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I Can't Be Sword God

Invincible, Sword God, Nonsensical. … Li Chu transmigrates to Ten Li Slope and becomes a junior Daoist. In this world where gods and ghosts rampage and demons wreak havoc, the weak and helpless he wants to live the rest of his life on Ten Li Slope. Until one day, when he has no choice but to step into the pugilistic world, only to realize… It turns out that there's nothing in this world that a single sword strike cannot resolve. If there was such a situation—two strikes, then.

Pei Buliao · Eastern
Not enough ratings
545 Chs

She is a Dab Hand at Pocket Knife

Translator: EndlessFantasy Translation Editor: EndlessFantasy Translation

The next day, Zhou Dafu came in front of the Deyun Monastery again.

His coming was a little surprise to Li Chu.

Li Chu glanced at Zhou Dafu's lower body, wondering if he had a problem or something—that made him want to donate the money he first intended for booking a masseuse to the monastery.

Zhou Dafu's sad face further confirmed his suspicion.

Crimes in the town would not worry Zhou Dafu at all. It was his family affairs that had always troubled him the most.

But Li Chu had still guessed it wrongly.

There was a case in town this time. However, as much as there was a case, Zhou Dafu was also worried about his family.

"Young Daoist Li, why am I so unlucky?" Zhou Dafu screwed up his ugly face.

"The new county magistrate has just arrived, and I have prepared myself for it for a few days just to give him a good impression. Who knows, two days after the Xue family tragedy, there was another murder case? By the looks of things, the murderer could be a vengeful spirit again."

"The number of deaths is not as high as a few days ago. But an entire family has perished. Such cases are rare in the entire Heluo Dynasty. It is going to arouse attention from Chaoge City.

"The magistrate will not ask why there are so many ghosts in Yuhang Town. He will only question me why I, as the chief constable, can't solve the case!

"Tell me, why are there so many ghosts in Yuhang Town?" Zhou Dafu was almost tearful.

It puzzled Li Chu, too.

Vengeful spirits were not as common as one would like to think.

As the saying goes, "Evils rise in troubled times." Now that it was peaceful times, evils should not be as rampant.

So why did the vengeful spirit incidents happen so frequently? 

In the Heluo Dynasty, only one vengeful spirit arose out of over 10,000 people who died with grudges every day.

It was weird that the small place of Yuhang Town had two incidents of vengeful spirit every three days.

The two chatted for a while and finally decided that Li Chu would go to the county office to see Zhou Dafu. Only then would they head to the scene together for inspection.

Li Chu had learned his lesson from the last encounter—ghosts would not appear during the day after all. Therefore, he might as well wait until nightfall.

It was pointless for him to go too early, as waiting there was boring. Besides, women at the scene would tease him.

Although this case involved the death of the entire family members and there would be no more survivors, it would not go wrong with a good habit.

For some reason, he felt things might not get so peaceful in Yuhang Town.

...

The evening sky looked gorgeous with a brilliant afterglow.

Zhou Dafu had long completed the investigation and report submission. He was in the county office, eagerly looking forward to Li Chu's arrival and a smooth sailing tonight.

If Li Chu's exorcism did not go well, so would his future.

But it was not Li Chu but a plaque that came first.

It was a thick plaque made of seven inches long and five inches wide heavy iron, carved with a sky-reaching pagoda on the front and on the back a name—Imperial Administration Bureau.

The plaque fell from the sky and crashed onto Zhou Dafu's table.

The one who threw this plaque in was a young girl in a belted purple tunic.

Her hair was tied in a ponytail with a red silk hair tie. She was fair-skinned, having willow brows and apricot eyes, a high nose, and red lips, beautiful like peach blossoms. 

Not only that, she had a hot body of a small waist and long legs.

As she walked, her bum swung left and right, her ponytail dancing, and the hearts of all the constables in the magistrate trembling.

The difference between those young constables and Zhou Dafu was, those young constables were trembling for that pair of long legs while Zhou Dafu for the plaque.

A young guy, still with his usual attitude, wanted to chat up the girl. "Hey, you look a bit familiar. Are you here for—"

"Your mom looks familiar too!"

Zhou Dafu came over and kicked that young constable out of the door. 

The young constable crash-landed outside the duty room. Probably having hit his head pretty hard, he looked a little stupid. But he did not forget to adjust his hat first before letting out an ingratiating smile at Zhou Dafu.

"I am sorry, Chief. I did not know you were into her."

He simpered, thinking that Zhou Dafu was angry because he competed with him for the same girl, just like in the House of Blossoming Spring.

But Zhou Dafu got even more furious. "I'm into your mother! Get the hell out of here!"

The young man froze for a moment as if struck by lightning. "T-T-Then you are going to have a problem with my father. L-L-Let me think of a solution," said the young constable after a moment of hesitation.

'What a filial son!' Zhou Dafu couldn't wait to cancel him.

But the girl was staring at him with a smile. He dared not do anything.

Rookies would only see that her smile was sweet, but a veteran like him could sense the piercing look in her eyes.

Zhou Dafu wiped away his cold sweat and let out an apologetic smile. "Madam, my name is Zhou Dafa, the Chief Constable of Yuhang Town."

Madam?

There was an uproar in the duty room. Those constables immediately rose to their feet with their backs straightened, making a mess of noise.

"Relax, Chief Constable Zhou."

As the girl spoke, she strode up to Zhou Dafu's seat. She sat down with a grin and took back the heavy plaque.

"I am a Violet Guard of the Imperial Administration Bureau in Hangzhou Prefecture Office." The girl self-introduced. "We have no affiliation with each other nor I am your superior."

This was indeed the case in theory since the Imperial Administration Bureau was just a sect.

But in reality, it depended.

The Imperial Administration Bureau was appointed to take charge of the supernatural affairs. It had the authority to kill and talk later when it came to things involving evil spirits.

Even the Violet Robes, the lowest-level cultivators of the Imperial Administration Bureau, were badass. Ordinary officials had to kowtow to them.

It was exactly because of this that Zhou Dafu was not fond of getting help from the Imperial Administration Bureau to solve cases.

"Madam—I mean Miss Li, are you here for business?" asked Zhou Dafu cautiously.

Li Xinyi looked at him with a frown. "Don't you know why I am here?"

"Um, is it for the case where the entire family was murdered in Lower Liu Village?"

"Yes, but that is not the only thing." Li Xinyi let out a faint smile. "I am also ordered to ask you, why are there frequent evil spirit incidents in Yuhang Town under your jurisdiction? In the past year, you reported six cases of evil-spirit-committing crimes. But this time, there have been two cases in three days."

She stood up again. She was as tall as Zhou Dafu but looked way more intimidating.

"I'm very curious—what secrets are hidden in a small place like Yuhang Town, so much so that evil spirits are rampant. Or there is actually no ghost here. It is all in your head, and you are trying to make excuses for your incompetence, Chief Constable Zhou?"

What she said was actually not uncommon.

There had been too many unsolved cases in the Heluo Dynasty. But there were only a few cases on per-chief-constable basis

Sometimes, it was normal to make evil spirits as an excuse when reporting cases to superior.

After all, investigations into evil spirit crimes were next to impossible. Some evil things left no evidence behind after they were eliminated. So, there was a loophole there.

But the same excuses must not be used too frequently. As in Zhou Dafu's case, six cases happening within a year would definitely arouse suspicion.

Needless to say, two cases of vengeful spirit crimes in three days were definitely over the top.

If this was true, the Imperial Administration Bureau would surely investigate it. If it was false, it would be an insult to people's intelligence, and the Imperial Administration Bureau would have to punish him.

"My conscience is clear!" Zhou Dafu made a face. "Miss Li, I am also puzzled why there are so many evil spirit crimes in my area of jurisdiction. I am not a fool. Even if I have to make up stories, I won't be so stupid to come up with something like two evil spirit incidents in three days. But my investigation findings show that this is indeed the case. I can't lie about it, can I?"

Li Xinyi let out a nonchalant smile. "Why didn't you get help from the Imperial Administration Bureau if you have nothing to hide? Instead, you spent the imperial court's money to hire outside cultivators to perform the exorcism. I am interested to know if there is any highly trained cultivator in such a small place like Yuhang Town who can help you solve cases!"

"I don't dare to say I am one hundred percent dedicated to discharging my duty as a chief constable for all these years, but I would definitely dare not deceive my superiors. I didn't invite the Imperial Administration Bureau because there is indeed a Daoist temple with cultivators in the local area. It was out of convenience that I didn't think about bothering your goodself, Madam," said Zhou Dafu.

"Oh, yeah?"

Li Xinyi studied the expression on his ugly face. "I will stay here for a while to find out the cause of the evil spirit incidents in Yuhang Town. As for the cultivator you hire, I don't discount the possibility of him giving the vengeful spirits a free hand for his own benefit. Don't get him here during this period."

"Sure." Zhou Dafu nodded repeatedly.

Li Chu's service was no longer required since the people from the Imperial Administration Bureau had come.

No matter how Zhou Dafu looked at Li Chu, he still could not convince himself that a sect in the wilderness could beat the orthodox cultivators from the Imperial Administration Bureau.

As for Li Xinyi's claim of someone abetting the evil spirits, it had indeed happened in the past. There were some local cultivators who specialized in raising evil spirits to commit crimes and then helped people driving away those evil spirits to earn handsome rewards from it.

A place like Yuhang Town became the first choice for people doing this kind of trade. Yuhang Town was far away from the prefectural city, yet was still prosperous enough.

This was something that the Imperial Administration Bureau hated the most.

That Zhou Dafu was willing to defend Li Chu showed he trusted the young Daoist. But words choked in his throat during the critical moment.

He knew that Li Xinyi's impression of him was not good. He would appear superfluous in defending the young Daoist right now.

A crisp voice came outside the entrance while they were talking.

"Is Chief Constable Zhou here? I am here."

"It is the Daoist priest. I will send him away right away." Zhou Dafu turned and walked towards the entrance.

Li Xinyi followed him, wanting to see what this suspicious Daoist looked like.

What she saw was a young Daoist with brisk eyebrows and gentle eyes, dressed in a clean and simple black robe, standing under a poplar tree outside the entrance, his wispy hair and his robe fluttering in the breeze.

All of a sudden, it seemed as if the radiant glow of the universe was shining on him.

He looked as if a celestial being from heaven.

"Young Daoist Li, I am sorry—"

A sharp pocket knife suddenly was put to Zhou Dafu's throat from behind.

Li Chu's eyebrows raised, his heart skipping a beat.

As Zhou Dafu slumped to the ground, a beautiful girl came into view. The girl looked at him with a gentle, spring blossom-like smile.