87 The Weight of Duty.

All of my responsibilities can wait. All of them but one.

"I'm going to appoint a new knight among your guards in about a week," I muttered quietly when she cuddled to my chest with a smile, wrapped into the thin blanket. 

"I feel like a golden goose. There are so many men in front of my rooms it's almost uncomfortable. A kitten would be more appreciated," She chuckled and it made me recall the conversation we had when she was pregnant for the first time. Maybe every mother tends to hoard babies, no matter their origin.

"Promise me you'll be careful. Stay in the castle until I can return to you, the conflict is hopefully not going to drag on for much longer than the next spring -" I comforted her quietly when she jumped into my speech.

"You are going to be away for a year?" Valleria froze, suddenly completely awake "I'm going with you!" Her voice was louder than a moment ago, filled with anger and - fear. She feared so much for my life I had to grit my teeth. I knew she lost more than enough in the last uprising held against my father, but this was different. This time, it was me who gathered an army and decided to discipline those impudent fuckers.

"No, it's dangerous and I need to be sure you are safe to be able to sleep at ease," I held her firmly when she tried to pull away and repeated: "It's something I want to do personally, we already talked about this. I'm not going to send my men to war while sitting in a cozy chair. I'm sorry for making you cry." 

I tightened the embrace around her twitching frame, feeling unworthy of trying to wipe her tears. Her muffled sobs she tried to hide in front of me tormented me worse than if she tried to scream at me.

"We both have our separate battles to fight. You have to be strong, my love. For our children and our people, too," I whispered to her ear, carefully feeling the bulge on her stomach with my left hand. "There is no one better suited I'd entrusted such duty. You have to understand."

"I - I know - I - I - just -" She tried to explain herself but ended up simply pressing her face in my chest, unable to talk. More tears escaped her eyes like broken dams, flowing freely down her cheeks. I felt her sorrow seep into my very bones, like a heavy suffocating weight.

The responsibility of leading our people, of securing a safer future for our children, loomed over me like a shadow.

She eventually fell asleep, still trembling now and then like a child, until she finally relaxed.

The night sky already turned a paler shade of dark blue and I knew I had no chance to fall asleep tonight. Gently, I pulled away from her, careful not to disturb her precious slumber. As I rose from the bed, I couldn't help but admire the sight of her curves that I knew so well now bathed in the soft glow of the morning light. 

I carefully traced the curve of her bared hip with my fingers. Her skin felt like silk beneath my touch and I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of her body.

When I noticed her eyelids still red from all that cry, with salty paths dried up on her cheeks, my heart swelled with love and guilt. Without thinking, I went to fetch a paper from my desk and went back to the bedroom, with the intention to capture the moment in a quick sketch.