Fuck!! What's wrong with me?

'Fuck!! What's wrong with me? Why did I react like that?'

Nakul lay wide awake in his bed, doing an aftermath of things that happened during the day. A Midnight sky with blues and blacks didn't help either. Tick-tock. Time flowed away as Nakul kept staring at the ceiling.

'Why was I so on edge in the morning? Honestly I had nothing to do with their situation. He can sleep with who ever the fuck he wants. It doesn't matter to me. Then...why did it.....I just.....didn't like how she felt. It was as if I was robbing something from her....But I AM NOT!! Fuck....'

He rolled over on his side, as he made another attempt to put himself to sleep which failed. He sat up in agitation.

'Why did I feel as if I owed her something? And when she told me that Dhiraj just left her...I felt this urge to confirm....if he did.....'

Sighing in frustration, he let go of his body and crashed on the bed. 'It shouldn't matter right?' He was erratic and so was his heart. 'Why couldn't I just ignore it?' He closed his eyes and massaged his temples as they had begun to throb now.

His mind wandered off again. And this time, its destination was Dhiraj's smile. He just couldn't get that damn smile out of his head. FUCK!! He cursed some more as he hit his pillow real hard. 'Why?'

'Do I like.....' A cold shiver went down his spine as his heart picked up pace. 'no....NO.. That's not possible....Shut up....'

Nakul tightly shut his eyes at that thought, forcing his brain to not to think any stupid thought and just sleep. But then, he suddenly remembered some words of Tanishqa...."A man can never love him the way a woman would ...."

'I'm not sure about that either.'

* * *

Nakul was making breakfast with dark circles under his eyes. He wasn't able to get even a wink of sleep last night. On top of that, standing in front of him was Rajat. Waiting for Dhiraj to complete his bath. An air of awkwardness was evident. For some reason Nakul got the vibes that Rajat didn't really like him. Again, he didn't know why, but he just felt.

Maybe it was because Nakul was slightly conscious of how this man viewed his boss wooing another man. Nakul tried his best to ignore Rajat. But Rajat's growling stomach did not allow that to happen. Of course the man would be hungry, Nakul thought. Visiting your boss as early as 7 in the morning, who does that?

Nakul couldn't help but admire Rajat's dedication towards his job in the past months that he had witnessed. No matter what time it was, the moment Dhiraj summoned Rajat, he would be there. Nakul had quite a few questions he wanted to ask Rajat about Dhiraj. But he kept them to himself.

~Growl

That was it. Nakul HAD to do something about those growls.

"Would you like an omelet?" Nakul offered Rajat the breakfast he was preparing for him and Dhiraj.

"Ahh...me?" Rajat was taken aback by the offer. "Sorry. I'm a vegetarian so...."

"Oh. yeah....okay...no issues. Then some Chai(Indian Tea) and toast?"

Now that was a tempting offer for Rajat.

"Ah...." Rajat hesitated for a moment but obliged, "sure". He got seated on the chair in front of the kitchen platform as Nakul poured some tea for him.

Silence took over again as they both had their breakfast. A few seconds later their eyes met and they quickly looked in another direction. More seconds passed by and the awkwardness grew. Finally Rajat decided to break it. In his regal tone he began,

"I....heard what happened yesterday. About Tanishqa Ma'am. We'll change the locks immediately. Don't worry."

"Thanks" Nakul was glad that even a stranger had so much compassion for him. Nakul decided to quench his curiosity. "Can you tell me...about his past relationships?"

A monotone Rajat replied, "I think it's inappropriate of me to comment on my employer's personal life. Plus...I'm not close enough to him to comment on that."

Nakul couldn't help but wonder, 'Some employee you are'. He chuckled to himself, "I thought you were friends. Not just friends. In fact, for quite some time I thought you were his older cousin or something."

"That is not the case. I am just an employee. And his junior in college."

Without thinking much, Nakul blurted out his other doubt, "Sir, would you mind me asking a question? I just need a perspective."

"Yeah sure." Rajat had nearly finished his tea.

"Are.....Can men be....compatible? Like, to be in a relationship? "

Rajat stared at Nakul and that made Nakul unsure about the question he had just asked. He made an effort to explain himself properly.

"It's just that Tanishqa misunderstood that I and Dhiraj are like....in a relationship..." Nakul chuckled in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, " and she just told me that men cannot have a relationship. In the sense that, women are kind of wired to be with men....or something on that line so...."

"Well, I too think that men and women are genetically wired to be together. They just....have more patience and are more tolerant than men. And-"

"That sounds like it's coming from a personal experience." Nakul mindlessly commented.

But that comment made Rajat's expression weird. It was a mixture of how one feels being judged and the embarrassment, disappointment and agitation that follows it. Nakul caught on to it and immediately explained himself.

"No- I mean. It seems....like some woman...must have made some grave adjustments for you....I'm not saying...."fumbled Nakul through the words. Damn. 'I didn't want him to think that I think he too has been with a guy.'

But Rajat was uncomfortable although the reason was quite different from what Nakul had in his mind. One that might make Rajat seem.....a pathetic pitiful human. 'No, I don't want anyone to know about me'. And so he just politely thanked Nakul for the tea and left while a helpless Nakul kept looking at him.

'I didn't want to make you uncomfortable', Nakul regretted bringing up the conversation. He was just curious since Rajat must have experienced, quite closely, a relationship between 2 men. Plus he didn't want their future meetings to be awkward. 'But I guess the damage has been done....'

"Kul....Nakul '' Dhiraj was out of shower and dressed. A crisp linen white shirt with deep blue formal pants. He didn't need much to highlight his rugged body.

"Huh?" Nakul turned to him.

"What happened?"

"Ah...nothing. I think I made Rajat uncomfortable. I asked him.....about some things and I guess Rajat must have remembered a past relationship."

"Relationship and Rajat? That's impossible...." Dhiraj sat on the chair to have breakfast. He continued, "that guy is married to his work. In fact....I think he's a celibate. I think he must've never been in a relationship...."

Nakul couldn't help but feel, something was off. There definitely was something that had been triggered...

But soon he found his worries being left behind as he carried on with his life. Weeks passed by after the "incident" and both Nakul and Dhiraj got busy with their lives. Nakul with the approaching exams of his students and Dhiraj with procuring the 1st client for his personal venture. He was nearly working in double shifts, one at his mother's company while other at his own. But his efforts were bearing fruit as he was near to sealing a deal he had been working on for quite a few months now.

Nakul was certain days would pass by in a similar manner but what was about to happen was something he didn't expect.

* * *

FINALLY!!!!

Finally, we have reached the point where the "good stuff" will start. It's still mild level...but still.

Should I post it today/tomorrow or after 3 days as regular updates?

Do let me know!!