Dare not to remember

Mabel sat stricken. She heard Rachel moving about in the kitchen, then heard her drive away, but still she couldn't move. She couldn't believe what had just happened. After what seemed like an eternity, she went to the bar and mixed herself a stiff whiskey, downing it in one gulp. She mixed another and sank into an armchair.

"June 5, June 5, June 5," she mentally repeated the date. It was a date she'd spent years trying to forget. Slowly, she sipped her drink as the memories of 1995 came flooding back.

A barrage of congratulations from her classmates greeted seventeen-year-old Mabel Sinclair as she arrived at school that morning.

"Congratulations, Bel," her friend Sophie said as they stood in the locker room.

"You made the school proud," another friend, Karen, added.

The day before, she'd been declared the winner of a state-organized art competition. 

"Thanks, it was nothing." Mabel said modestly. "You know I love painting. The prize was, by the way."

"How much did you win?" Karen asked.

"It was supposed to be two hundred dollars, but I only received fifty, our beloved school got the rest."

"That's not fair," Sophie frowned.

"It was your painting, you deserve all the money," she continued.

"I don't mind, just happy I won."

"What are you spending the money on?" Karen asked eagerly.

"That's her business," Sophie said sharply.

"Nothing. My parents took the money," Mabel said mournfully.

"Also unfair, why would they do that?" 

"They don't let me have money, so I won't be tempted to sin," Mabel said.

Sophie opened her mouth to say something, then paused. Their classmates were backing up as the JIMM gang came forward.

 The JIMM gang, short for Jo, Irene, Meghan, and Marge, a quartet of four bullies who made it their mission to make the life of many students miserable, surrounded her. 

"All hail Picasso," Jo, the leader of the gang, mocked.

Her companions laughed.

"How much did you win yesterday?" She demanded.

"None of your business," Sophie said.

"Shut up mouse!" Irene told her.

"Fifty dollars," Mabel stammered.

"Liar!" Jo slammed her against her locker. While Meghan snatched her backpack.

The other students, relieved not to be on the receiving end, eagerly watched the confrontation. 

"Leave her alone," Sophie said. She and Karen tried to intervene but the menacing stance of Jo's companions stopped them.

"I'm not lying," Mabel insisted.

"We know it was two hundred dollars you pig-faced liar, we've heard it, and we want it!" Jo demanded.

"She got only fifty, the school got the rest. Now leave her alone!" Sophie yelled.

"Shut your trap, or we'll shut it for you!" Jo told her.

The bell rang.

"We'll talk later pig face!" She released her and left with her companions, Meghan stopping to throw her bag at her.

"Losers," Sophie said angrily.

"This isn't good," Karen said fearfully.

"Those losers can't do a thing," Sophie insisted.

Mabel was too shaken to argue. "Let's get to class," she said, picking up her bag.

They filed into class and took their seats. The Math teacher entered.

"Bring out your textbooks," he ordered after preliminary greetings.

Mabel placed her backpack on her knees and rummaged through it for her book. Something crawled on her hand and dress. 

"Spiders!" She let out a loud cry, leaping from her seat, dancing, and wildly waving her hands. Her classmates burst out laughing and jeering. Sophie and Karen went to help her.

"What's going on, miss Sinclair?" her teacher asked her.

"Spiders," she wailed, running to the door. She had a pathological fear of spiders.

"Quiet all of you, or face detention!" He shouted to the class. They shut up immediately. He went over to her desk and joined her friends in stomping the spiders running out of her bag. It looked like someone had emptied a jar of spiders into her backpack. He turned to Mabel. 

"How did they get in here?"

She knew one of the bullies must have put them in her bag while the others had her distracted, but snitching wasn't an option.

"I don't know," she mumbled.

"You don't know? There are so many spiders in your bag, and you don't know how they got there? Look, I don't have time for any nonsense. If this is some trick to disrupt my class, I won't accept it. Now sit down or leave my class." 

He turned to her friends. "You two sit down."

She walked gingerly to her desk and sat down miserably. The thought of any spiders crawling around her now gave her goosebumps. Her heart pounded. She knew the JIMM gang were just getting started.

And they were. They accosted her and her friends as they had lunch in the canteen.

"Hope you liked our gift?" Jo asked.

"Why don't you all get a life," Sophie said angrily.

"One more squeak out of you, and I'll squash you," Jo warned her, then turned to Mabel. "Give us the money, and we'll think about leaving you alone," 

"I don't have it!"

"She's telling the truth," Karen chipped in.

"Shut it,"

"She doesn't have the money. Now you guys buzz off," Sophie said.

Meghan grabbed a fist full of Sophie's hair while Irene grabbed another. They began pulling in opposite directions. 

"Ouch! Let me go!" Sophie cried.

"Stop it please, you are hurting her!" Mabel and Karen pleaded.

Jo grabbed Mabel by the hair, "Make sure you have the $200 with you by tomorrow, or else get ready to be beat down, weirdo."

They released them and left.

Red-faced and fuming, Sophie let out an expletive.

"Don't use such words," Mabel cautioned.

"They deserve it." She rubbed her head, eyes blazing.

"What are you going to do?" Karen asked.

"Tell them to go to hell," Sophie said.

"Give them the money. They mean business."

"I don't have it," Mabel answered desperately.

"Can't you get it from your parents?"

"No, I told you they don't let me have money."

"Ignore them. They can't do a thing," Sophie said. "Don't let it bother you."

But it did. She worried on the way home. Raising money was the only way to avoid getting beaten up.

It worried her until she entered the modest bungalow where she lived with her parents and half siblings. Her half siblings were in the living room when she entered, seated at the dining table working on their homework.

"I'm back," she announced. Her half-brother, Tony, ran to hug her.

"Welcome back, mom's mad. You were a couple of minutes late," he told her.

"You are going to get the stick," her half-sister, Jean, told her gleefully.

Mabel ignored her, just then her stepmother walked in.

"You are late, Mabel, why? What were you doing after school?" Jane Sinclair asked her stepdaughter. 

Mabel winced. As a clergy's daughter, her parents, particularly her stepmother, set an almost impossible standard for all of them. They were almost always in church. They never went to parties, had any friends or read anything aside from religious literature. The kids found the strict religious lifestyle suffocating.

"Where did you go?" Her stepmother repeated, harshly walking towards her. Mabel dreaded her stepmother, who was strict to the point of being abusive. She easily resorted to corporal punishment, beating her children and stepdaughter for the flimsiest reason. Her father was the very opposite.

"Nowhere mom, I came straight home," she insisted.

"How was school?" Tony asked. He was almost as tall as Mabel and had her kind of dark hair and eyes.

"Shut up and go back to your studies," his mother barked at him. Fearfully he obeyed. 

"If you came home immediately, why are you late?" 

"Stopped to see her boyfriend," Jean teased. She was short and thin, with brown hair and eyes like her mom.

"Shut up, I don't have a boyfriend, you know that," she turned to her stepmother. "School let out late." 

"Your voice is shaky, you are obviously lying." Her stepmother's eyes scanned the room. Mabel began to sweat; she knew she was searching for the wooden stick she normally used on them. Tony knew it too. Mabel saw him tense. Jean was smirking.

Luckily, her father walked in.

"Hey kids, hey honey!"

"Dad, welcome!" relieved, she went to hug him.

"She was late and refused to say why," Jane told her husband.

"I've told you mom. School let out late, that's why, honestly!"

"School doesn't always close on time, honey, today may be one of such days. Give her the benefit of the doubt," Peter Sinclair said mildly.

Her mother eyed them then went back to the kitchen. Crisis averted, Mabel and Tony breathed a sigh of relief, Jean of disappointment. She loved it when her siblings got beaten.

"Change your clothes and come help me," her mother yelled "We have bible study this evening."

" Yes mom," 

She rushed into her small bedroom. The problems at school still weigh heavily on her mind. Who would give her two hundred dollars? Sophie and Karen were as broke as her. Her parents? A waste of time, but she was desperate. She would give it a try. She removed her uniform and changed into her oversize cotton dress. Her stepmother bought all her clothes. They were all drab, oversize, and ugly dresses in her eyes. She looked forward to the day when she could move out and start dressing like other girls. Her father was alone in the living room when she went to meet him.

"Dad, how was your day?"

"Great dear, how was school?"

"Fine," she paused. "Dad, could I start having an allowance?"

His eyes widened.

 "Why? What do you need money for? You have everything you need."

"I know, but I'm grown up. I want some pocket money like…"

"Why do you need money?" Her stepmother asked, materializing behind her. 

"You want to give it to a boy, right? Jean said it." 

She turned to her husband, "I told you, Mabel is going astray, but you refuse to discipline her."

"I'm not, mom!" She protested. "Jean is just being silly. I just want a little money to buy a few nice things, once in a while. What's wrong with that?"

"Shut up. Don't you dare talk back at me," her stepmother tried to slap her, but her father intervened. 

"Calm down everyone. I'll talk to her," he told his wife. Then he turned to his daughter. "Look Mabel, as my daughter, you need to be of good behavior. It would kill me if you got into anything that would bring shame to our family. Am I understood?"

"Yes Dad," 

"For now, be content with what you have, and stay away from boys. Know that everything we do is for your own good, OK sweetheart?"

She nodded.

"Good! Remember you don't need money to be happy." 

 Mabel sighed. All she could think of was the danger facing her at school tomorrow.

 The JIMM gang didn't speak to her throughout the morning.

"The cowards probably decided to back off," Sophie said as they made their way to their locker to change for gym class.

"I doubt," Karen worried. "Did you ask your parents for money?"

"Yes, and they didn't give me any. I'm sick and tired, I don't know what to do."

"Relax, they won't bother you again, I'm sure of it," Sophie insisted.

They changed into their gym clothes and made for class.

"I have to go to the bathroom, I'll catch up with you guys," Mabel told her friends.

"Want us to come with you?" Sophie asked.

"No, I don't see the JIMM gang anywhere. I'll be ok,"

 The bathroom was empty except for a slim girl combing her hair. Mabel was washing her hands when the door opened and the gang came in.

"Out!" Irene ordered the girl. The latter gave Mabel a sympathetic look and hurried out.

"Where is the money?" Jo demanded.

"I don't have it yet, but I'll get it soon! I swear!" She panicked.

"She thinks we're kidding," Meghan told her companions. "Let's show this girl we mean business."

Marge kept watch while the others advanced upon a panic-stricken Mabel and seized her.

They wrestled her to the bathroom floor. Two of the bullies held down her arms while Jo stuffed a hankie in her mouth and sat on her legs, then raised her shorts.

Mabel watched in alarm as Jo lit a cigarette.

"Have a smoke," she smiled wickedly and pressed the glowing tip on her thigh.