18 A Guilty Pleasure

POV - Sara Kamaruddin

[Day 2, March 2002, 7am]

As the scrutiny wore on. The Interior Minister's thinly veiled contempt was evident, his disdain palpable as he sat opposite me.

But I refused to let his skepticism undermine me. With each accusation, I felt a flicker of defiance ignite within me, propelling me to fight back against the injustice of his assumptions.

"Enough," I declared, my voice steady despite the turmoil brewing within me. "I will not stand idly by while my integrity and dedication to my role are called into question."

He rolled his eyes, that sexist pig. "I have overseen the setup and recruitment of 5000 men," I stated firmly, my gaze locking with Jordan's. "These are at least 4 battalions worth of fighting men and these soldiers are undergoing rigorous training, and I have every confidence that they will be ready to defend our region when called upon."

"What about you Minister, how many men have you recruited? Or are you still at the planning stage?" I said wittily hiding my deception.

It was a bold move, one that I hoped would quell the doubts swirling around me. But as I watched the Interior Minister's expression turns, I couldn't help but wonder if I had made a grave mistake.

Knowing that nine out of ten men in the region were assessed to be illiterate by Rasima, it dawned on us that training them would likely take at least two years.

"These men will be the most disciplined and adequate force in the region. They will be on the battlefield in no time." I declared firmly, my voice cutting through the air with feign.

As the meeting continued, I found myself scrambling to defend my actions, each word a carefully constructed facade designed to mask the truth. The pressure was suffocating, and with each passing moment, I felt the weight of my deception bearing down on me.

"That is much impressive Minister Sara, 5000 fighting men is a good sizable amount to defend the region." The Governor was impressed with the initiative. "All these men are recruited with the budget you have now?"

"Yes Governor, as most of the recruits will be built from the ground up, the majority of payroll would not be much of a strain." I declared, "I do hope more resources will be poured into the defense of our Region as well to improve the quality of our soldiers."

And as the meeting drew to a close, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in the pit of my stomach. The Interior Minister may have bought my lies for now, but I knew that the truth would eventually come to light. And when it did, I feared that the consequences would be more than I could bear. 

With the pressure, I decided to add a cushion to dampen some expectations about our soldiers and the training, "We would need to provide some basic education as well, hiring teachers or educated ex-service members to teach." I explained, "because the census created by my Chief of Staff is that 9/10 men are illiterate."

I knew that I would have to tread carefully in the days to come, lest my carefully constructed facade come crashing down around me. The Governor's expression darkened at my words, the gravity of the situation settling heavily upon him. "That's... troubling news," he admitted, his voice grave. "Illiteracy is a serious issue that must be addressed if we are to move forward as a nation."

I might push aside the nagging doubts gnawing at me, I couldn't escape the sinking feeling that my actions had set into motion a chain of events that would ultimately lead to my downfall.

I nodded in agreement, "Indeed, Governor," I continued, my tone somber. "We cannot hope to progress and thrive if the majority of our population lacks even the most basic of literacy skills."

With a heavy lie weighed down by guilt, I resolved to do whatever it took to maintain the illusion of competence and integrity that I had worked so hard to cultivate. But deep down, I knew that the truth would inevitably catch up with me, and when it did, I would have no choice but to face the consequences of my deceit.

"It's not just a matter of literacy," I elaborated, feeling the urgency of the moment weigh heavily upon me. "It's about empowerment, about giving our people the tools they need to build better lives for themselves and contribute meaningfully to society."

The Governor nodded in understanding, his expression grave. "We cannot afford to ignore this issue any longer," he agreed, his voice tinged with determination. "We must make education a top priority and ensure that every citizen has access to the resources they need to learn and grow."

I felt a swell of relief knowing that the Governor shared my concerns and was committed to addressing the issue head-on. But I also knew that turning the tide of illiteracy would be no easy task—it would require dedication, resources, and a collective effort from all levels of government and society.

"We must invest in our schools, our teachers, and our communities," he declared, his voice with conviction. "We must provide incentives for families to prioritize education and support initiatives that promote literacy and lifelong learning."

I nodded in agreement. "Exactly," I replied. "We can seek out partnerships with private organizations and international donors, leveraging their resources to amplify our own."

The Governor's eyes grew thoughtful. "And let's not forget about innovative financing mechanisms," he added. "From public-private partnerships to impact investing, there are countless ways we can mobilize capital to support our education initiatives."

His eyes lit up and turned his gaze to Darrien. "Did you catch all that? We're going to fund schools and increase this region's literacy," he declared with determination.

The Finance Minister appeared to still be reeling from earlier events. As I glanced at the Governor, he sighed and shook his head. "It's alright, everyone. Let's take a break and reconvene after lunch. We all deserve some rest after this traumatic event."

As I made my way out of the room, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had made a grave mistake. The lies I had spun in an attempt to protect my reputation now threatened to unravel at any moment, exposing me for the fraud that I truly was.