Will Make You a Pyromaniac
''You are going to do what?''
''Breakthrough.''
Li Ao raised his head from the bowl of spirit chicken soup—beads of oil dripped down his stubble cheeks.
''What's wrong?''
On the long table that housed almost twenty people, including the busiest members like his grandpa, Li Nan and Li Ru, a deathly silence fell.
Everyone looked at his silly appearance with strange looks.
''...how long has it been since you began to cultivate again?''
''Two and a half months?''
His grandpa rubbed his temples. ''And when did you begin to cultivate your soul?''
''Two weeks I think.''
Li Huan, Li Huan, and Li Yun stared at him with open jaws. The twins banged their utensils on the table.
''You scammer!'''
''Grandpa, this guy must be possessed by a demon!''
Li Yun almost fell over from his chair. ''Lock him up, cut him up! What kind of heavenly shit did you eat!?''
Li Nan smacked his head and forced him to sit.
''What are you all surprised about? It's all my stored up angst and grit!''
Raising his spoon to the air, Li Ao spoke in a high and heroic tone.
''After cultivating my mind on mortal fiction for years, attaining enlightenment on heaven and earth, enduring solitude of twenty days in dark, is it any wonder that I can cultivate my way to the peak?''
As he spoke so, he licked the few drops of soup remaining on his chin.
''Bullshit!'' Li Yun shouted. ''Come over here, you!''
''Pipe down!'' Li Nan smacked him again. The boy let out a squeal, covered his hand, then continued glaring at Li Ao's silly look.
Li Ao frowned at him. ''Why are you so offended, you idiot?''
''Leave the boy alone, Ao.'' Li Shi sighed. Most of them returned to eating their food, clink and clanks accompanying the few mutters at the head of the table.
''He shouldn't glare at me then—''
Li Ru muttered as he nibbled on a chicken leg. ''The boy just lost his only competition left in the family, is it any wonder he is upset?''
Li Nan shook her head. ''I think he is more upset that he lost to a retard.''
''...you bunch of bullies!''
''Alright.''
When the patriarch, their grandpa spoke, everyone fell silent.
He cast Li Ao a subtle glance. ''When do you plan to?''
''Tomorrow.''
''...tomorrow?'' Li Shi looked worried. ''Li Ao, it isn't any good to rush cultivation. It will only hurt your foundation.''
''Right.'' Li Ru nodded. He was licking the chicken bone clean with disgusting strokes of his long tongue.
There wasn't a scrap of meat left on it...
''Don't be so anxious because you started late. You aren't competing with anyone but yourself. It isn't worth it to stunt your growth.''
''I'm not rushing.'' Li Ao shook his head. ''I'm really ready—''
Li Nan caught his ear between two fingers and pulled it red. ''You brat, are you going to ignore your elders' wisdom!?''
''Nannan!''
The one who spoke was Li Yun's father, one of the Nascent Soul elders, named Li Xuanhe. He also had short black hair and small brown eyes, as well as a large build shared by most elders of the family.
He happened to be Li Nan's master in Divination.
''When did you leg-high chicken bastards became seniors, huh!?''
...and Li Nan's master in anger management.
''Li Ao!'' Turning his big furious eyebrows to him, Li Xuanhe cast a terrible glare. ''Don't be hasty and ruin yourself, or I'll kill you!''
''...okay, granduncle.''
''Let children be children, will you?''
The one who spoke was an elderly woman seated at the head throne. She was not just a Nascent Soul Elder, but also the oldest living member of the family, aunt of his grandpa.
''Grand-great aunt...''
Shivering, playing with her loose front tooth, the woman let out ''eeh' and ''aah'' sounds while clearing her throat. ''Right, Ziyang?''
''...''
Face slightly dark, his grandpa turned to Li Ao. ''Is there anything you need?''
Li Ao shook his head.
''I just need a good formation to protect the rest of the estate and the city.''
''Braggart!''
Li Shi blocked Li Nan's smack from hitting Li Yun.
''How strong?''
Hearing the patriarch's aloof and understanding tone, Li Xuanhe turned curious as well.
Li Yun continued stuffing mouth and spitting. ''Uncle, surely he is bragging?''
Li Huan(m) scratched his nose. ''Does it run in the blood?''
''Sh, we twins managed to go a week without getting smacked—do you want to break record so early?''
Li Ao ignored the idiot twins and looked at his grandpa.
''Well, it shouldn't be too strong—one strand of Hell Thunder at most?''
Li Ru cast a weird glance at him. ''Heavenly Thunder? A strand isn't good, though?''
''I said Hell Thunder.''
''Huh?''
''...''
''Can you not fall silent every few words!? What is wrong with you people!?''
''Consecutive breakthroughs can't call down Hell Thunder, Ao'er.''
His grandpa, of course, knew him best.
''Just take my word, grandpa. It is better than burning down the estate, right?''
''...alright.''
Right after it, he sent a sound transmission to Li Xuanhe.
The man's expression turned strange.
''Uncle...it will be too little time.''
The patriarch shushed him. ''Okay, anyone else feeling a breakthrough?''
''Are we supposed to?''
''You better take the chance. I suppose we can't activate the formations for another decade.''
''I'm just at the twelfth level of Qi Condensation...'' Li Yun seemed resigned.
Li Huan(s) seemed sympathetic. ''We are at ninth...''
''I need some more accumulation before Nascent Soul.'' Li Nan shook her head.
''Nope.''
''No—ew, this chicken bone has hair on it!''
''It is your hair.''
''No, it isn't mine.''
Li Nan growled. ''How the fuck does human hair get inside a. fucking. chicken. bone?''
Li Ao cast a smug look around the sighing people.
''It runs in the blood.''
''What?''
''Retarda—''
*********
Back in his room, rubbing his swollen head, Li Ao re-organized his pills and belongings for two days later.
It would take a day to set up the proper formation.
This formation was more used to isolate Li Ao from the surrounding space so that the attracted lightning wouldn't strike unnecessary or vulnerable sites.
In the worst case scenario, it could even temporarily place him in the Second Space, the higher layer of space, to disperse the Tribulation Clouds.
Of course, Li Ao knew he wouldn't need any of it.
Instead of worrying about useless things, he browsed the Alchemy Shop for two kinds of pills.
First was %100 purity aptitude pills.
From a young age, being the scion of a large noble family, he had his aptitude bolstered by several 6th and 7th-grade pills.
The general rule to use these pills was to be either in the appropriate realm, or below a certain bone age. Now that he was at the cusp of Foundation Establishment, Li Ao wanted to push it to the limit, lest he wasted the system's potential.
The second kind of pill was affinity!
Since he decided on a fire-based Soul Cultivation Manual, it would only be more beneficial if he could find a pill that could help increase his affinity.
Among his cousins, his talent for cultivation was just second to Li Nan, but affinity wise he was the worst. That was one of the reasons his mastery of Scarlet Path lacked.
''There is no need to fret over a Soul power Magical Art for now. Once I breakthrough to Foundation Establishment, I can regain most of the coins back through that mission.''
''With an increased aptitude, I'll also have an easier time detecting temperature changes outside my normal senses—I won't get caught so easily.''
Thinking so, Li Ao looked up the aptitude pills first.
*Nomadic King's Blood(7th-grade Talent Bolstering Pill)*
*Description: Medicine condensed from the blood of the Nomadic King. Increases basic aptitude of the consumer. Can only be used twice.*
*Cost: 700 Universal Coins*
*7th-grade Meridian Reinforcing Pill*
*Description: Expands and reinforces meridian pathways, enhancing the talent of the consumer. Can only be used once.*
*Cost: 1100 Universal Coins*
*Horn of The Mutated Pegasus(6th-grade Aptitude Pill)*
*Description: Horn of the flying terror, Pegasus. Eating it will expel every impurity from the body and enhance the digestive system, increasing the body's absorptive capabilities. Can only be used four times—after second use effects will be halved.*
*Cost: 2500 Universal Coins*
Li Ao winced at the numbers. However, since he decided to spend that coin, he wouldn't hesitate.
Noting down two 7-th grade and one 6th-grade aptitude pills, he looked up Fire affinity pills.
*Infernal Heart (7th-grade Fire Affinity Bolstering Pill)*
*Description: Extracted heart of the Infernal Spirits from Purgatory. Can increase fire affinity by a great deal. Can only be used three times.*
*Cost: 800 Universal Coins*
*Note From Anonymous Customer: Eating this will make you into a pyromaniac.*
Li Ao frowned at the note.
''What about others?''
*Fire God's Seed(6th-grade Fire Affinity Bolstering Pill)*
*Description: One of the 999 seeds planted by Fire God to blossom a Fairy Fire Tree. Will enable the consumer to be one with the fire. Can be used without limit.(Stock left: 718)*
*Cost: 3800 Universal Coins.*
*Note From Anonymous Customer: Eating this will make you into a pyromaniac.*
''...why is the note same?''
Li Ao looked at another item, this time a proper pill.
*7th-grade Flame Tempered Meridian Pill*
*Description: Eating this can temper the meridians and dantian to be more accepting of Fire Qi. Can only be used twice.*
*Cost: 700 Universal Coins*
*Note From Anonymous Customer: Eating this will make you into a pyromaniac.*
Now his face fell.
''What is wrong with the fire affinity market? Is everything full of side effects?''
These were supposed to be %100 purity products, right?
He swept through several dozen materials and pills, and even checked out 5th-grade ones, but under every one of them was the same note.
Vexed, he remembered the review section. Although most people used it to curse or complain about products, he remembered seeing some useful comments among the pile of trash once in a while.
''Do people here know something about it?''
He chose to click on the reviews section of the Infernal Heart.
*Recep Ivedik/2nd-rank Agent: I don't know which bad person keeps posting the pyromaniac sign, but that is a complete lie! These products are very safe! (Likes: 88701, Dislikes: 54765)*
*Andrew Parsnip/1st-rank Agent: Don't listen to that fat fellow—the note is completely true! I gave one to my poor grandma and she set the entire neighborhood into fire! She can't stop lighting fires all over the place—shoot, she just burned our house cat! Wait, grandma—(Likes: 2008, Dislikes: 1277)*
*Long Baizhen/3rd-rank Agent: I agree! I once ate these when I was young. The next day I accidentally burnt a few mountain ranges to ash...I also had the urge to set my pubes on fire but it might not be too related.(Likes: 5700, Dislikes: 4357)*
*Recep Ivedik/2nd-rank Agent: Are you mad! You people think it is a joke to lead the younger generation of agents into purposeful danger? It is not funny to endanger the lives of your fellow colleagues just to make a witty joke about...*
His cheeks twitching, Li Ao skipped the four paragraphs of moral lessons.
*Dortyhu Yirm/1st-rank Agent: How about you suck my dick, huh!? How about that?(Likes: 5694209, Dislikes: 25965)*
*Agent Dortyhu Yirm Has Been Banished From System Interface*
*Cause Of Suspension: Ad Hominem, Public Cursing, Misinformation*
*Time Frame: 70 Years(61 Years 11 months remaining)*
*Long Baizhen/3rd-rank Agent: Rest in peace, sister Yirm! My fellow crusaders, join me in our movement! Let us rate the anonymous note to the apex so that future generations can witness our brave sister's martyred spirit! (Likes: 77832, Dislikes: 47855)*
*Agent Long Baizhen Has Been Banished From System Interface*
*Cause Of Suspension: 2nd-grade Misinformation, Doxxing(Pending Approval by Moderator)*
*Time Frame: 50 Years(41 Years 11 months remaining)*
*Agent Andrew Parsnip Has Been Banished From System Interface*
*Cause Of Suspension: 2nd-grade Misinformation*
*Time Frame: 20 Years(11 Years 11 months remaining)*
*Agent Koala God Has Been Banished From System Interface*
*Cause Of Suspension: 2nd-grade Misinformation*
*Time Frame: 20 Years(10 Years 11 months remaining)*
*Agent Meng Cui Has Been Banished From System Interface*
*Cause Of Suspension: 2nd-grade Misinformation*
*Time Frame: 20 Years(10 Years 11 months remaining)*
*Agent Njord Odinson Been Banished From System Interface*
*Cause Of Suspension: 2nd-grade Misinformation*
*Time Frame: 20 Years(10 Years 11 months remaining)*
*Agent Mario Calvino....*
''...''
Li Ao silently closed the reviews page.
Returning to the aptitude pills, he bought one Horn of the Pegasus, one Meridian Reinforcing Pill, one Nomadic King's Blood, then from the affinity page bought one Flame Tempered Meridian Pill and two infernal hearts.
*Universal Coins: 7100 -> 500*
He chose to retrieve them right away and a simple jade box fell over his knees.
Inside it were two normal pills, one sparkling orange red and the other a gleaming gold, a stinking scarlet blood bead, a small five-centimeter horn sparkling with starlight, and two pairs of molten hearts spewing fire.
Li Ao inspected each and every one of them until he could satisfy his curiosity and raised the horn.
''Since Pegasus Horn can increase my absorption capacity, it should be taken first, right?''
''...how do I eat a horn?''
The tip seemed dangerously sharp. Would it pierce his stomach if he swallowed it whole?
A little apprehensive, Li Ao decided to bite chunks into it.
Once he put the butt of the horn in his mouth, however, it began to melt. In a second it flowed down his throat like a current and began to cool his insides.
Surprised, Li Ao began circulating his Qi and Blood and watched the process.
Half of the liquid was absorbed by his dantian, while the other half fell into the stomach. Bit by bit, its mysterious aura enveloped his stomach, guts, and kidneys.
Ten minutes later, the last drop disappeared.
With a squish, a black mist escaped from his pores, smelling like horse dung. Li Ao pushed the mist out of the window and clenched his fist. It felt lighter.
Taking a deep breath, Li Ao realized he could absorb at least %30 more Qi from the air just by breathing.
His eyes sparkling, he took the Nomadic King's Blood and swallowed it as well. The blood bead turned into a rush of scarlet and invaded his veins and meridians, tempering them with its revolution.
After three circulations, the effect disappeared. When he looked with his divine sense, Li Ao could see traces of red within his meridians.
He swallowed the Meridian Reinforcing Pill—it turned into a shimmering liquid that enveloped his meridians and expanded them a quarter of their size. A moment later, a rush of Qi from his dantian cleansed and reinforced the newly expanded meridians.
With just this, Li Ao felt like he could take six steps on Scarlet Path without overexerting himself.
Flame Tempering Meridian Pill just did what it said. His meridians took on another shade of orange alongside Nomadic King's scarlet, feeling hot to the sight.
The Infernal Hearts were the hardest. Li Ao stuffed the fist sized organ into his mouth and chewed for a few minutes just to get it down into his body.
The molten blood left a terrible taste in his mouth.
However, once he swallowed and circulated his Qi and Blood, he felt a boundless fire rising within his dantian. Sweat formed around his back and face, and his skin showed a molten red color from within the body.
He consumed the second one in tow and absorbed their effects in a hasty manner. It took one hour to absorb everything—when he did, opening his mouth, Li Ao let out a breath of fire.
''Fuck, did I become a dragon?''
Of course he didn't. Still, just by closing his eyes, Li Ao could sense the people moving under the floor. He could feel their body heat and the residual changes left by their movement.
The range seemed to be around some fifty meters at most, but it was still an invaluable asset.
And within himself, Li Ao also knew he could take ten steps on the Scarlet Path!
''That gate is thirty-three steps away, right?''
What would come out of it? Without access to higher levels of the art, Li Ao had no idea as well.
''Okay—'' Taking out Bubbles to rub her sleepy head, Li Ao smiled at her.
''It's time to shock the heavens!''
Bubbles smacked his open palm in agreement!
Then she fell asleep.