Breathe

My body felt weightless. No more pain, no more laughs, nor the bad smell was there. There was no hunger or pain. The familiar darkness and the absolute silence welcomed me as my body was dissolved. My body went back not having any sort of form, like a limitless material filling space. I did not have any parts to move. I got used to being able to touch or interact with things, but in this form, I had no arms, no legs, anything at all. The absence of senses or movement felt numb and awkward. I wanted to cry for dad or mom, but no voice came out of my mouth. I did not even have a mouth, to begin with. However, the storm of feelings faded until it was replaced with acceptance. There was no one to notice my discontentment. Therefore, there was no need for it.

Different from my first time there, I was more self-conscious. I was not in a vegetable state, because I had some kind of intellect and memories, even though both were only at baby level. I held myself to those memories as a funny thing to do. Dad, mom, Alice and Jonathan, and even Mrs. Hubson were present with me there. Mom with her gentle and soft voice. Dad with his goofy face and fondness. Alice and Jonathan, with their own excitement for new things and engagement for adventures. Finally, Mrs. Hubson with that strange furry bag. That one I didn't want to remember, but she was always there with mom. I realized for the first time what love was, my love for those people. I was just a baby, but I knew instinctively what was good or bad for me. Those people meant the world, and in a matter of a simple event, I was not going to see them again. It took me quite some time to realize that. Slowly, but steadily, I was forgetting them. My mind was no longer able to keep functioning even at the baby level. What used to be like a movie, and then turned into pictures. The sounds no longer existed. Those memories were fainting away. They were now faceless people in a dream-like place. Colors started already fading away. I no longer remembered my dad's hair color. Alice had white hair. Strange, but in those faceless people, I could feel a warm feeling as their eyes were on me with gentle smiles. They were waving to me.

"Breathe, Henry! Breathe! Jonathan, grab me some clean clothes and fresh water from the well!" A muffled voice echoed in the darkness. I was not dead yet. There was somewhere in the darkness. From that darkness, I could see the contour of my arms forming, but I could not move them. They were hanging in front of my head. A low noise, got louder and louder until it was deafening. "Henry, dad is here. Don't give up, buddy! Jonathan, bring the bucket here!" I could feel a weight on my chest that did not let me breathe. A dimming light contoured where I thought my arms were, and all the content of my stomach and whatever was in my lungs came out of my mouth, living a terrible taste behind. "Here, buddy, that's how you do. Keep going!" Dad was patting my back, helping me to clear my throat. I gave a low cry. I barely have the strength to breathe. I felt dizzy and could not stop vomiting. My eyes were getting back to normal. I could see the bedroom floor and feel my dad's hand holding my chest. He turned me upside and cleaned my face with a wet, cold cloth. The cold water was slowly helping to recover from the dizziness. The buzzy sound was also fading. I looked at dad's face, and he was crying. Dad's hands were shaking too.

"Dad… is he fine?" said Jonathan with a trembling voice.

"Everything will be alright…" dad hugged me until the point that I was about to pass out again. One of dad's arms grabbed Jonathan, pulling him closer to be hugged. Jonathan's whole body was shaking in fear. Dad mumbled a prayer similar to what he did over the last dinner. Like last time, my body felt lighter, and my fear vanished. Jonathan stopped shaking, but dad's hands were still shaking, and breathing heavily.

"Dad… I can't breathe…" Dad said anything. His heartbeats were loud and fast like almost getting out of his chest. "I want to shower… you smell baby poop". Dad let a small laugh, and Jonathan continued, "Mom will be mad at us. The bedroom is dirty."

"Yeah, we are all stinky… Let's get the bathtub ready" said dad, cleaning his face on his shoulder. "After that, I'll make us some dinner".

When we were done bathing and cleaning the bedroom, it was already dark outside. Dad carried me all the time in one of his arms, even when he washed my only piece of clothing. He hung it by the stove, next to my other cloth diapers. I was only wearing my diapers now. Dad was wearing soft clothes, and Jonathan seemed happy after the shower in his dress-like pajamas.

"Dad, you always add different herbs in the bathtub. It smells very nice!" said, seated on a chair with his legs hanging in excitement.

"Dad has his little tricks after all", said dad. He blinked and patted his head.

"Dad, you want me to take some dried weed to start the fire? The stove is cold…"

"We will do the same as we did for the bathtub, buddy", he said naturally.

"You didn't boil the water here?" said confused. Alice and mom used to fill some pots with hot water and pour them into the bathtub.

"I just need to add some firewood…" dad added some firewood to the stove, but one. With that one, he mumbled something and smoke started coming from it.

"Wow!" Jonathan looked at the wood trying to understand how he did it. Mom used to rub a stick and a punch of dried weed to get the fire started.

"Dad has his little tricks after all"

"What did you do?"

"It's magic", said as if it was the most obvious thing. He looked at the Jonathan's sparkling eyes, and continued, "Cool, isn't it?", and he threw the firewood inside the stove, shortly the others ignited as well.

"Cool! I wanna do that too!"

"Oh, well… keep that a secret. Mom doesn't like me using it at home". Dad seemed concerned and worried. By his facial expressions, he realized that he did something that he should not have done. "Could you grab me water from the barrel over there? I'll warm up some milk, and cook a deer-rabbit stew", said changing the topic. Jonathan seemed to have forgotten and helped dad to make dinner. I still had a bit of discomfort in my throat and stomach, but I was getting hungry.

Dad served dinner, and he prayed as always. I didn't have any solid food, but the smell was wonderful. Jonathan seemed to enjoy it a lot. I had nothing to complain. I was happy with my warm goat's milk too. Jonathan and dad guessed what mom and Alice would be doing at that time. Jonathan said they would be having fun seaming and checking on different types of fabrics and cloths from different places. It seemed Jonathan had been in the village and in a nearby town. He mentioned places and people that I couldn't follow along. The words started to be all messed up in my mind. I could have slept, but I was still shocked by everything that happened. I didn't want to go back to that dark place again. Dad eventually pinched my cheeks with a gentle smile.

"Here it comes the ninth bell. It's time to us to sleep". I could hear a bell ringing somewhere far away.

"Dad, Alice is not here… Could I sleep with you today?"

"Of course!"

They cleaned the table and headed to the bedroom to sleep, blowing off the candle in the way. Jonathan hurried up in front of us to take his pillow to the bedroom. Tonight the moon was bright outside, even with the windows closed, we could see the light from their little holes. We were all in bed. Jonathan was by dad's side, and I was on dad's chest. Jonathan turned to him with a happy face.

"Dad, tell us a story! I'm sure Henry's never had one of them. I like the ones about the gods!"

"Well… That's true. But don't get too much excited or you won't sleep, uh?"

"I promised!"

"There are seven gods, and each god has their godly servants. Some has more, others has fewer. Six gods are known to be rulers of our world, and the seventh is their queen. Their main job is to keep our world in balance. They keep the disasters away, and the world functioning properly. However, sometimes they are the reason for the disasters. A long time ago, the day and the night were one…" Jonathan interrupted him.

"Before you were born?"

"Of course! I'm still young. This happened long, long time ago. That you can't count in our fingers, even using mine, mom's, Alice's and Henry's fingers"

"Wow, that's a long time then!"

"They even fight each. Some say that's the reason why we have the seasons. Why we cannot mix water and fire, and so many other things"

"Why they couldn't simple be friends?"

"I don't know…" Dad patter Jonathan head. "They have their own reasons that we might never understand... Now, let's sleep!"

I woke up a few times at that night. Dad was used to that already, but Jonathan complained. Finally the morning came.

"I'm still tired…" said finishing his breakfast.

"Well… when you were at Henry's age, you didn't let us sleep at all. I was glad that we lived in a wilderness like this…"

"Dad! Meany!"

Dad laughed, making a funny face to me, and so I giggled too. Jonathan's face got all red. Dad patted his head.

"It's in the past now. I'm glad you are fine now. Mom show be around fourth bell. We still have plenty of the morning and about half of the afternoon". Dad put his long straw farmer hat, and set me in a sling.

The day was hot, and I slept the majority of the time. The moments I was awake, dad took short breaks to feed me, give me water or change me. Those breaks were filled with Jonathan complaining of his sleepiness. Dad and he were removing whatever could be a problem for the growing crops, like weeds, and dead breaches. Dad once said that it was not a lot of work to do, and Jonathan could sleep after lunch.

Lunch was fast, nothing more than the leftovers from dinner last night and bread. They did a small picnic under a tree. At that moment, we saw mom and Alice walking home. We waved to them, and they came to greet us. Jonathan ran to hug mom.

"Dad! I missed you!" Alice shouted, running towards dad, who grabbed her on the air. "We brought beautiful fabrics and cloths for all of you!" Dad looked confused.

"Don't worry! The jerk beef sold so easily and at a high price. I was surprised too!" said mom giving a smile, and kissed dad. "How is Henry? Is he asleep?"

"I'm glad you were all safe and sound, and even had time to spend some coin!" said tickling Alice. He took me out of the sling, and faced me. "He is well-feed and clean. With these chubby legs, we could make some bacon!" said, biting one of my legs. I giggled in response, and he turned me to mom, who was holding Jonathan's hand.

"Oh my sweet! I missed you so much!"

"You didn't miss me?" said dad complaining

"Maybe. The ladies at the workshop don't snore" and she blushed and walked away with Jonathan and me.

"What?"

I could still hear dad grumbling from far away.