Chapter 11: One Is Sirius and One Is Not

After taking an absolute beating from Ms. Umbra, Sirius, Not, and the rest of the class felt as if they had been roasted alive. As the umbrellas and rain clouds began to clear, the steam from the children's burnt and electrified clothes filled the room.

"Now," Ms. Umbra said, twirling her hair, "let us begin reviewing your itinerary."

Sirius gagged in his mouth but was rescued by Not, who pretended to pat his back.

"Now that you are all here at the most prestigious villain academy in the world—funded by the number one villain, McDiggins himself—I assume you're all expecting exams?" she paused.

"Yeah?" Se Oh said. "We will be put into strength camps and then forced into an elimination tournament, right? That's what I heard."

"Yeah," Jackie added, "And then we will be attacked by some outside force and the exams will end prematurely, right?"

"Yes, of course, you are all right," Ms. Umbra said, "or at least you would be if this was a Hero Academy!" She slammed her ruler down.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked. "That's the standard Academy protocol, villain or not! How else can we determine the important characters from the non-important? The side characters from the main? The sad backstory from the legendary backstory?"

"We here at Villain Academy believe in a more modern approach to villainy," Ms. Umbra said, drawing out her notebook. "Being number one in the class isn't about strength, power, or very related backstories; it's all about notoriety! The number-one villain is the one who is most well-known. That's all."

"It doesn't matter if you are known for eating ice cream or ruling the world! Status is everything! Status and money! That is the McDiggins way!" Ms. Umbra said, saluting the statue of McDiggins in the courtyard.

"Foolishness," Sirius said.

The crowd of students cowered in fear as Sirius spoke, terrified of another thunderstorm from Ms. Umbra.

"Oh?" Ms. Umbra said. "And what do you believe makes a good villain?"

"That's simple," Sirius said. "His impact on the world."

"Explain?" Ms. Umbra challenged.

"What good does it make to be well-known when no one fears you? What good does money do when you're surrounded by enemies?" Sirius argued. "A true villain is so fearsome and powerful that he doesn't care for money or status, only his dream that will impact the world and a willingness to sacrifice anything to obtain it."

"Just like Father said..." Not murmured, admiring Sirius.

"Who are you to declare what a villain is!" Ms. Umbra boomed.

"Who am I? Hahaha?" Sirius laughed, grabbing his evil eye pendant and leaning back as he roared. "That, I will reveal to you in time."

"You tell me your name now!" Ms. Umbra threatened, raising an umbrella over his head. "Or I will zap you again; I'm serious!"

"No, you're not," Sirius retorted. "But I am."

"ZAAAPP!!!"

Ms. Umbra unleashed another round of thunder and lightning from her umbrella frying Sirius in his seat. Rising to her feet she slammed her ruler onto Sirius's head as she screamed at him.

"So you don't think I'm serious? Well, how about that? Who's serious now?"

"Me…" Sirius said, barely lifting his head. "I am still Sirius."

ZAPPP!

Ms. Umbra hit Sirius with another lightning bolt from her umbrella.

"Hey man, give it up," Not advised, helping Sirius up.

"You're going to help this lunatic?" Ms. Umbra roared. "You can't be serious!" She raised an umbrella over his head.

"Wait, wait! No, I'm Not! I swear," Not interjected.

"Then why did you do something so absurd when you're not serious?" Ms. Umbra snapped, putting her umbrella away.

"Because… He's my friend" Not replied

"So then you are serious!" She raised her umbrella again.

"No, I'm Not. I already told you that."

"WHAT? But you sounded serious just then," she put her umbrella away.

"How can I sound like I'm Sirius when I am Not? When have I ever tried to sound like Sirius?"

"Just now! You there," Ms Umbra said, pointing at Sirius. "Obnoxious boy who claims to be a villain! Is he serious or not?"

"He is definitely Not," Sirius answered.

"But how can you tell if he's serious or not?"

"Because I am Sirius."

ZAPPPP!!!

Ms. Umbra zapped sirius once again

"You little twerp! I know you're serious, but how can you tell that he is serious? That's what I'm asking!"

"Because he's Not! If he were Sirius, then what would that make me?"

"Why can't you both just be Sirius?"

"Well, we might as well both be Not then!"

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

ZAAAPP!!!

Ms. Umbra zapped both of the boys yet again. Grabbing her head in confusion as a headache came over her she turned to Se Oh in the distance.

"You there, girl who travels with them," Ms. Umbra said, raising her umbrella over Se Oh.

"Please... leave me out of this; I don't want to get electrocuted again!" Se Oh pleaded.

"Just tell me one thing," Ms. Umbra insisted. "I am going to electrocute the one who is at fault here. Now tell me, are both of them serious, or are both of them not?"

Se Oh began to cry as she contemplated her answer. No matter what she said, she wasn't going to improve the situation for anyone.

"I can't answer that!" Se Oh sobbed. "That's an impossible question!"

"Ok, then! Then tell me which one of them is joking!"

"Neither!" Se Oh cried out.

"Then they are both serious!" Ms. Umbra declared.

"No…' Se oh said desperately. She rose from her chair and tried to reason with Ms. umbra

"Only he is Sirius" She said pointing to Sirius. "That's literally his name!"And his name is literally Not!" She said pointing to Not. "No matter how many times you ask me, I can't answer what you want to know without angering you, so just please, leave me out of this!"

"How can a name be serious and another name not be serious? What exactly is a serious name? Are you trying to make a joke! Oh wait let me guess! YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS EITHER?" Ms. Umbra roared

"Just zap me and get this over with!" Se Oh said, crying.

And once again, the room was filled with umbrellas shocking the students.

"Alright, now that that is settled, let's go over the itinerary," Ms. Umbra said. "Your first class of the day will be 'Villainous Acts,' a class where, with a chaperone, you go to the real world and commit acts of villainy. Your teacher, Mr. Hallow, will be the instructor for that course. After that, you will return to the homeroom where we will review your scores. But first, let's take attendance."

Ms Umbra's eyes opened wide as she came to two names on her sheet that all of a sudden made alot of sense to her.

"Sirius Singularis?" Ms. Umbra called out.

"Here..." Sirius responded, barely able to raise his hand.

"Nottingham Polaris?"

"Also here," Not replied still steaming from the electrocution.

"Wait a minute! Sirius and Not were really your names! Why didn't you say anything?"

"WE DID, YOU OLD HAG!" Not and Sirius shouted, before quickly hiding under their tables.

"It's going to be a long semester for you boys," Ms. Umbra groaned. snapping her fingers, and a rain of thunder and lightning descended upon the boys, who cried out for mercy. And at that point it did not matter to her whether they were serious or not.

Suddenly, the bell rang, signaling the end of the period.

"I will let you boys off easy this time." Ms Umbra said, withdrawing her maelstrom as the boys crawled out of their seats.

"Siriuss…" Not said. "SHine your light on me…"

Sirius open both his palms and in a few moments both of them were feeling better.

"Thanks for getting me shocked too!" Se Oh said crossing her arms.

"I apologize," Sirius said solemnly. "Usually I wouldn't but I think she zapped all the villain out of me."

In the distance Sirius saw a child grandstanding on top of a podium giving a speech to other students. He was dressed impeccably well and ha d a long trench coat that dropped below his knees.

"Yes yes! I will ensure you all get free ice cream! Just vote for me as this years class president!" He said smiling.

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! He did come to this school!" Two girls shouted behind Sirius

"OOF" Sirius said as the two girl ran by him.

"It's really him!" THey said coming to his area. "It's Mcdiggins junior!"

All of a sudden a fire erupted in Serious so strong it had extinguished all of the fatigue he had previously had. He watched as the fat top hatted kid enjoyed his ice cream all to himself as he instructed the children below, and on his hand an MC ring that had to be worth a fortune perched upon his finger.

"Sirius" Not asked as he witnesses Sirius's anger.

"All of a sudden," Sirius said. "The villain in me is back!"