Strengths of a Lady (part 1)

1.11 - Strengths of a Lady

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After talking about the deal, my ride arrived first.

It's a given since I ordered the cab before Nico did. Plus, Nico paused everything he was doing when he heard my selfish request, so he ended up ordering the online cab much later.

And during the entire ride home, I was… deep in my thoughts.

I truly hoped that he would keep his end of the deal. I don't want to see him get harmed anymore because he was close to me.

Of course, I'll keep my end of the deal. Hunting down ghosts with him is quite fun, so I see no reason not to do it. But, that should be all that we are doing together.

Hanging out in class… even testing out weapons in the school backyard, what was I thinking? Obviously, everyone will see the meaning behind it all. But, that is just not how it actually is.

Nico and I are not dating. Truthfully, I don't even know what his intentions were by hanging out with me, but I certainly don't want to date him. After all, dating me will only bring him more harm than good.

If I'm getting enemies, then I'd rather fight the battle alone. Dragging Nico along is cowardly of me, and I'd rather not have him getting hurt.

But… seeing his expression when I made that request…

It made me wonder if what I'm doing is even more painful than the harm I was avoiding.

'One thing I noticed about you, is that you didn't even try to keep those people next to you. You didn't even try to find anyone to keep beside you.'

His words rang inside my head again and again, and I can't help but wonder what his feelings truly were towards me.

Nico… just what do you see out of me that you ended up being so kind…?

Obviously, I wouldn't ask such a question to him. It's way too embarrassing, and I certainly don't need a boost of ego just to hear praises from him. What's more important is what we are going to be from now on.

We're simply friends… who hunt down ghosts after school. Nothing more, nothing less.

It was the most logical way that the two of us should take, but… why does this feel so painful?

And his expression when I told him… he looked so hurt.

This is the right thing… yet, it doesn't feel like it.

It is what everybody wants, and yet… it's not what we wanted.

What do I want, then…?

My headache became multiplied as the ride got closer to my house. By the time I arrived, I was already walking like a zombie to the front door. I didn't bother knocking on the door and simply walked in, since I know Mom is probably aware that I should be coming home by now.

"Welcome back. Where did you go today?"

Mom asked from the kitchen. From the scent, she seemed to be cooking some teriyaki chicken, which immediately raised my mood.

"Well… I had a date."

Immediately, she turned to me with wide eyes.

"But, it didn't go so well."

I said with a little pained smile, and she let out a long annoyed breath.

"I already told you… All boys ever think of was how they can sleep with you."

"It's not… like that. It's… much more complicated."

I said while rubbing the back of my head since it felt painful, and Mom laughed a little seeing how confused I am.

"My little girl is finally experiencing high school romance… Hasn't it been only a month since high school started? And you're already mixed up in the midst of it.

Tell me. I think I can give you one or two things from my experience."

"Yeah, right! As if someone who got divorced can tell me anything."

I was joking when I said that, but it came out a little too forward. Mom quickly became annoyed and turned her gaze back to the stove.

"What a waste. Looks like I'll be having this teriyaki meat to myself--"

"Wait, I was joking! I'll tell, I'll tell."

She got pissed so easily… well, it is a very sensitive topic. It got us into this whole messy situation to begin with, and I thought it's about time we start joking about it since it has been years since it happened.

Fortunately, Mom thought so as well. If she was truly angered, she wouldn't be talking about teriyaki after the joke. She would just be silent and not talk anymore.

Afterwards, Mom finished her cooking while I changed into a normal shirt and pants. I sat down at the dining table while waiting for her to prepare the drinks, and I played with my phone while waiting.

The group chat from the classroom seemed to be rowdy about something. I opened it, and it was about leaked information from the other classes. Apparently there's a massive test week, which is next week. Everyone got quite surprised since it was so sudden, and they all began planning some study sessions together during the weekends three days from now. I read all about it, and it looks like anyone can come.

But, will I be able to come?

While pondering, Mom arrived at the dining table and sat down. She placed the cup of hot tea in front of me and took out a pair of spoon and fork from the cutlery box. Beforelong, we started eating the teriyaki meat with rice.

"So, what kind of guy was he?"

Mom asked all of a sudden while messing with the rice on her plate, and I began to think as to where I should start.

I explained to her about Nico's identity while eating, mainly about what the public knows about him since he was so popular. Some say that he came from a rich family, others cared more about how he is very humble. There are three things that made him outrageously popular, two of which were his brains and his looks.

He took first place in the class placement test, basically making him the smartest student in our year. His looks too, there's only two or three guys who can rival him in terms of looks within the entire school.

But, the one thing that made him soar above those guys with good looks is his personality.

"He is very warm, friendly, and he always puts others before himself. Whenever he talks with you, it makes you feel that you are the main character in his world, as if you are very important to him. I believe that is why many people like him very much."

I explained to Mom about Nico's personality, and she smiled softly upon hearing them.

"And that's what made you fall in love with him?"

"I…"

My hand stopped moving the spoon, and my eyes were locked on to the meat teriyaki rice on the plate.

I don't know if I can answer that.

There were many moments that made me like Nico. It wasn't that he was popular, and it certainly was not because he was rich.

That time… When he smiled at me softly and then told me that I'm not a bad person. That is when I truly fell in love with him. When the entire world was against me and hated me, he alone stood in front of me with a smile and calmly said I am not a bad person. Naturally, I felt incredibly moved by that, to the point that I began to have feelings for him.

That is how I fell in love with him. But, to answer Mom's question, I don't think she needed to know that I'm being bullied at school. So, I just nod at her.

"Hmm… Then? What makes it complicated?"

Mom asked me, and I began to think deeply as to how I could tell her. I can't just say that I am the most disliked girl in my year, otherwise she would get worried. On the other hand, that very thing was the cause of the complication.

So, how can I word this properly?

… Ah.

Instead of blaming my unpopularity… maybe I can blame Nico's popularity. Yeah, that works.

"It's just… Nico was so popular. Lots of girls liked him, but he stuck to me like glue ever since we met. I'm not saying this to brag, but… it certainly caused us problems.

Thanks to this, I was hated by many."

Yeah… what a lie.

Sorry, Nico. But you have to look bad in front of my Mom so I can protect my image!

Hearing this, Mom looked widely surprised.

"I started getting enemies. Some even openly wage war with me, some just silently bumped their shoulders at me when walking on the classroom hallway. I'm okay when I was the only one receiving that harassment, but… Nico also ended up paying the price."

"What happened to Nico?"

Immediately, I rubbed the back of my head while explaining shyly.

"My table and chair were… glued, today. I was forced to sit on it since it was my desk, but Nico… he came to my classroom when I was out to change my skirt. He sat on the chair that was glued, and he too had to change his pants."

I explained with a pained smile, and Mom's reaction was pretty much expected. She laughed so… so hard.

"Ahaha!! Then, that means the pretty boy got bullied as well, technically?"

"Yeah… I felt bad for him. That's why I asked us to form some distance from now on."

"I see… I see what's going on. The girls just don't accept you being close to him, right?"

"That sums up pretty much everything."

Man, it feels weird opening up to her about my school life like this. It's quite rare that I open up to her about my life, but since I was really in a confused state, I needed someone to help me sort out my thoughts.

I needed her help the most. No one else can help me in this situation, probably because there is nobody else.

"Hmm. In that case, do you want my advice?"

Mom suddenly asked after pondering for a while, and I leaned my back on the chair.

"Well, let's hear it."

"The girls don't accept you because they don't like who you are. In that case, why not force them to accept it?"

… Huh?

"Make yourself worthy of being the partner. That is how you can win in this situation."

"But… How? How can I make myself…"

"It's very simple, honey. We, ladies, have a lot of arsenal within ourselves. Boys have their muscles, money, and intelligence. But, we ladies have our beauties.

You should definitely try wearing make ups. I know you're a lazy bum when it comes to having anything pretty, considering how messy your room is.--"

She just had to slander me, there…

"But, you should give it a try. Our face is a weapon, and our minds set the aim. As long as you are willing to give your all, then naturally your goals can be achieved. You just have to give it a try, honey."

Mom gave probably the most woman to woman advice I've ever heard, and I respected it. It was the first time anyone ever talked to me about what it means to be a female, and I understood her reasoning behind it.

Mom is a beautiful woman. I saw her pictures when she was younger, and she was naturally very beautiful. Even now, when she is pushing beyond forty, she still looks as if she is in her late twenties.

The question was… can I be the same way?

"I'm not sure if I can be like what you say…"

"Oh, please! You're just so lazy that you don't even want to try make ups!"

Again, she slandered me badly. But, it looks like she is not done.

"You barely clean your room, let alone actually taking care of your own looks. You just go to school with tied hair and boring ass glasses! It's so absurd to me that the most popular guy at your school is actually that close to you!"

I mean… even I don't understand that last one…

"M-My room is perfectly fine as it is…"

"Look. Just give it a try, okay? Maybe the girls hated you because you seemed like a lazy girl or something. You looked so simple, and they're probably angry because they look ten times better than you. Yet, you were able to get close to such a guy. So, think about it. Why did the girls hate you that much?"

Mom's words actually made sense. Even yesterday by the gate, I overheard Peach's group talking about how I'm not worthy of being close to Nico. They were so angry about it, as if they'd rather die than seeing me being together with Nico.

I always wondered as to why they hated me so much. I thought it was because of the wallet incident with Emil, but thinking about Mom's words, it all actually made sense.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I'd think that someone with this kind of looks shouldn't be hanging out or even dating the prettiest boy in our school. It's a sin for that to happen, and certainly, everybody wouldn't accept it.

Someone else.…should've been in my place. Not me.

But, what if I become someone else, entirely?

Mom's suggestion. It seems like I will have to think about them deeply.

"In that case… would you be able to help me out with that?"

I asked her after finishing my plate of teriyaki, but she looked at me very annoyed.

"Clean your room first. Then, I'll consider."

"Ehh…?"

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