man as I clearly am right now. It’s not dangerous, my sight is better now. I can see now in detail. When I express myself and get it out of my chest, my inside becomes better. I hate my life. Deeply. I just want it to end. Does he think I’m a joke? Is this a billionaire’s game or something? Do they think human lives are a play?

I drive the car around, without aim, for an hour or so. Thoughts from every corner of these 16 years to present moment eat my mind alive. I see a supermarket. I pull over and park the car. I’m a mess. I feel like shit. I’m a shit. I want to scream out all my sorrows. I want to cry. I want to not give a damn on anything. I want to be free of all this. I’m so tired. I’m so out of my mind.

While my head is palpitating and my neck is like clenched on my left side, I find myself making a call. I don’t know whom I called. It happens so fast. I have the phone at my ear. When I hear the voice, I break into tears.

“Selena?” I don’t know why I’ve called Don.

Maybe because I have no one to call except my parents, Marta and him. Since my financial situation collapsed, all the suit of friends I had turned into strangers. So much for real ones. I couldn’t call my parents. They need me strong and not take my weak side. Marta, I couldn’t call, it’s too much to explain and I’m tired. And I don’t know how much she would understand. Probably that’s why my mind has chosen Don.

“Are you crying? Selena! What happened? Say something! You make me go crazy! Where are you?” He’s in distress. I shouldn’t have called him. He’s not obligated to take my shit.

“Don?” I start sobbing.

“Baby, please. Just tell me already. I’ve never heard you crying. I’m on to my car. Tell me where you are right now, I’m coming.” I hear his car when it closes.

“I don’t know why I’ve called you.” Still sobbing. “I’m so sorry.” I attempt to take a grip over my emotions, but I can’t. I worry him and I don’t want that.

“You did good to call me. Why are you saying sorry? You know you mean the world to me. What happened? Where are you?” He keeps a soothing voice that calms me a bit.

“I’m… I’m done with everything, Don. I can’t take it anymore. I’m so tired, Don. I just want everything to end. I feel worthless. I feel like I don’t matter anymore. I just need it to stop. I’ve fought a lot these years. I’ve tried, Don. I’m at the end already. I have to face it.” I sob and I get a dim voice. I’m tired.