Debutante

"You've turned seventeen this year."

"... Yes."

The suffocating silence continues.

A year has passed, and I turned seventeen. Nothing much has changed, I'm still in a hate-hate relationship with Gaos and it was getting more toxic. I continue to practice dark Magic, however, I decided to stay away from extracting shadows temporarily after the... unfortunate contract with Gaos. The Duchess still abuses me, and sometimes, it reaches the point where I'm barely conscious. Fortunately, I'm still alive. At this point, I'm already used to it that it doesn't hurt anymore. I just started feeling... numb.

And today – I looked up and stare at the man sitting in front of me. Despite his age, he still looks so young. A stranger definitely wouldn't believe that this man already had two children.

But I guess it's too bad since other than his looks, I see nothing attractive about him.

"Father," I called, hesitantly but firm at the same time, "Do you have something important to tell me?" I asked. Even though I asked, I already know that there is. This man doesn't have any reason to call for me if he doesn't have anything to say.

However, what he said next made my eyes widened slightly.

"Your debut will be held tomorrow," He said as he looked at me coldly, "The party will start around four in the afternoon, I'll send maids to help you prepare. A new dress will also be sent, wear that."

For a split second, I had a blank look. It's great that he informed me about the day and time, but I didn't even have any idea that a party was already being prepared for tomorrow. The irony. Although I know that Aksia made her debut at age seventeen, I didn't know the specific details.

Four in the afternoon... that's almost night time too. The same with the date, the time here also works the same as my previous world – which makes everything easier for me.

"Be mindful of your manners." He said and I stared for a while before looking away.

"Yes, father."

He's basically telling me that I should proper and that I shouldn't do something that will ruin their reputation.

"You can go now." I nodded, stood up, and walked out of the room. The meeting was short, he simply called for me to inform me about the details – but he probably just wants to warn me, warn me to act like an obedient daughter. He did prepare for my debutante without informing me, he can also just send maids on the day of my debut, dress me and send me out there without telling me anything but he did.

For the sole reason of wanting to warn me.

I chuckled as I sigh.

Tomorrow will be... tiring.

The Duke, Duchess, and Hariz will all be there. Other than them, there's also a lot of other people, some I know, some I don't. It's like throwing a sheep in a wolf den.

Except for the fact that the sheep is actually a wolf too.

"My lady! You're back!" Amy welcomed me as soon as I entered my room. I immediately took a seat. I looked at Amy who's just standing near beside me.

"Why don't you sit down as well?" I said.

"My lady, I can't do that –!" Before she could continue what she was about to say, I gave her a look that made her stopped.

"Sit down, please?" I said, this time, more softly. She hesitantly nodded before sitting down as well at the chair just in front of mine. I stared at her as she fidgets at her seat. Now that I think about it, the difference between the Duchess age and hers isn't that large. It's really a mystery why she continues to stay by side.

Amy is pretty – she's beautiful and also kind. She can probably make anyone fall for her if she wants.

"My lady... is there something on my face?"

As a child, Aksia was definitely a normal young girl. Someone who just wants to be loved and praised by her family and yet, she was ignored and abused her whole life. She endured everything until she couldn't anymore – until she finally lost sight of what's right and wrong. In that dark, empty world of hers, her only light was Amy, and as if the gods were mocking her, they also took her away.

It's really amusing how fate seems to work – they always take those who are kind first. I can see why though, because if you're in a garden and was asked to pick a flower, what flower would you pick?

Of course, the most beautiful one – if someone had answered differently, then it would be a rare case.

That's why I made sure that Amy won't be with me whenever the Duchess was with me. Even if it's fate, destiny, or a will of a God, I won't let her die this time.

I could at least do this for Aksia, and for Amy who doesn't even know that the original Aksia is long... gone.

Besides –

"Amy," I called her, "I really appreciate you for always being here with me." I said while giving her a genuine small smile, – one that is barely noticeable, which I rarely show. Amy will always be willing to help me, she's definitely useful in more ways than one. At first, I just thought that she'll be one of the people I can make use of. I didn't think about trusting her or getting close to her.

This is how I am, I'm not... a saint or a good person. It's something I will never say verbally, but I know myself better than anyone.

I'm simply trying to live – simply existing.

Staring at the teacup at the table, I can't help but let out a chuckle, Amy who was spacing out due to what I said earlier look at me with confusion.

Last time, I told Amy that no one would help me because they won't get any benefits from doing so – but I guess I'm also kind of the same as them.

What a hypocrite.

Now that I think about it, aren't all humans kind of a hypocrite too? We do selfish things, we often deny our feelings, thoughts, and emotions, we contradict ourselves, sometimes we can't be honest, we lie, and everything else. But I think all of that is normal... since we're just humans.

– but maybe it's just me who thinks that way.

And I know that even if that is the case, there are also genuine, kind people in the world. I admire people like that, they can be selfless without thinking about themselves and the consequences.

However, I'm not one of them.