02

It was nearly afternoon when I came back. I saw Uncle Ino in front of the door, reading a magazine.

“Nix? Where have you been? I haven’t seen you inside the cell a while ago,” he uttered when he saw me.

Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell him as I was in a hurry to leave.

“Uhm, I went outside. You know, to clear things out,” I said and pretended to laugh.

He gave me a doubtful look, not buying my excuses.

“I know you, Aerin. Is something bothering you?” He asked, worried.

He called me Aerin, which means he’s seriously acting like my father.

Uncle Ino is the brother of my father. That is why I call him, ‘uncle.’ He’s known to be Ino here in the cell; it’s a code name we use if any of the prisoners or lawyers would ask about us. It’s not really necessary though, but my uncle likes to play it cool. Also, we do not want to get involved with the elites, so, we use code names for safety purposes. It’s not an act of lying since Nix is really a part of my name and so is Uncle.

“Nope, my dear father. Nothing’s bothering me,” I assured him.

“If only your father was here,” he started. I immediately look at him and he was looking in a direction with no context.

“Hep, hep, hep! Uncle, let’s not be dramatic, okay? Come on, it’s still early,” I tried to cheer him up and did my best to smile.

“I just miss your father,” he mumbled.

I miss him, too.

“Everyone does.” I blurted without realizing that I was saying my thoughts. I just gave him a small smile and took my leave to make myself busy.

Suddenly, the day became gloomy. Hearing about my father really makes me sad. It makes me remember all the good and bad memories we had.

My father is a well-known person in the industry. He’s loved by many people because of his will to help and his advocacies for a good society. We use to hold a charity event or a voluntary event to help people in need. Same as my mom. They were very helpful that no one even dared to hate them.

How I wish they’re still here.

I sighed at that and shook my head, thinking it would help in clearing my thoughts.

I went inside the kitchen and look for some ingredients I could use for cooking.

This place is really cool. It’s like a private house with a prisoner’s cell on the left, a house on the right, and the second floor. This place has actually been my escape for the past three years now. Uncle Ino trusts me in this house since his son rarely has the opportunity to come home. That guy is taking on the industry now.

My cousin, Phoenix, is the only cousin I have. He’s younger than me by month.

Ironic, isn't it? Says my mind.

My father and his father must’ve planned it ahead. That’s is why we both have, ‘Nix’ on our names.

Phoenix is like my younger brother. He used to be so small but now, he’s a lot taller than me.

I wonder when will he come home.

With that thought, I smiled. How I wish everything was as normal as before.

Sighing, I went to grab the pasta and mushrooms. I’ll probably cook Carbonara.

Minutes after cooking, I’ve prepared the plate in a tray and head straight to the kitchen area.

“Oh, Nix! Wow, you cooked?” Sean, the chef, asked when he saw me inside. He’s one of the staff here. He cooks food for the prisoners every day. Sean and I were at the same age.

“Ah, yeah. Can I, uhm, ask a favor?” I stuttered and placed the tray on an empty table.

“Sure, what is it?” He claimed and smiled.

“Can you give this to Prisoner 002516?” I mumbled and handed him the tray.

He looked confused, “Who?”

“You heard it,” I uttered like I won’t repeat what I said. “I kind of offended him earlier? So, this will be my peace offering.” I mumbled as if I’m guilty of what happened.

“Since when did you cook for a prisoner?” He doubted and looked at me with subtle eyes.

“I was just curious about his case and he’s not in for it so, yeah,” I said like he knows what happened next.

A few moments of silence surrounded us until he spoke.

“Why don’t you just go back to your career, then? Wouldn’t it be better if you give it a second chance?” He asked and it caught off the cuff.

The thought of going back scares me. I have no reasons to go back ‘cause the last time I tried, I nearly died. And I lost the only family I had.

Pursuing your dreams can really be a terrifying step. It’s either you run from it or risk it all.

“You know the reason why,” I whispered.

“There’s a lot of people who need your help. There’s a lot of victims who want justice. What are you so afraid of?”

“Stop.” I breathed heavily in between his words. I felt like a lightning struck through my chest hearing those phrases. “Just stop, please.” I halted and sighed.

“I’m sorry, I-I was just trying to help you,” he apologized. “Look, I respect you, okay? But you can’t live by the past. It’ll just consume you from what you really need to look at.”

I know.

But,

How could I go back if I continue to live by the fear of the past?

We talked for a few more minutes and I noticed how he tried to avoid the topic we talked about earlier.

Sean is my childhood friend. I don’t know why he chose to work here, he said he didn’t want me to be alone. He left his career just to protect me. I even got mad at him for doing that but soon after, I accepted it.

I feel guilty every time I see them here. It pains me to see Uncle Ino, Sean, and all the other people being stuck with me, losing their careers because of me.

All they wanted was to protect me, but all I gave them was danger and failures.

If only my parents were here.

If only my father is here. He would’ve taken away the pain.