Born into chaos

A Native American girl was born not on a reservation but in a hospital with loving family surrounding her. It almost seems infeasible to think that a young indigenous girl would be born happy, healthy, and safe. I say this all grown up no longer a baby after having heard the countless stories of abuse, the main characters of these stories being my mother, aunts, cousins, women I looked to like sisters. For whatever reason I was never looked at as enough of a girl always either with the boys or playing sports with my dad as my coach on the sidelines. I will never understand why he tried to push a dream that was never mine onto me. Being born was never my choice and not even that of my parents for the mistake was theirs and not mine. Growing up in New York near the city I listened to more hip hop than any other genres. I missed living in the peace that lies within chaos that never went away. I fell in love there on the stair case on the stoop. Forever in my heart is hip hop because it saved me from a terrible life. You may be asking your self. How bad could it be? Its pretty fucking terrible. Native women and femmes are so likely to be abused by anybody anywhere at anytime. It's terrifying. The first time I was ever abused I was three by a family member and then again at 5 and again at 11,12,17,18,19. You get the idea. Everything from being beaten to a pulp to being used till they made me believe they were the only ones I could trust. Having PTSD is something that I had to deal with even when taking the SAT's came around. I remember being on the writing section and thinking, "What if I was always sheltered? Could I have studied more without having such problems as panic attacks plus having to hide them from my parents who were right next to me."