CLEAR AIR

The next day, Saturday, there wasn't much to do. We made some phone calls early in the morning to settle some arrangements but that was all. Robb was right when he said that with the weekend everything would slow down.

You see, my mum wanted to donate everything that someone could use once she had left us, we both knew about that, so her body was left at the hospital for them to make the necessary procedures. This would probably take them a few days.

When we talked with family – long distance – and friends some of them also said that it would take them at least 3 - 4 days to get here for my mum's cremation - and the little gathering we will do that day – so, you see, it'll probably have to wait till Wednesday.

Anyway, I believe by Monday we can have further news, and start making the final arrangements.

At first, I thought that I could start going through my mum's stuff. Organize, throw/give away things that might not be needed anymore and all that jazz. But once I entered my mom's room and started going through her things a wave of memories hit me and I had to about mission.

"It's much too soon." Said Chris to me when we had lunch. "Sometimes it's even hard to be in the house. Too many memories."

"Yeah, you're right. I just wanted to make myself useful, but I should simply let it sit for a bit."

"You should take a break. Your mum said you've been working like crazy on that gallery show, barely sleeping or eating. And then this happened. You need to let yourself rest."

"I know I need a break, I was going to take a break but now…" I ended the sentence with a sight of sorts, leaving it in the air while my mind pondered. After a small, comfortable silence I added "You know I've always been unable of standing still and do nothing for long."

"Oh, I remember clearly." He was getting up from the table, picking up the plates so I followed suit and picked up the rest. Once he placed down the plates on the sink, he turned to me suddenly with a mischievous look in his eyes. "Why don't we take this weekend to ourselves, to relax. I think we deserve it, huh?" I smiled at his sudden excitement and thought 'what the hell does he have in mind', as on cue to my thought, he kept going. "We can go out, to the movies, have dinner… Or stay here and do a movie marathon with homemade popcorns and order food. Oh! And we could go take a walk through the woods that are in the back of the house tomorrow morning, for example."

His excitement was incredibly contagious and he almost seem like a child on Christmas morning. I couldn't keep a chuckle from escaping me.

"C'mon, it will be fun!" I felt his hands searching for mine and soon he had them in front of him in a pleading pose, with my hands inside his "Pretty please? It would be a good chance to reconnect…" His pleading blue eyes connected with mine, and I realised he was a bit too close for comfort, which made me a bit nervous.

"Okay, alright!" I finally agreed. He let go of my hands to do some celebrating expressions. I could tell he was doing this just to make me smile and lighten the mood, so I went along with it. We actually needed some unwinding. The house was falling down on us.

"What should we do first?" He started.

And you know what? The weekend was actually pretty fun, we tried our best to just rest and enjoy ourselves. It felt like years ago, when we first started getting along – and before dating – when we would do everything together and enjoy each other's company.

It was good to get to know each other again, cause, let's get real, in 11 years a lot of things change.

Well, one thing didn't, but I didn't know that yet.

We had an interesting dinner on Saturday where we chatted a lot, and we ended up having a brief conversation about our love life where I ended up feeling pretty confused, and I still am.

Maybe it was the wine.

*Flashback*

We were talking about some previous relationships we had, without getting into much detail. I had been in a couple of 'serious' relationships, none of them lasted past the year and a half, or at least not before Robb. I told him I had a few other not-so-serious flings or 'friends with benefits', and then he told me most of what he had were flings, but he was being awfully mysterious about the 'more serious relationships.'

"So, you're with a guy now, right? Robbert, was that his name?" Asked Chris, slightly arching one eyebrow up and trying to keep it casual.

"Yeah, Robb. We've been together for about 3 years now and living together this last 2." I wanted to see where this was going, I told myself this could simply be a casual conversation between friends, that is if we don't consider our history.

"Pretty serious then, uh? You must love each other very much." He then lowered his gaze, contemplating his drink while he started to jiggle it slowly and absentmindedly, a slight glint of pain in his eyes.

"Well… You don't spend three years with someone if you don't love them. Do you?" It was a rhetorical question of sorts, but his answer surprised me.

"I have. Well, none lasted till the third year, though." He paused, I was curious. "But I've had a few serious relationships since us, and as much as I tried I couldn't bring myself to love any of them."

"How can that be possible? Not even once?" I tried to keep my tone casual, but slightly playful, to keep the light mood of the evening.

"No, not really." He said, after being quiet for a few seconds, I could see his mind pondering. "Maybe affection, but that was just because of the habit or the friendship." He seemed sad and very lonely at that moment. My mom always told me that he never seemed completely happy when she saw him, but I never really asked much. I knew he became more of a lonely type of guy after I left, just not to what extent.

"How can you be so sure you were never in love?" I was really curious now about his love life, but I didn't want to be too noisy about it. Well, I definitely hoped I wasn't being it already.

"Well, you want the truth?" He looked up at me, his expression sadder than before, he continued without waiting for my answer. "I never lied to you before, not gonna start now." He chuckled, the smile never reached his eyes. The mood was suddenly tense. "Being with them, none of them had me feeling remotely what I felt when I was with you. Not even close. My heart, it felt numb without you. And now I know I could never love anyone the way I loved you."

"I could never forget you, I'm still in love with you."