Chapter 1 (new hope)

As I opened my eyes it was dark.

[Oh ya I died in that cruel battle]

I thought to myself. As I let my thoughts drift I could recall all the blood I spread and all the life's I could have saved if I was more powerful more like "HIM". I could not feel my emotions. Neither I was sad neither I was happy. I was neither crying for all my dead comrades, all the entire soldiers, all the generals that fought valiantly in the face of death and doom. Neither was I happy for giving hope to the upcoming generation.

Should I be happy for the life that the next generation could live on? Should I be sad for all the widows and fatherless Childs that are left behind by my lack of power?

After all, what he did for me I could never be "him".

I was never meant to lead nor I was never meant to give hope so why did I?

Was I a fool to take the lead? What would happen if he would have taken the lead? What would have happened if he would have taken the sword and charged forward?

Do my thoughts even matter now....

Will being happy or sad...

Will being in front or back....

Will being more hopeful and honest....

Will anything that I do now change anything....

Will anyone even appreciate my thought or even will my name be written in history....

I KNOW the answer yet I can't speak I try to speak but can't find the strength to do so... I need to speak

Speak

Speak

As I screamed to the inner depths of my soul

I screamed at the top of my lungs but not a sound was heard. I screamed and screamed till I was tired of my own screaming tired of my cowardness tired of me...

I screamed and let my anger all out and when it was all out and there was nothing left

a voice echoed from within me

I knew the answer and that was "NO".

All the thoughts don't matter, all the feelings don't matter all the truth can't change the fact that "they are my sins to bear for life, and to the next, if this life is not enough for it "

And I hope to pay for my sins.

As my thoughts, my inner turmoil was cleared,

I saw hope, I saw light,

No literally light it was near me too close to me that I could touch it with the reach of my hand.

I reached for it and as I reached for it my vision was filled with colors and life.