Chapter 5: An Elf Dropped By

I'd lived my laid-back life of solitude for three hundred years, but lately, there had been a sudden uptick in activity.

The reason was simple: I was now part of a family of four.

Actually, you don't have much opportunity for conversation when you live alone, so you almost never speak, you know?

Before I was reincarnated, on bad days, it wasn't unusual for the only conversation I had to be with the clerk at the neighborhood convenience store.

Clerk: "That'll be one hundred eighty-three yen."

Me: "Oh, I have exact change. Here you go: one hundred eighty-three yen."

Clerk: "Here's your receipt. Thank you for your business."

Me: "Mm-hmm."

…Like that.

This concludes my recollection of my past as a Japanese company peon.

I had many days like that, and I suspect that for lots of people, such conversations are the only ones they have.

In contrast, when there are four people in your family, you do a lot of talking.

For one thing, even when you're just greeting people, you have to go through three.

On a particular occasion, I was sophisticatedly perusing a grimoire I'd bought the other day. I'd gotten my turns for shopping and cooking out of the way the day before, so it was all right for me to take a load off. Incidentally, Laika was in charge of lunch.

"Here, Shalsha, look! I found it in the field!"

"You find those a lot, don't you, Sister?"

In the background, I heard the voices of my daughters at play.

It was safe to say I was spiritually content.

"This one goes really far!"

"Oh, you're right. That's a good flight distance."

…What on earth are they talking about?

Flight distance? Are they playing with a paper airplane or something? But this world has no concept of airplanes, does it…? What would it be, a paper dragon?

A grasshopper flew right in front of my book.

So that was what flight distance meant!

"Hey! Don't catch grasshoppers and bring them into the house!"

"Okaaaaay!"

"All right, Mom."

True, this area is a grassy plain, so there are lots of grasshoppers.

Still, I wish they wouldn't bring them inside.

When they started jumping around, it was pretty hard to catch them and take them out again.

"Then what should we catch?"

"I would prefer rabbits."

"Bunnies, huh? Last time, when I reached out with my tentacles, they nibbled on them."

Come to think of it, I hadn't seen my daughters extending their tentacles very often.

Slime spirits are able to do that. Actually, the appendages may look like hair, but strictly speaking, from what I hear, they're tentacles. Since there's no need for haircuts, it's nice and economical.

My two daughters were terribly intelligent spirits, but they played like children.

Maybe they were children at heart, or maybe their appearances influenced their actions.

Since I've got the opportunity, let's listen in on my daughters' conversation.

"Sister, would you like to read a book?"

"Uh-huh. I like the books you read to me, Shalsha. They're so interesting!"

"In that case, I'll read 'Clar Dynasty Commercial Policies in the Province of Hrant,' which is Section Two of Chapter Five in Volume Three of Lauretta's History of the Rise and Fall of the Elvish People."

Talk about technical!

And that wasn't even the right genre for reading to somebody else.

I hadn't had a thick book like that one in the house, so it most likely belonged to Shalsha.

She really does like history, doesn't she…?

"Heranke, the founder of the Clar Dynasty, was originally a merchant who amassed his fortune trading in dried fruit. Before long, his private army grew into a mighty force equal to the military powers among the elves of the Hrant province. Eventually, in the year 405, he proclaimed himself king. As a result, the Clar Dynasty treated dried fruit as the most important export for acquiring foreign capital, but—"

And she was actually reading that specialized text …

By the way, she mentioned the word elves—naturally, they exist in this world.

At present, the elves don't have a large country of their own. They're based in forested areas all over, and several groups resemble small countries and are recognized as self-governing.

The Clar Dynasty Shalsha had spoken of was probably one of these small nations.

Elves were known for being long-lived, and they sometimes made friends with immortal witches. I'd never left my highlands, though, so I didn't have any elf acquaintances.

It wasn't that there were no forests here, but they probably weren't large enough for elves to build villages and towns and live there.

Bam-bam, bam-bam.

Someone was knocking on the door.

Who could that be? My daughters were right in front of me, and Laika was in the kitchen, making soup with beans we'd just harvested.

"Mom… Do you want me to get that?"

"I appreciate the offer, but no thank you."

Worst-case scenario, it could have been somebody who'd come to attack me.

The tale of the strongest witch might have been spreading like wildfire. I couldn't make my daughters go.

Cautiously, I opened the door.

"Yes? Who is it?"

A young elf woman was standing there with tears in her eyes.

All else aside, her figure was bizarrely good.

An ample bosom and a generous derriere.

Not only that, but that was one short skirt. She was an extraordinarily voluptuous elf.

She was sexy enough that, if my children had been boys, I would have wanted to keep her out of sight for the sake of their upbringing.

To be honest, I rather wish she'd share a little of that bust with me. Just once, I'd like to complain that my chest is so heavy that my shoulders get stiff.

Well, never mind that.

"Um, what did you need?"

I hadn't expected an elf to show up immediately after I'd heard my daughter mention them, but this sort of coincidence is actually fairly common. For example, you read a book on Kamakura, and Kamakura turns up on a travel program on TV the same day. Things like that.

"I… I want you to save me!"

She extended her hands in front of her as she spoke, and her breasts were trapped between her arms.

Thanks to that, her bust looked even bigger. Was she trying to suggest something?

Apparently, the girl in question hadn't emphasized her bust on purpose. She wasn't being suggestive.

I was a woman, so there was no sense in using sex appeal on me. She was just being herself.

"You want me to save you? There aren't any orcs around here."

When elves or female knights are being targeted by something, it's always orcs, isn't it?

"Not from orcs! I want you to save me from that high-ranking demon Beelzebub!"

Now that was a disturbing name.

Beelzebub.

An incredibly high-level demon, also known as the Lord of the Flies.

In a game, the type that would probably come right before the final boss.

Frankly, I didn't want to fight that.

P-tunk.

I slowly closed the door.

The elf opened it again right away.

"I'm begging you! The Witch of the Highlands was the only person I could think of who might help me!"

"I don't want to fight a scary monster, either!"

FYI, in this world, the far north of the continent was so cold that almost nothing could live there.

In the depths of that place, the more intelligent monsters (known as demons) had created a country of sorts—or so I'd heard.

It was too cold for ordinary people to reach it, so nobody really knew.

In the past, they had ostensibly fought with the human nations, but things had been peaceful for the last five hundred years.

Which was why, unless we picked a fight with them, things were bound to stay peaceful going forward, too.

However, I had the feeling that if I made contact with this Beelzebub character, my peace would be threatened…

"Please! At least hear me out! When I asked the people of my village, they said they didn't want to get dragged into this and told me to get out, and now I have nowhere to go… I thought that since the Witch of the Highlands was renowned as the most powerful, she might be able to do something…"

"If I hear you out, will you go home?"

"P-please save me! If Beelzebub comes after me, I'm sure to be killed…"

If she's going to go that far, I guess I can't just chase her away.

I suppose I'll do what I can to help.

Only "what I can," though.

All-out war with a monster nation would destroy our quartet's way of life, so I wanted nothing to do with it.

"Well, tell me your story. Yes, come in."

When they saw the young visitor, Falfa and Shalsha commented:

"It's an elf!"

"Her ears are indeed long. By the way, if her earwax is dry, she's a southern elf, while the earwax of northern elves is wet."

The two of them entered the room together.

Shalsha seemed to know a lot about elves and geography, so I thought it best to let them stay for this.

"All right, let's start by introducing ourselves. You already know people call me the Witch of the Highlands, so I'll just tell you my name. I'm the witch Azusa Aizawa."

"I'm Halkara. I'm from a small elf country in the province of Hrant."

That region had just come up in the history book Shalsha was reading.

"There are all sorts of medicinal herbs in the area, and I've taken advantage of that to become an apothecary… In short, my job is very much like yours, Madam Witch."

We're both long-lived, we both make medicines out of plants… We really are similar.

In this case, there's no real difference between the "witch" and "apothecary" classes.

Truth be told, it wouldn't be fair to call myself an apothecary.

If I had to differentiate us, witches sometimes use materials from animals, such as dried organs and blood. An elf apothecary probably stuck exclusively to plants and didn't even include special ores or other minerals.

I didn't use many animal materials, though, so I was pretty close to being an apothecary anyway.

Just then, Laika brought in enough herbal tea for all of us. Tea for four, including portions for my two daughters. This when she'd been busy cooking. Thank you for the trouble.

"I understand about your profession, but why is Beelzebub hunting an apothecary?"

I couldn't think of any reason they'd even have met each other.

"Well, I feel a little awkward saying this myself, but for an apothecary, I made a very good living. I combined nutrient-rich mushrooms and botanicals and turned them into a liquor known as Nutri-Spirits."

So alcohol with herbal medicine mixed in?

"If you drink it when you're tired, you can endure the rest of your work. It took the whole region by storm and became a huge hit. All the elves in my village worked together to mass-produce bottles that sold for five thousand gold each, and even then, production couldn't keep up. I actually built a Nutri-Spirits palace in my village."

All right, enough bragging. Get on with the story.

"Oh, and this is it."

Halkara produced a small bottle.

"I brought a lot with me, so you can drink it if you'd like. It was hard to carry so much while I was running away, but when I drank it, it got me through the day."

By all accounts (and appearances), this was an energy drink, wasn't it?

I used to drink these things regularly, once upon a time. Her tale hit painfully close to home.

When my overtime dragged on, I'd down a bottle…

"Its reputation generated more popularity, and Nutri-Spirits came to be sold far away. And so, you see, it ended up with some unexpected customers…"

Halkara held her head in her hands.

"From what I'm told, a person named Beelzebub, who was a high-ranking demon—so by person, I suppose I mean demon—got ahold of some and drank it."

"What happened?"

"In humans and elves, it energizes them and fills them with strength, but for demons, it's apparently toxic… Ten minutes after ingesting it, Beelzebub collapsed, developed a high fever, and came dangerously close to going to hell."

It didn't seem as though going to hell would be a problem for a high-ranking demon, but I guess I was wrong.

"In other words, Beelzebub has been revived and is after you now."

"Yes! From what I hear, that demon is furious, swearing up and down that the person who made this deadly poison will pay with their life. A wanted poster written in the demon tongue has been distributed even in areas inhabited by humans and elves."

She held out a piece of paper, but I haven't studied Demon, so I couldn't read it.

"I know a little bit."

Shalsha peeked in.

"Please…find…woman make…Nutri-Spirits liquor…generous…reward…offered— If you just read each word by itself, that's more or less

what it says."

That's Shalsha for you. Her knowledge really is extensive.

The words suggested it was indeed a genuine wanted poster.

"All my employees got scared and fled. On top of that, I've been banned from the village… And that's why I came to you, Madam Witch. I beg you! Please save me!"

Halkara rose from her chair, prostrating herself before me.

"It's clear you're in trouble, but…if we aren't careful, couldn't this turn into total war with the demons?"

No matter how you sliced it, I couldn't handle that.

"Um, you see…the elves and the province where my village is have identified that risk, so they decided it might be better to hand the 'elf apothecary' over to the demons. I have nowhere to go!"

Not only did she have no home to return to, she was being treated as a criminal…

It was hard not to have some compassion.

"Poor elf lady…"

"You don't have a home… It's hard just looking at you…"

My daughters both expressed their sympathy.

I couldn't just tell her to leave now. It would set a bad example for my daughters.

But no way I'm fighting Beelzebub for this girl.

I couldn't put my daughters and Laika in danger. It didn't matter how strong I was—even if I could hold my own against individuals, there are limits to how effectively one person could fight organizations or countries.

We'd have to hit on a good compromise.

I sighed.

"All right. I'll help you."

"Thank you so much!"

Halkara flung herself at me and hugged me. She's a bit generous with physical contact…

"That said, I don't plan to confront Beelzebub, either. I'll hide you here, at my house. Let's wait and watch until the storm blows over."

As long as people didn't know she was with me, it was bound to work itself out.

"Does that mean I won't be able to leave this building?"

"No, I don't think we'll need to go to that extreme. We'll be in trouble if people find out, though, so let's give you a disguise and an alias."

Fortunately, her occupation was similar to mine.

Not only that, but since she was a long-lived elf, she wouldn't be out of place at a witch's house.

I went to my room and brought back a robe I didn't usually wear.

"Wear this when you go out. You're the second apprentice of Azusa, 'the Witch of the Highlands.'"

And so I turned my visitor into a false apprentice.

The robe had fit me…

"I'm sorry. It seems a bit snug."

…but the fabric was stretched tight over her bust and her rear, and it looked rather wanton.

We'll have to go to the village and have something tailored…

***

The next day, I woke up fairly early in the morning.

The first thing I did was cast a barrier over my house in the highlands.

The fact that Halkara had managed to flee all the way here meant there was a good chance she hadn't been followed, but I shored up our defenses just in case.

"Ye with wicked hearts, may this net ensnare you and rob you of freedom. As if by its own will, it shall fall on thee… HAAAAAaaaaaah! —Right. That came out nicely."

This barrier had been quite a bit easier than the one I'd cast over the village. After all, it was on a totally different scale.

After that, I made sandwiches for the whole family's lunch.

It was my turn to take care of the meals. Oh, and for breakfast, I recycled—er, "adapted"—leftovers from what Laika had made the day before.

According to our system, it was okay to use food from the previous day. However, you did need to make something new. For that reason, while I prepared sandwiches, I was also making a soup with mixed grains and medicinal herbs.

It was good for you and also helped keep your face from swelling.

My daughters had initially balked at the unique taste of the herbs, but

they'd grown used to it.

Some people aren't fond of coriander at first, but they gradually develop a marked preference for it. Lots of medicinal herbs are that way. They have robust flavors, but you can develop an equally robust appreciation for them.

As an aside, even if you're a spirit or immortal, you start feeling sick when you eat badly, so it's important to take care of your health.

All right. Why was I making lunch in the morning? Because I was going out.

My purpose was to gather medicinal herbs. That was something I did for work, but this day was a bit special.

It just so happened I had an elf who knew a lot about curative flora, so I thought I'd have her make medicine with me.

Besides, it would seem unnatural if I had no idea what sort of curatives my apprentice made.

Laika woke up before long, and Shalsha and Falfa came in after her, rubbing their eyes. Apparently, Shalsha always woke first and then roused her older sister, Falfa.

"Good morning…"

Halkara was the last one up.

I'd just about finished fixing the meal at that point.

Everyone, including me, called, "Morning!" "Good morning."

"I hadn't slept in a proper bed in so long… I was really happy. Thank you."

"Yes, yes, well, everyone needs a little help sometimes. Don't worry about it. Oh, that's right. Starting today, you'll need to act as my apprentice in earnest. I'll be more familiar with you, so be ready for that."

"Oh yes, please, go ahead. Address me casually or any way you like, Madam Teacher!"

"Madam Teacher…? That's not wrong, so I suppose it's okay."

Then Halkara sat down, too, and we ate breakfast.

After a little while, for some reason, Halkara began quietly sobbing.

"Um, is something the matter…?"

"I ate out constantly when I was busy with work, and when I was on the run, I gathered nuts and berries in the forest to ward off starvation some days… It's been so long since I sat at a warm, friendly table like this one."

As she cried, Halkara's shoulders rounded forward, giving her the hunched back of someone who'd been through a lot.

I'd seen people like this in Japan, too.

Individuals who'd succeeded in business before being ruined and falling on hard times.

In Halkara's case, her business hadn't exactly failed, but her life was definitely headed downhill.

Somebody has to extend a helping hand. If no one does, she's going to die.

I'll help as much as I can.

"Halkara, cheer up."

Falfa went around behind Halkara's chair and began thumping her shoulders lightly to give her a massage. What a good girl.

"Oh… Falfa, wasn't it? Thank you very much," Halkara said.

"If I'd known this was going to happen, I would never have expanded my business… If I'd kept things modest and sold medicine only in my own province…"

She'd expanded her business, and it had backfired. This really did seem like a case of corporate failure.

"Yes, all right, there's no sense in brooding. Let's think about what to do next."

I clapped my hands briskly.

"Once we're finished eating, we'll go gather herbs in the forest near here. Show me what you can do, Halkara. The rest of you, stay here and keep an eye on the house."

"Y-yes, Madam Teacher!"

"By the way, I've made sandwiches for lunch, so you and the others eat those, Laika."

"All right, Lady Azusa. We'll do some investigating with regards to Beelzebub on our end."

"Yes, please do."

It was prudent to be as prepared as possible.

"Also, I'm sure it's probably still all right, but if the enemy does come, please take care of Falfa and Shalsha."

"I will, even if it costs me my life!"

"No, protect your own life, too, Laika. If anything happens, just tell them where I am."

Demons were extremely intelligent, high-level monsters, and in the three hundred years I'd lived in this world, I'd never heard of them committing atrocities against humans. That was why I doubted they'd attack indiscriminately. Still, having a solid defense was most definitely a good thing.

"Although I can't advise being too optimistic, it doesn't sound as though anyone connected with Halkara has been attacked, so there's a good possibility they won't target your daughters."

"Yes, I hope you're right about that."

We'd done all we could for the moment, so Halkara and I set off for the forest.

Just in case you were wondering, the elf's clothes were still stretched very tightly.

"Listen, Halkara… Do people ever tell you you're well-developed?"

Being too straightforward could have been considered sexual harassment, so I used a more neutral expression.

I'd determined to ask the question early on precisely because it was rather touchy.

"I'm told I have a lascivious body about seven hundred fifty times a year."

"That's twice a day!"

"The elves in the province where I used to live tend to be slender, so I stood out far too much. I'm completely used to it now, though, so you don't need to be careful around me."

"I see…"

"It irritated me that all people saw was my body. That was why I worked hard to make it as an apothecary. I did eventually start selling a lot of medicine, but it got me nowhere seeing as how Beelzebub is after me… Ha-

ha-ha…"

Life just doesn't go the way you want it to, does it?

In the course of that conversation, we reached the woods.

Immediately, we bent down and began gathering plants.

The things we scavenged went into our baskets, which were conveniently designed to be carried on our backs.

My priority during this outing was watching how Halkara worked.

It didn't matter if I didn't gather much. Frankly, my harvest was just a bonus.

If she was using plants I didn't, I wanted her to teach me about them.

I hadn't spent much time with anyone else in my profession, and an information exchange would have been welcome.

Halkara's gaze seemed more focused on the trees and ground than on the grasses.

"Ah-ha, there you are, there you are."

She plucked a mushroom clinging to a tree root.

Then she picked another one from the ground.

And another she found hiding quietly in the thick grass.

And a scary one that was brightly colored and probably poisonous.

"You're only picking mushrooms!"

I sometimes use these, too, of course, but I'm never this thorough about harvesting them. In fact, some of Halkara's selections were ones I'd always ignored.

"Mushrooms are my field of expertise. Only in medicine, though. Some of these are poisonous and dangerous if ingested raw."

"True, toxic ingredients can be used as medicine sometimes."

"Maybe it's because of the different climate in my hometown, but the variety here is quite unusual. These are definitely worth gathering!"

Halkara continued to focus on mushrooms—or rather, exclusively mushrooms.

She seemed more like a mycologist than an apothecary.

"This is a Great Dawn King Mushroom. This one is a Great Circle Mushroom. There's a Tumbling Mouse Mushroom, too."

I knew all the names, but there were quite a few I didn't remember ever using as medicine.

Come to think of it, the concoctions witches make have something like regional characteristics.

Since plants vary by area, this is unsurprising, but even so…

Although they weren't the least bit dangerous to me, monsters did haunt these woods.

Whenever one seemed liable to attack Halkara, I eliminated it and collected its magic stone.

At some point, Halkara's Mushroom Lecture Time began. I'd be able to use the information for future reference, so I listened carefully.

"This mushroom is poisonous."

"Yes, I know. The red is obviously too deep, and it just looks shady."

"Actually, if you boil it for about ten minutes, the poison breaks down! After that, it's delicious, and you can use it in meals!"

"Huh?! You can?"

"By the way, when connoisseurs eat it, they tend to intentionally leave a little of the poison. Apparently, it makes them warm, and the effect is very pleasant."

Yes, because reckless daredevils can be found anywhere.

"This Roly-Poly Mushroom is small, so almost no one pays any attention to it. However, it has an interesting texture when eaten, and if you add it to sautés, it serves as a nice accent."

"Wait, you can eat that one, too? They don't even eat this kind in the villages around here."

"It won't fill your belly, and they may not generally offer it for sale."

Learning all manner of things from the mushroom mage, before I knew it, it was time for lunch.

It's true that, when you have a specialist around, even the mundane turns out to be filled with all sorts of things you didn't know.

The world looks different through the eyes of a professional. This was tremendously informative.

I also picked up several more recipes for mushroom dishes. I'd make them for Laika and my daughters one of these days.

"I had no idea this herb-gathering trip would turn out to be so inspiring. Thank you!"

I'd really had more to gain than I'd imagined. All hail Queen Halkara.

"No, no, I'm thrilled you enjoyed yourself. I'm not familiar with a lot of the plants here. Please teach me about them next time, Madam Teacher."

It was true. Simply by virtue of being a local, I did seem to know more about them than Halkara did.

Just because she was an elf didn't mean her knowledge of medicines was perfect in every respect.

When it came to plants that weren't native to your area, your knowledge was bound to be limited.

"Plus, when monsters attacked, you got rid of them for me, Madam Teacher! The rumors of your tremendous strength were true!"

"Just leave the monsters in this forest to me."

After all, I'm not level 99 for nothing.

I'd never lose to the low-level monsters you run into in these woods.

I've only ever killed slimes and giant monster rabbits, but just encountering the latter had been enough to make Halkara lose her cool.

"Well, shall we have lunch? I brought sandwiches."

They were the ones I'd risen early to make.

"I'd love to, thank you! But you've done so much for me already, Madam Teacher. Let me cook something, too, please!"

With that, Halkara took out a mesh grill and an item we would have called a spirit lamp in Japan.

It reminded me of a cooking experiment I'd done a very long time ago.

She set her tools up on a flat rock. So it was like a simple barbecue…

"On days when I gather mushrooms, I like to cook the edible ones on a screen this way and eat them! There's a brook over there, so I'll be able to rinse the dirt off our ingredients. We're in the perfect spot for this!"

"Mushrooms, hmm? That does sound delicious, but make sure not to include any poisonous ones."

Halkara thumped her chest.

"Have no fear! My knowledge of fungi is infallible!"

I guess I'll trust the expert.

As we waited for the mushrooms to grill, we ate the sandwiches I'd made.

"Ah, the little ones are done!"

Halkara produced a bottle containing a black liquid.

"This is a sauce known as 'elvin.' It's an essential part of the elf diet, so much so that it takes its name from the word elf."

She drizzled some over a roasted mushroom.

It sizzled, and the sound really did whet the appetite.

The moisture had been nicely grilled out of the mushrooms, and in some, it had pooled in the caps to become a kind of soup.

Huh? This aroma reminds me a little of soy sauce!

"Elvin is made by fermenting several types of beans. I think the flavor would be well received nationwide, but they don't make too much of it."

So it is a cousin of soy sauce!

I impaled a steaming mushroom with a fork.

It was hot, so I blew on it, put it into my mouth, and—

"Ooooooh! It's delicious!"

Simple is best! This is fantastic!

The elvin did taste similar to soy sauce.

It was more pungent, but that was probably due to the fermentation method.

"Oh man, sake! If I had sake, this would be perfect!"

I was inspired to blurt out things like Why don't we have any beer?! By the way, this world does have an alcoholic drink that's a lot like beer.

"Go on, eat up, please! Every kind has a different texture!"

Who'd have thought we'd have a mushroom party in the woods?

Each species had its own unique characteristics, and they never got boring.

If I kept this up, I could probably become a mushroom sommelier.

"There are still all kinds of edible ones left. This next one is a Flower-Cap Rainbow Mushroom."

Halkara kept grilling her assortment of fungi.

They also varied widely in hue, so much so that I marveled that the forest had been so colorful.

"Still, I've been blind. I didn't know so many edible mushrooms existed. The forest is a treasure trove of ingredients, isn't it?"

"It certainly is. Elves aren't forest dwellers for nothing. You can use these in medicine and eat them, toooo! Heh-heh-heh-heh!"

Halkara's spirits were soaring.

True, eating outdoors around a fire this way lent our meal a festive atmosphere.

"I, Halkara, would like to teach the villagers how to make the best possible use of the forest's bounty, so please assist me in that as well! Heh-heh-heh-heh!"

"That's a great idea! They'll be thrilled!"

We didn't have anything alcoholic, so we struck our canteens against each other in a makeshift toast.

"I'll need to let my daughters and Laika try this, too. I have to tell them about what mushrooms can do."

"Yes, with my knowledge, I can teach you as much as you like in that regard! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!"

"Halkara, come on, you're laughing too much."

"You're riiight. I think I'm laughing too much, toooo. I just can't seem to stooop. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!"

Huh?

What does she mean, she can't stop…?

"Um, Halkara… Are you sure you haven't eaten a poisonous mushroom?"

"I'm a mushroom expert. I doooo know about mushrooms. Thiiiis is a Brown Shadow Mushroom, you see? And thiiiis is a Crimson Maiden Mushroom. Thiiiis is a poisonous Cow's Smile Mushroom."

"So one of those was poisonous!"

"Huh...?"

For a few moments, Halkara went still.

"Oops. I see, I see. I may have the knowledge, but I was careless when I sorted them and accidentally put a poisonous one in with the edible oooones. Heh! Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!"

"You know your stuff, but you're not using it!"

Carelessness overrules expertise!

"Hey, is it okay for you to eat poison? Shouldn't you, um, bring it back up?"

"Oh, this one's not a problem. It just makes you laaaaugh. I'll be laughing for an hour or so, that's aaaall. Heh-heh-heh-heh!"

She wasn't cackling. She was just chuckling in a closed-mouthed sort of way, almost like she was smiling. It was actually pretty creepy. Well, it was a "cow's smile" mushroom, after all.

"If I haven't developed symptoms, it must mean I haven't eaten one, right? Yes, I hadn't touched that one yet."

"True. Pfft!"

That laugh sounds kinda pretentious.

"Listen, I'm worried now. Would you check the other mushrooms, too? You set a variety aside as 'edible.'"

"All right, I'll double-check all of them. Stripy Wave Mushrooms aren't poisonous. Tapered Orange Mushrooms aren't. Triangular Chestnut Mushrooms are."

"There was another poisonous type in there!"

"Aaaaaaaah! You're right! I put one from the medicinal zone in!"

Should someone this absentminded be making medicine…?

I could just see her casually admitting, Whoops, sorry, that was a lethal dose.

"I hadn't eaten that kind yet, either. Guess that's a small mercy."

"I did."

She lives like she's a walking biomedical experiment.

Even when it didn't come through in her voice, Halkara kept smiling due to the effect of the poison.

"What sort of symptoms does this one give you?"

"It causes pleasant mental and physical elation, but unlike a drug, it isn't habit-forming. Sometimes I powder it and mix some into a prescription for terribly depressed people. If taken in large amounts, it's said to have an aphrodisiac effect."

"An aphro—what?"

I had heard her correctly but really hoped I hadn't.

"It means it temporarily makes you feel like being naughty— Huh?"

Halkara began steadily gazing at me.

She took a step forward.

I was getting nervous, so I took a step back.

"Why are you backing away, Madam Teacher?"

"Because you might have been poisoned."

Halkara slid her fingers into her neckline in a way that emphasized her cleavage.

"Madam Teacher, w-would you like to do something fun with me…? Actually, please do."

"No thanks!"

That toxin had definitely kicked in.

I took to my heels. Danger was approaching!

Naturally, Halkara followed.

"It's all right! I promise it'll feel really good!"

"That's not what I base my decisions on!"

Good thing I hadn't brought Falfa and Shalsha along…

This would have been inappropriate, and it would have been no laughing matter if she tried to make a move on my daughters.

Technically, I did have the Levitation spell, so if all I was doing was running away, I could have won easily. However, leaving a wanton elf with her figure on the loose in the woods was probably unwise.

You could say that, as her teacher, her well-being was my responsibility, and if she ran into a villager hunting for animals, Halkara's virtue would come into question.

"Wait! I have a Detoxify spell, don't I?!"

I thrust my right hand out at Halkara.

Only…Detox isn't effective unless you touch the other person…

The mere act of touching Halkara seemed risky. I suspected she'd try something on me before I detoxified her completely.

I—I think I'll just keep running…!

"Please wait, Madam Teacher!"

"In a way, my apprentice, you're lucky I'm a woman."

I couldn't deny that, had I been male, I could have succumbed to my desires.

Halkara's body just seemed that incredibly soft. It curved in all the right places.

Conversely, her body type didn't give her an athletic advantage, so I led Halkara along steadily, frequently glancing back to check on her.

Why was I doing that? Because this was a forest, and it had its dangers.

Abruptly, Halkara's face disappeared from view.

"Agh! I'm falling, I'm gonna faaaaall!"

Halkara had taken a misstep and was beginning to slip down a slope.

It was dirt, so she probably wouldn't die, but it was likely she'd sprain a leg or get scraped up.

"Oh, honestly…!"

I quickly turned back, stretched out a hand, and grabbed one of Halkara's.

Agility: 841.

My staggering stats had made this possible.

"Y-you've saved my life…Madam Teacher…"

"You're a troublesome apprentice, aren't you?"

"You saved me. Does that mean you really do like me, Madam Teacher?"

"It still hasn't worn off…"

Later, once all the poison was out of her system, Halkara kept bowing and bowing and bowing in apology.

"I'm terribly sorry! Really! I'm sorry! I caused you so much trouble!"

"You sure did. Still, what's done is done, and there's no point in talking about it. Let's consider it water under the bridge."

"Thank you so much!"

Halkara smiled.

This apothecary made a lot of mistakes, but it was hard to hate that smile.

"If you seem likely to cause trouble again, though, I'll make that call."

"Call? Call what?"

"Beelzebub."

Halkara went pale. "Anything but that!"

***

That afternoon, after Halkara and I returned from the forest, we began brewing pharmaceuticals.

That hadn't been part of the plan, but Halkara had remarked, "I'd like to sell medicine to earn money."

Apothecaries did everything from manufacturing medicine to selling it, and apparently, she wanted to earn money on her own to contribute to the house's income. "I'm lodging with you for nothing, so I can't act high and mighty," she explained.

Everything one needed to make medicine was already in place.

Since a witch—yours truly—had lived in this house for so many long years, it had a lab.

There was also a small room for drying herbs and mushrooms.

This was because some types became less effective if they contained moisture.

When it came to mixing medicines, Halkara did things properly.

However, rather than curing diseases or treating symptoms, most of her concoctions were meant to maintain health or give the body energy. They were the type you were supposed to take daily.

"With natural remedies, I think it's all right to compound them this way."

"I know, but do they work on illness?"

"It's more efficient to make the body itself healthy, isn't it?"

If my values were closer to those of Western medicine, Halkara's were probably nearer to traditional Eastern medicine.

It wasn't a question of which was better. Both were necessary.

For that reason, I was grateful she had come here. There was a lot I could gain from this as well.

Of course, I'd also made elixirs with the villagers' health in mind, but I hadn't devoted any real thought to giving them something to take on a regular basis.

Besides, daily pills got expensive, so they were hard to sell.

Apparently, since Halkara could make hers with relative ease, she was able to keep her prices down.

Around then, Laika brought in some herbal tea. "You two must be tired from all your hard work."

"Thank you, Laika. Were the girls good?"

"After we had lunch, they got sleepy and went down for a nap right away. They might have risen earlier than usual this morning. They're asleep on the same bed."

"It's tempting to go peek at them while they're sleeping, but I might wake them, so I'll refrain."

Those two really were incredibly cute when they were asleep. Especially when they'd gotten tired and started napping on the same bed. They were so adorable that it was frustrating that this world had no cameras.

"How did your herb gathering go?"

Halkara's face went red.

"I messed up…"

"Messed up?"

"I'm sorry. Please don't ask for details. I'm so embarrassed I could die…"

I thought it would be mean to kick her when she was down, so I decided to keep quiet.

"Well then, Halkara. Tomorrow, if the weather's nice, I'll introduce you to the village. It's a small place, so word will travel quickly either way."

"All right. I leave it to you, Madam Teacher!"

Halkara went out of her way to raise a hand as she responded.

Everything about her was indiscreet.

She'd been running a company up until now, which made me wonder how that had really gone for her, but actually, it was likely you couldn't do big things like that without a certain lack of discretion. After all, somebody cautious would never launch a business.

On the other hand, you could say the mushroom-sorting mix-up had been the result of that same recklessness.

It was both a good and bad thing. This was tricky stuff.

"Prepare some medicine to take along tomorrow, then. There's a shop that sells things for me on consignment. We'll say this is a curative the new witch made and leave it there."

"All right! In that case, it would be best if I made it something distinct from yours, Madam Teacher."

"True. Those pills that help your digestive system might be good—or the ones that restore missing nutrients."

Would these be called health supplements?

After that, I looked Halkara up and down again.

"We should also get some clothes tailored for you."

This outfit wasn't keeping Halkara's charms in check at all. It might have been a bit shy on fabric.

"Um, this is fine, though. It feels as though it's stretched out as I've been wearing it."

"Stretched out… It did, huh…?"

I wasn't very interested in her stats, but I was terribly curious about her measurements.

At dinner, we set the mushrooms Halkara had picked on the table.

I'd had her check to make absolutely sure none of them were poisonous before she cooked them.

Ingesting poison wasn't good for anybody, but the damage could have been particularly serious for my daughters' small bodies.

"If you slice these Stripy Wave Mushrooms, then sauté them with lean chicken, broccoli, and a lot of salt, they're pretty good. It goes well with liquor, too."

I had taken the opportunity to stand in the kitchen and watch her cook.

"Flower-Cap Rainbow Mushrooms get tough, so let's put them in a stew."

Was this mushroom-style improvised cooking?

Halkara's dishes went over incredibly well, and I was quite satisfied, too.

Thanks to her, the recipe repertoire of the house in the highlands looked poised to expand quite a bit.