Chapter 13: Sam's POV (Heavy chapter)

I am a weakling.

Always have, and probably always will be.

The only thing that I can be proud of myself is my ability to tolerate pain and my persistence.

To be fair, I was not born with that kind of ability. It was only after days and months and years of constantly working my body out to the point of collapsing that I managed to feel less pain.

Thousands of battles, duels, and spars.

Countless times I got beaten up to a pulp.

It made me who I am today.

It was clear since my younger years, I did not have a good talent for magic.

My affinity was low, and my mana pool was small. The only way for me to be on par with my peers was by using Creation magic.

The more elements combined in a spell, the more unstable and more powerful it became. That was the basis of Creation Magic. However, the percentage of mana, how to balance the elements, what would be the combination, no one could teach me.

It was like riding a bike. You do not 'learn' how to ride it, it just sort of is.

People with good affinity could just feel how much of a particular element they needed, I could not.

I could only experiment.

My current most powerful spell, Fire Bombs using simultaneously with Physical Enhancement, was the result of a whole 3 years of experimentation back in high school. Thanks to it, I was able to barely pass the Magic Academy entrance examination.

And even that started out very humble, with just fire bomb, which I learned back in my middle school years.

At first, it was painful. So incredibly painful.

I could not maintain the balance between fire and the pressure of the wind on the inside of it. Thus, I blew my body off. A magic-user was never immune to their own magic. Especially me.

The sound of bones breaking was horrifying. The pain coming after it was immense. The sight of whitish bone protruding out from underneath the skin was petrifying.

Crying from the pain, the younger me dealt with it alone. I can still remember the feeling of blood dripping on the ground. The smell of iron was always apparent near me.

Mom and Dad were nice parents. But for them to be able to provide me the best education I needed, meant that they were never around. Yet I had to ask them to pay for my hospital fee on top of everything else.

I suffered the pain, I had no time for gaming or friends, I used up all of my money and allowance whenever I had the chance.

All for the purpose of being with my childhood friend.

If I am being completely honest, I do not really know if I ever loved Marie that much. There was no particular memory that would make my obsession for her justifiable.

And yet, she was the whole world to me.

Everything that I did, was to bring myself closer to her.

Seeing Marie kissing Hero was devastating.

Her rejection was also devastating.

It drove me mad, so mad that I had nothing else to do but to choose the stupidest thing anyone can choose. That was to challenge Hero.

He did not do anything wrong.

He was in love with her. Just like I did.

She chose him instead of me and it should have been fine. Why did I react in such a way, why did I let jealousy and envy take a hold of me, I have no clue.

When I saw her running into the arena, a part of me was happy.

However, she came for the hero and intended to kill me off. The last hope in the deepest corner of my heart vanished.

A duel was sacred. Everyone knew that. Under no circumstances should anyone come in between a duel. It was a matter of respect towards the competitors.

Marie clearly did not have any respect for me. She went in and interrupted a solo match, with my life on the line.

It was clear. I was no more than a worm to her.

From then on, I am free of chains.

I am also free of purpose.

I used to have shackles, but the shackles were my everything. It showed me the way.

Now that it is gone, my shoulders have been lifted. Still, I do not know what I am, or who I am anymore. In front of me is nothing but darkness and hopelessness.

My whole life up till this point was built around a purpose. It was my means to live. The motivation for me to drive forward.

That purpose, just like my left eye, is now but an ugly scar, hidden underneath all these bandages.

What is a man without a purpose?

Why am I studying in the Magic Academy, where only the top of the country can go.

Someone like me is taking a well-deserved spot of probably a genius out there, who can bring this world to final peace.

What is the point of me living?

I can see Lily harbors feelings for me. And it is by no means light and insignificant. She is beautiful, she has a great talent. She has a clear goal in life. Lily will be a great doctor in the future.

As for me, how can I reciprocate her love, when I do not even value myself? I am going to be a huge burden for her if I accept to be her boyfriend. She does not deserve to experience the false hope that I did.

I just do not know what I am going to do from here.

I am lost.

Walking towards the school, I can see that my body is lighter.

Like I do not even exist.