1 I was supposed to be dead

I stood motionless in front of the mirror, looking at the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my ill-fated short life. As I gasped in awe the girl in the mirror gasped. As I shook my head in disbelief the girl did the same.

This. Can. Not. Be. Happening.

"Oh Jenn, thank god…"

A beautiful middle-aged woman burst into the room and hugged me tight.

"You are finally back, sweetie…"

The lady was shedding what seemed to be tears of joy.

I stood there in confusion as she embraced me and ran her hands over my face, patting me on the head, hugging me again, and kissing me on the cheek.

I had no idea how this could be happening, but I understood what was happening.

"Mo…mother?"

"Yes, I'm here. I've always been here. We've all waited for you. Oh, thank god…"

"Wha…what happened?"

"Honey, something terrible happened but now everything is okay. Let's get you checked by the doctor"

"Yes, ma'am'", a lady in a smart suit standing behind the woman that was supposed to be my mother answered - since when was she there?

She said a few things into the smartwatch on her wrist, and a man came rushing into the room.

"Ma'am, we need to lay her down for now"

So he must be the doctor.

My 'mother' then slowly walked me back to a big… princess bed..?!

She made me lie down there and the doctor quickly sat next to us, opening his bag of medical equipment.

He measured my pulse, blood pressure, and temperature and used a light torch to look into my eyes. I almost felt like it was the first time I'd ever seen lights and it felt so blinding.

"Sorry about that, but we had to check"

He then motioned me to sit up, which I duly obliged. He put his both hands on each side of my head and asked me to close my eyes. After that, he gently swayed and swung my head in all sorts of directions. What's he even doing?

"Do you feel dizzy?"

"A little"

"Just a little?"

"Er… yeah, you are swinging my head"

"Do you feel like vomiting?"

"No"

"Thank you, that will be it for now. Ma'am, I think she will be fine. But we should bring her to hospital for thorough check"

"Thank you, doctor. You've been of great help", my…. Mother… answered gratefully.

Everything was so confusing and I needed some time alone to process things in my head, but I needed some information first.

"Mom…? What happened?"

"You were in a terrible car accident. Doctors couldn't find anything wrong with you but you could not wake up for three days. We thought you'd feel better resting in familiar surroundings so brought you home and had our family doctor stay and look after you. Thank god again you are fine now", she was almost in tears again.

"How... Did this 'accident' happen?"

"Oh, it was horrible… I don't think it's good to tell you now. Please just rest until you are better and we can talk things through"

"No! I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!", I snapped and shouted.

That seemed to have surprised my 'mother' and she was taken aback, and so was I.

"Honey, don't strain yourself. Don't worry about it for now"

"Mom… I really need to know-. If I don't know what happened how am I supposed to make sense of all this?"

":Sigh:… if you insist… It was truly horrible. Tan was driving you back home, and something happened and the car crashed"

"So what exactly happened?"

"Sweetie, it was just too horrible. If you don't remember it's better to keep it that way"

"Mom, please… I'm so confused right now and it's driving me crazy…"

Then my 'mom' looked at the doctor, who gave a cautious nod of approval.

"Hana, please explain it to Jenn. I can't do it myself. Keep it brief"

"Yes, Ma'am", this Hana woman bowed her head in acceptance and began to explain.

"Miss, just as the car was passing below a high bridge, someone dropped from the bridge and crashed into the windscreen of the car. Tan lost control of the car for a moment and crashed into the fence. Luckily, that was enough to stop the car and the car did not fall into the river"

"Jesus Christ!", both my 'mother' and Hana looked at me in shock as I let out a scream.

This is bad. Like really bad.

"Oh… sorry about that… so… what happened to this person that fell on the car?"

"Jenn, you don't need to worry about that for now. We will tell you everything in due course"

"Mom -, I really need to know. Was he okay?"

"He's still in a coma as far as I'm aware", Hana responded.

I didn't know what to say anymore and there was momentary silence between us all.

"Tan is also okay if you wanted to know", Hana told me with a little curious look on her face.

"Who is Tan?"

"Oh dear…", my 'mom' let out a sigh and looked over to the doctor.

"Ma'am, it can happen that she has a temporary loss of memory. But we saw no permanent damage to the brain. Give her some time and everything should be back to normal"

"Thank you, doctor"

"Please… could everybody get out for now… I think I need to rest…"

'Mother' threw a scolding glance to HHana, as if to say 'you didn't have to tell her all that'.

"Ok, sweetie. But we will have Dr. Joo here stay and monitor you"

"No. EVERYONE. Please. I want to be alone for a while"

"Ma'am. I think it's okay. I will arrange for a transfer to the hospital for a check-up shortly. Young miss can have some rest till then. It's a lot to process"

'Mother' then sighed, put her warm hand on mine for a moment, then hesitantly left the room with everyone.

I did not lie back down after they left. Instead, I sat on 'my' bed balled up embracing my knees with these slender arms and buried my face in them.

How did this all happen… why didn't I die…

I'm sorry mom… dad… it would have been better for everyone if I just died. My family wasn't affluent enough to keep 'my' body in the intensive care for too long, but I knew they would be doing everything they can to prolong the life of what is now probably a brain-dead body of mine, somewhere in another hospital around here.

I should have just died as I intended… but what do I do now? What would happen if I died now, in this body? Would my real body die too? But what about this 'mother'… and everyone else that 'this girl' is related to. Her family, and friends - just by looking at her/myself in the mirror earlier and judging by how my 'mother' was treating me I can only imagine she is very much loved. Do I have the right to end this girl's life because I failed to end mine? Destroy what I could only imagine being a happy family with my selfishness?

What am I thinking?! I was already being selfish trying to kill myself, leaving my own family behind. How heartbroken my parents must be now…

But I had no choice… why…?

Then the memories came flashing back to me. All the horrible things I suffered as 'myself' just until, supposedly, a few days ago. What drove me to take my own life, which I pathetically failed and ended up in this new mess.

All the strength in my body left me and I flopped onto this most exquisitely comfortable bed.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and I didn't know what I should do now.

After laying like that for a long time, my mind was getting clearer and I became certain of at least one thing I must do now - I have to see my own body with my own eyes.

I noticed a little intercom on the bedside table. This must be how I call for… er… room service?

I pressed the call button anyway and recognized that the voice on the other end was that of Hana, the woman who was with my mother earlier.

"I am ready now. Please bring me to the hospital"

"Yes, Miss. We shall get ready"