Chapter 7: Screw This Universe! I Mean... Screw The Old Universe!

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!

Rubbing his weary eyes, Sirius awoke in his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"That was one hell of a dream, or should I say one hell of a nightmare," he muttered, placing his hand on his forehead.

Beep!

His alarm clock continued to ring, irritating his already depleted mental state, which had not yet recovered from the dream.

"7:45?" Sirius thought, glancing at his alarm clock. "That's way too early for evil to commence. Let me just turn this thing off."

With a snap of his fingers, a white light appeared over the alarm clock. With that subtle motion, he returned to bed, closed his eyes, and wrapped himself in his blankets.

Beep! Beep!

"What the hell? Does this thing have a sleep timer or something?" Sirius said, staring at the alarm clock. He snapped his fingers again, attempting to turn it off.

He watched as the faint white light emanating from his magical fingertips expanded over the alarm clock. Instead of silencing it, the sound amplified, as if his powers were somehow strengthening it instead of nullifying it.

BEEP! BEEP!

The sound was now deafening, more like a police siren than an alarm clock.

"What in the world is going on? Since when do I have an alarm clock?"

Sirius peered around his room with a suspicious glare and found it completely unfamiliar. His dark, evil lair adorned with royal decrees had been replaced by a room with light colored walls with toys and action figures he didn't recognize. As he sat up in bed, he heard a squishy sound coming from beneath his pillow. When he lifted it, he found something that pushed him over the edge.

"A teddy bear? What kind of evil joke is this!?" he said, picking up the stuffed animal. With a vicious scowl he whipped it across the room, landing it in a pile of toys.

"Toys, alarm clocks, and now teddy bears? Has the dream not ended? What the hell is going on here?"

Boom!

Before he had time to contemplate, his bedroom door burst open.

"First day of school, first day of school!" he heard chanted from the hallway.

Bewildered, he peeked from behind his bed to see what was happening.

"First day of school, first day of school! Our little boy's got his first day of school!" In the next moment, a pair of middle-aged parents burst into the room, pumping their arms in excitement.

The first was a man with horns and glasses who looked more like an office worker than a true bull. His small and lanky arms looked like he spent more time fighting trolls on a keyboard than on a battlefield. The woman had a smiling face and held what seemed like a flower in her hand, devoid of any villainous features whatsoever.

"You fools," Sirius said, standing on his bed to confront these would-be parents. "How dare you awaken me from my slumber! If you don't leave this instant, I will erase you from existence!"

"Oh, look at him! He's so enthusiastic," The mother said, smiling. "That's the perfect thing to say on the first day at Villain Academy."

"It makes me so proud," The father added, wiping his eyes. "My little boy is going to be an evil villain."

"Who are you calling little?" Sirius retorted as they moved closer. "I warned you buffoons!, Now I will erase you from existence!"

With a snap of his fingers, he created a portal of energy that enveloped both parents.

"Be gone," Sirius said.

"Hehe," his father laughed.

"Hehe," his mother echoed.

"What?"

Instead of erasing them, the light seemed to amplify their existence. His father grew stronger, and his mother's flower doubled in size. They both wore giant smiles as they returned to the ground.

"WWWWhat?!" Sirius said in disbelief

Sirius watched helplessly as his parents enveloped him in hugs and kisses.

"No matter what, he always blesses us with gifts," His father said.

"Get off me," Sirius snapped, blasting them with light.

"Stop, that tickles," His mother giggled as a barrage of white lights danced around her.

"My powers," Sirius gasped. "They've been nullified. Just how powerful are these beings?"

His train of thought was interrupted when his father lifted him off the ground for a hug. As he was being carried into the next room, his father tripped over a toy and fell onto a pile of Legos.

"Ouch!" his father yelped, immobilized by the sharp bricks.

"It's okay, honey," His mother said, removing the Lego pieces from his back.

At this display of cowardice and weakness, Sirius finally understood his predicament.

"It's not that they're powerful. I've become weak."

"Honey, where are you going?" his parents yelled as he walked into his bathroom.

Sirius walked into the room and saw that the counter was much taller than he could possibly reach, so he couldn't see himself in the mirror.

"This tiny body...it can't be."

Jumping onto the table, he looked at himself in the mirror and saw what he had feared most: the very child that he had destroyed back in the castle.

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Sirius cried.

"It's okay, honey," his mother said, patting him on the back. "I know you're scared to go to your first day of school. You didn't do very well in the previous ones either. Your power doesn't really work for villainous methods, but I believe in you; you'll be okay."

"Silent, woman," Sirius said, walking away. "I need time to think."

His expression completely changed. He opened the door to the roof and sat on top of his home, looking out to where he was. He was no longer in the villainous land of Beetlejuice that he had once called home; he was now in the middle of some kind of American suburb, where everything was shining, nice, and happy. In the distance, he saw kids dressed up in what looked like Halloween costumes running into bussesa to go to school. He saw mailmen and postmen wearing uniforms, smiling and handing out things to their customers. And worst of all, what he could not believe was the sun shining in the air, completely unobstructed by darkness, thunderclouds, or giant skeletons. Upon seeing the beautiful shining sun, Sirius truly understood where he was.

"It seems that when I removed that child from existence, I also removed myself from existence since we were from the same universe. However, given that the past me was destroyed, the present me was still alive and yet could not possibly exist. This created a giant gap in the universe, a paradox. That paradox must have destroyed the very universe that I was in, or corrected itself so that I never existed. And so, I've been inserted into a new universe. Since the present me doesn't exist, I have become the past me in order to create that present me once again. Since I caused the gap in the universe, it had to self-correct. And rather than self-correcting in the past, it corrected in the present using the past. In other words, I have all my memories, and yet I'm a child, which means, as evil and sinister as I am, I'm in a new universe where I cannot anticipate anything that's going to happen—a universe where people people are… happy," sirius thought to himself.

"Hey, Serious," the mailman said, walking onto his porch and delivering the mail. "Have a good day at school!"

"Maybe I did die. Maybe this is hell," Serious said, scratching his head. "The gall of a commoner to wish me luck and wish me a good day—it's unbearable. What is next for me in this horrid and rancid world?"

As Serious gazed up at the sky, asking why, his father sat beside him and patted him on his head.

"I know you're going through a lot right now, kid," his father said.

"Really, do you, you imbecile!" Serious thought. "Have you ever had your universe destroyed? I highly doubt it!"

"And I know you're probably not motivated; you don't want to go to school, and I don't want to have to fight you."

"School?" Sirius thought. "The chances of me going to school are below zero, especially in this universe. Dear God, sitting in class, doing homework—who does this man think I am?"

"Which is why, I'm going to take you to Ice Cream Land," his father said, taking out a brochure.

Serious's eyes watered as he was presented with a magnificent piece of art that he had never seen in his universe. In his father's hands was not a map, but a holy artifact, a gateway to paradise—a universe completely made of ice cream.

"Now, if you do well and get all A's, I promise I'll take you to Ice Cream Land. Do we have a deal, young man?" his father said.

"Screw my old universe!" Serious yelled passionately. "Regardless of how things go, I must visit Ice Cream Land! What is one semester in the eternity of the universe? I will do my best, get good grades, be taken to this marvelous attraction, and then find my way back to my old universe! Then, I will once again become the most evil man in the world! An I will make Ice cream Land the capital of the world! MUhahahah!"

"Screw your old universe? What are you talking about?" His father asked.

"Heh?" Sirius scowled scratching his head. "I didn't yell that; I thought it…. Wait a minute!"

Sirius looked up to the heavens shaking his fist in ire. "Curse you Narrator! once again, even in this universe, you have failed me!"