8 Chapter 8: Reflections

I am stupid.

After coming home from that surreal experience, I did not have my usual energy and went to bed early on. However, I could not sleep a wink. Ryuu already went to Dreamland while I was stuck here staring at the dark ceiling.

This brought me back to my early memories. Those super boring times when I had to stare at the ceiling to kill time are another nightmare that I would not easily forget. Still, it is very useful when I am contemplating my decisions.

One such decision of mine that I would like to reprimand is the one from earlier. Because I have been blinded thoroughly by the prospect of magic, I unhesitantly followed a magician. Even if there was no enemy fighting him, just being discovered by a magician is a severe threat. How could I fight against such beings?

The one I saw might have been beaten down by that wolf-like creature, but he is still a magician. Moreover, I learned of their true prowess by "memorizing" the contents of their smartphone.

It was supposed to be engraved with magic circles which block anyone other than its owner. If I try to open it with the power button, it would appear as a black screen.

I am just fortunate enough for it to be broken when the magician died, cutting off his connection to the phone and leading to the magic circles' deactivation. That is why he did not have any password of sorts.

Apart from that, I "memorized" most of its contents in my head. I understood more of it when my knowledge grew further.

I know they could cast a spell after reciting a verse. Less than two seconds and they could cast a lethal spell that could kill a normal human. There's also what they call "Ceremonial Magic" where they place meanings into their gestures. With it, they can call a strong gust of wind in a single snap of their fingers.

They also have their basic weapon, the liquid mercury. They could manipulate it in different shapes and imbue sharpness and toughness in it.

Other than that, I could think of 100 more ways how a magician could easily kill me. That is why I am cringing at my stupidity a few hours ago.

This realization doused me with cold water. The world isn't as simple as it seems. It is no longer the "normal" world that I am aware of.

It is something fraught with dangers, as seen from that magician and the wolf monster. This made me realize that before spouting words like "I will need to get stronger to protect my loved ones", I need to change this dangerous mindset.

I need to have vigilance towards danger before I practice magic carelessly. If someone sees any traces of mana in our place, we will be in danger.

Hence, the reason why I chose not to touch the practical side of magic. As long as I don't have anything similar to an "anti-magic training room", magic is a no-go.

Who knows, there could be an Inquisitor from the Holy See and massacre us without any hesitation. The magicians whom I admired at first turned out to be people living in hiding.

The world does not accept their presence in public.

If an unaffiliated magician causing chaos entered the sight of the government, they would immediately send a capture order. Dozens of armed men with guns isn't something that most magicians could face.

There's also the Holy See who treated magicians as "heretics" who challenge the authority of god. To them, they are blasphemous and unclean beings.

It is ironic that the most prominent magic system is Kaballah—something closely related to their religion.

If I carelessly practice magic in such a world, something bad will definitely happen. Until I have the necessary knowledge to completely conceal my identity as a magician, everything would stay like this.

*****

I opened my eyes to the familiar ceiling. Rays of sunshine passed through the gaps in our windows. Thankfully, it did not hit my face like before, allowing me to sleep more peacefully.

My sluggish mind soon became active.

'A dream.'

I had a dream where I became a magician. I used the spells that I knew of, drawing the magic circles out of thin air using mana and manipulating the fundamental forces of the world. It felt so vivid that only when I woke up did I realize that all is but a dream. However, there's one thing that is true.

Magic.

I recalled yesterday's scenes. That night when I reprimanded myself due to my dangerous actions. I still feel stupid now. Really. But then, I made careful considerations for my potential use of magic.

I stood up and sat on our comfy bed. As usual, Ryuu is taking his time sleeping. He was earlier than me last night yet he's still sleeping. How I wish to picture his face right now.

That'll be good blackmail material in the future, heh.

'The fundamentals. I need to learn it.'

In order to blend into modern society, magicians have to learn the proper control of their mana. Most children with magician parents usually have their guidance that made it easier to learn magic. I, on the other hand, don't have any of such, which is why I need to learn "mana control" thoroughly.

This is one of the most basic fundamental knowledge of a magician. Aside from computations, they use this ability the most. They use it while casting spells, strengthening themselves, or even scanning the surroundings. Mana is a part of their "senses", thus it is possible to do so. Most importantly, magicians rely on their mana control to construct complex spells.

It could also be used as a disguise. The greater their control, the better their disguise would be. They would look no different from normal humans with such finesse.

In one of the books that I have read, first-class magicians can perfectly do this. They can avoid the watchful gazes of high-rank Inquisitors with their disguises.

'Modify the practice time of mana control to ten years later?'

The familiar itch in my chest appeared before this thought followed. As I had expected, I could now use my cheats in magic after coming in contact with it.

'I have a single chance left. I should plan this first.'

Resisting the urge to think of "Confirm", I thought of canceling it. Then, that strange feeling disappeared.

'Aside from mana control, I have to learn anti-magic first…'

With those thoughts, my serene morning passed by swiftly.

*****

"Tou-san, I'll be going to the playground."

"Alright. Take care."

"Um."

Before I could go outside the door, I heard Ryuu shouting smugly:

"Say hello to your 'friend' for me."

I noticed his unusual emphasis on the word 'friend'.

"I see, I see. My little brother is now teasing me." I said. "You still want that ice cream?"

I "smiled" in his direction menacingly. I saw him pull back that smug look within a split second.

"...I want it."

"Hehe… Behave well next time."

I left those words jokingly while I chortled. I wore my outer footwear and headed to the familiar street outside. I couldn't help but be uneasy as the memories of yesterday haunted me yet again.

That feeling of your heartbeats becoming weaker and all the warmth disappearing is a distinct feeling. Sometimes, I "feel" it even if I don't experience it.

"Ugh…"

Chills were sent down my spine as that sensation came back once more. I could feel my hands becoming colder while I walked, too. Just… This is how it feels like to live after a near-death situation.

I could sympathize with those soldiers who barely came back alive. Before, I did not know how much they are suffering mentally. It's not like they could shrug those feelings off as they wanted.

Even if I think that it is not happening, my body thinks that it is STILL happening.

"Fu… I prefer a normal life more."

I had those thoughts last night; to not associate myself with magic and live a completely normal life. However, would it be fine to do so? What if the trouble itself approaches me? Could I defend myself from it? Not only that, there is also a side of mine that longs for it. Magic is dangerous, yes, but it is something that most humans yearn for.

That's why as long as I could proceed with it safely, I would still go for it.

I couldn't ignore something that is right in front of me.

My thoughts were halted as soon as I arrived in the familiar playground. Since it is currently summer, there are more than a dozen kids playing with each other. The atmosphere is vibrant under the afternoon sky. I can feel the heat going through my shirt, but my mind was refreshed instead. My rapid worries were soon quelled with this vibe.

"Summer… How did I yearn for it back then."

The memories of my past life are already faint, yet the emotions hidden in those are etched deeply in me. One of those is the yearning for summer.

When someone is a kid, they do not value those times and spend them in a carefree manner.

When someone is a teenager, they take it for granted that they'll have a colorful summer.

When someone is an adult, they would not have any more time for summer.

That's how life is.

"For now, I want to enjoy this time as a child."

With those thoughts, I fell into a daze.

*****

Two days had passed since the fever incident. Now that Hitori had let out her embarrassment and other mixed feelings, she decided to check out the playground. She does not have anything to do in summer as she had no friends, so every day is quite a torture to her. Simply put, she is bored.

'Others go out with their friends during summer, build secret bases and the likes…'

She lamented that she could not have experiences like that. Though, she's fine with it now that she has a friend–something that she could not have imagined in a thousand years. Not like she could live that long.

Even now, she could not explain how she got Nobu as her friend. Overthinking is one of her strong perks.

"I'd like to repaint the world if I could.."

(Dekireba sekai wo boku wa nurikaetai…)

"Not something as far-fetched as eliminating wars…"

(Sensou wo nakusu you na daisoreta koto janai…)

"But that could be interesting too…"

(Dakedo chotto sore mo aru yo na…)

Hearing this song amidst the noisy children, Hitori immediately recognized this as one of the songs that her father loved listening to—Korogaru Iwa, Kimi ni Asa ga Furu (Rockn' Roll, Morning Light Falls on You).

She recalls her father playing this song on his guitar. To him who has been a fan of that band since their time in Yokohama (1996), he often said how he loved their songs from the start.

Her father sang it with nostalgia. On the other hand–

'Wow…'

–Nobu sang it with a hopeful look. She felt his longing for the future. This formed a contrasting image of his. She saw him as a loner, but he now has the looks of a sunny child. What's more, she noticed another aspect of his.

'He's… handsome.'

As she paid more attention to their interactions rather than his looks, she did not notice it until now. His white hair matches his bright golden pupils that shone with a light of wisdom. The mature aura that surrounded him made a stark contrast to other children. In total, he looks very attractive. It does not even sound surprising to hear that there are some girls who have a crush on him.

For the first time, the girl with social anxiety became conscious of his appearance–just like the other children of her age.