Chapter ten

Fyona:

Saturday evening roled around and I was in my room unpacking my things when I heard the smashing of glasses. It was obvious who the source of the noise was from.

Becc had been like this since I woke up this morning. In fact, he was the one to wake me from the noise he was causing.

We had barely said a full sentence to each other since the other night when he kissed me. Yesterday at work was fill with a tense and awkward silence between us. I knew he was never going to bring up the fact that he kissed me and neither would I. It happened, and as much as I wish it hadn't there's nothing I could have done now. I just didn't want it complicating my training, the actually purpose of me being in New York.

There was another crashing sound coming from Becc's bedroom.

Okay that's it. I was fed up with his antics.

I threw the dress I was holding in my hands onto the bed and marched out of my room to Becc's. As I got closer I could hear someone sobbing from the other side of the door. Reconsidering my decision to confront him I turned around to head back to my safe heaven when the sobs of the person developed into them full on bawling. Their cries of agony was enough for me to take a u-turn and opened the door without even knocking.

The sight that was displayed in front of my brought tears to my eyes. There, curved up in a ball on the floor was Becc. He was laying on his side with his knees pulled up to his chest and his head ducked between. His body was shaking from his sobs.

Whatever happen must have really gotten the best of him to have such a man like himself in this state. Being around him for the last few days had me realizing the kind of person he is. The way he talks and carries himself so strongly, so confident and sure of his self. I for one should know though not to judge a book by it's cover. We might have not gotten along but I did not have a bitter soul, my heart ached for. the crying man.

As I stepped forward a crunching sound came from beneath my foot. Looking down I realized it was a piece of shattered glass. It was then I saw just how many sheds of glasses were surrounding the room. It was a catastrophe to say the least.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?! Get out of my damn room right now!!" Becc's booming voice echoed around the room. I looked back up at him to see blood on his cheeks, neck and arms. There was a shed of glass in his left upper arm. It looked painful, but maybe what he was feeling on the inside was more painful for it to distract him from his physical pain.

That's something I could certainly relate to.

"I said to get the fuck out right now!!" I diverted my attention from surveying his body damages. I forgot he had said anything in the first place.

"Are you okay?"

Well obviously he's not, my subconscious said. I mental face palmed from my stupid question.

"Get. Out." This time he didn't shout but I believed it was best that he did seeing as how low and deadly his voice sounded.

"I can help you." I bluntly ignored him and took several steps closer. He didn't scare me. I've seen and been through worst. There was nothing he could do or say to make me fear him.

He stood up and walked right up to me, never once breaking eye contact as be did. The grey shirt he wore was soaked from his tears. His eyes were swollen, nose red and cheeks puffy and tear stained. From the looks of him it was obvious he had been crying for hours.

Was he hurting all this time and all I did was criticized him and put on my headphone to keep out his calls for help?

I felt a thousand times worst knowing I could have possibly done something moments ago to help yet did nothing of use.

"I neither need nor do I want anything from you or anyone else." He began taking slow steps forward causing me to take a step back each time he did. "All you'll do is say you understand and that your sorry when really you have no idea what I'm feeling and your not actually sorry. You just say that because it's the most traditionalist thing to say and all it does is make me mad. So don't." He finished as my back came in contact with the wall.

"I've being going through this on my own for years. I don't need you." He spat at me. "Now get the hell out." The tone of his voice basically said 'this is not up for discussion'. I knew it had only being a couple days but I think he knew me better than that.

"I know what pain feels like Becc--." I began to say but he cut me off.

"Get out Fyona."

"Let me help you. I know what your goi---."

"No you fucking don't! You don't know what it's like to lose someone you love! You don't know how it feels to have sleepless nights because you developed insomnia from nightmares of seeing that person die right in front of your eyes! You don't!! There were nights all I did was cry and cry and cry; but they never came back. Times I'd wish I had died that night cause this pain is just too much..it's too much and it never leaves. It hurts like hell. Sometimes the pain intensifies to a point where I feel my heart on fire, it burns, the pain become physical. I just want to stop hurting." He screamed, breathing heavily. We kept staring at each other for what felt like hours until tears began to fall from his eyes. He broke the stare off by falling to the grown on his knees. He looked so broken.

"My sister had mental issues and it went bad before anyone knew about it." He commenced with a tired voice. "She killed our mom, shot her right in the head. Even after she took her last breathe she kept shooting her. All mom wanted to do was send her to a mental facility for help, she just wanted to help but Mackenzie thought we were out to get her, that we wanted to get rid of her and lock her away."

As he spoke I stood still not wanting to move a single inch, too afraid that if I did he'd stop talking.

"She shot me too with the intention of killing me. Doctors said I was lucky to live." He lift his soaked shirt showing me a bullet wound at the right of his upper chest.

How had I not seen that the day he was shirtless in my room?

"After she shot me that night she shot herself, just like she did our mom, right in the head. I had to watch the life drain from the bodies of the two most important people to me while my own was slipping away. It broke me." As he said that I ran up to him and held him in my arms. He didn't push me away which I was thankful for. Lifting his head I held it between my palms, looking him square in the eyes. He was no longer crying now, his face emotionless, he looked numb.

"Watching your mom and twin die does worse to a human, to me, than you'd think it would. I couldn't mourn and move on like everyone expected me to. They didn't see what I saw. What happened that night didn't just break my heart, it broke my entire soul." The weight of his words and the look in his eyes reflected the exact same image I saw every time I gazed in the mirror.