3 Chapter 3: The darkness and Severus Snape

For Severus Snape or Benedict Clarke, even he didn't know who he really was anymore, this was all so unreal.

He was Benedict Clarke but he was also without a doubt Severus Snape.

He couldn't just separate them as the two were intrinsically linked as Death said.

His memories, personality and feelings as Benedict Clarke along with his soul joining and coupling with his soul as Severus Snape to repair and prevent the death of it in his body as Severus Snape, it was all so real and crazy, just like his feelings and memories as Severus Snape which were also solid in his head and very real, not only in his head, his own body was more linked to his memories, feelings and his personality as Severus Snape, from his likes, feelings, machinations and other physical characteristics.

But now he was the sum of all these memories, feelings, and experiences of his two souls, he was 16-year-old Severus Snape, his soul was dying and was joined to his other soul as 18-year-old Benedict Clarke in one body.

He also knew that now he was not in complete control of all his actions.

It will take time for his body to adapt to both souls and his memories of both Benedict Clarke and Severus Snape.

Probably his body now will react more to the characteristics of his soul as Severus Snape, but little by little both souls will be forming and molding Severus' body to adapt to the characteristics of both, thus forming a new Severus, both in soul and body.

"Well, to clarify doubts, before dying as Benedict Clarke on Earth-777, I was a simple 18-year-old actor on Earth, very little known since I only played secondary characters without importance, maybe you can recognize me for being the actor of the young Severus Snape in the last installment of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows franchise. One day due to life I ended up dying from food poisoning and then passed into nothingness itself."

"Apparently after dying my soul spent the rest of its time in an eternal sleep, but then was joined to my other soul as Severus Snape, who apparently, for reasons unknown to me, was dying"

"That is how I am now both Severus Snape and Benedict Clarke in one body which is that of young Severus"

"The strange thing is that I lived a whole life as Severus Snape until I was 16, and I also lived a whole life as Benedict Clarke until I was 18 when I died"

"But in my life as Benedict Clarke there was a fiction in which my life as Severus Snape was nothing but a fiction in the books of an author named J. K. Rowling "

"Strange, I know, how my life as Severus Snape ended up being just a fictional character in the other...rather, the whole fucking world I lived in was just a fiction in my life as Benedict Clarke"

"Fuck, everything I went through and suffered was simply a fiction to entertain others."

"But well, as Death said, apparently there are many realities in the Multiverse, and apparently the reality in which I lived as Benedict Clarke had the coincidence of having the reality in which he lived as Severus Snape as fiction"

"Although it was not so much of a coincidence, as Death himself told me that my soul as Benedict Clarke has similarities to my soul as Severus Snape from this reality"

"I can only conclude and determine that this is because on Earth-777 as Benedict Clarke I was the actor of the current young Severus Snape in the latest installment of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows franchise, that is the only reason I can think of as to why both souls would have any resemblance," said Severus/Benedict to himself as he stood up from the bed he was in and stretched his body.

"Now, what Death didn't tell me was if everything in this world was the same as the fiction of my life as Benedict Clarke, or could there be some variation or another in the canon?"

Severus/Benedict began to recall and relate everything written in his life as Benedict Clarke about this world to his current knowledge as Severus Snape, even though there was not much written in the fiction of his other life as Benedict Clarke about the 1970s in which he currently lived, as it focused more on the 1990s or 1920s if there had been many important events that were detailed, both from his current decade and from times in the past that he could corroborate if they matched.

So it was that Severus/Benedict, with the knowledge he had of both souls about the magical world, began to compare in detail all the events he knew about the fiction of his world as Benedict Clarke with those he knew of his current life as Severus Snape.

"With my current knowledge, you can come to the conclusion that everything written about this world happened exactly how it was written in the fiction of my life as Benedict Clarke, but if everything so far happened exactly as it was written in the fiction, why was my soul as Severus Snape dying?"

"For Merlin, if everything played out just like it did in the fiction, my soul should never have been dying"

"My future life as Severus Snape was shitty in fiction from what I saw, but nothing implies that my soul was dying, Death himself said that a body without a soul would disrupt the order and that his life would be just like a robot's, with no emotions or feelings, just being moved by the memories and knowledge already formed in it, without generating anything new."

"Or perhaps he Severus Snape described in fiction already had his soul dead?"

"If so, when my souls were joined, my soul as Severus Snape would have had to have died and not joined my soul as Benedict Clarke, which ended up saving me and preventing the canonical future of the fictional Snape from happening, maybe that's the biggest difference between fiction and the reality I'm in now"

"Mmmmm that could be, it's a possibility"

"Maybe everything that would have to have happened canonically in fiction with the death of my soul as Snape was altered when Death merged my soul as Benedict Clarke to my soul as Severus Snape, to prevent my soul as Snape from dying altogether as that would upset the order of things in the Multiverse, which fiction doesn't take into account, just as Death isn't talked about much either"

"According to fiction Death could or could not exist, it never clarifies if it is true or not, it only explains that some believed it was a legend while others believed it could be real, in my current life as Severus Snape"

"I never believed in Death as an entity, I had read legends and tales, but nothing more, now I can be sure that Death exists and it is likely that he also created the famous death relics"

Most wise wizards think that the Peverell brothers were talented and very dangerous wizards who were capable of the creation of these incredibly powerful objects, while the version that they were the Deathly Hallows created by Death himself was nothing more than a sort of legend that must have arisen around the creation of those objects.

Today Severus/Benedict cannot be 100% certain that these objects were created by Death, but there is certainly a strong possibility that they were.

"If the Peverell brothers really did manage to contact Death and make a deal with Death, thus creating the three Deathly Hallows, I have to get my hands on these very powerful objects, maybe by having all three I can become the lord of death and thus talk to Death again."

"Mmmmm though for now, it's just a distant dream, since the Elder Wand belongs to Dumbledore and I have no chance of beating a wizard as powerful as him at present, the Invisibility Cloak I could take it from the bastard James Potter"

"Now I understand how Potter and his group of thugs always managed to ambush me without me seeing them coming, no doubt they were using the cloak that belongs by inheritance to the Potters, shameless bastards"

"And lastly there is the Resurrection Stone which should be currently, according to fiction, in the Gaunt family home which is in a semi-abandoned hovel on the outskirts of Little Hangleton, this stone is now in a gold ring which belonged to Sorvolo Gaunt but was taken by Voldemort and turned into his first Horcrux, then hidden for years under the floorboards of the old Gaunt family home, inside a gold box, protected by various enchantments."

"Mmmmm neither is it an option to take from the Gaunt house the ring with the stone. Currently, Voldemort is at his best and he is likely guarding the ancestral home of his maternal family where his Horcrux is hidden."

"I'd better forget about that for now and concentrate on my current situation which is difficult enough."

"For now I must say it is fortunate that I returned from Hogwarts a few days ago and decided to leave my home and come to The Leaky Cauldron, thus renting a room to stay in." thought Benedict/Severus to himself as he recalled the recent events he had gone through as young Severus Snape.

"Ugh, it's still sad, even having two souls doesn't stop hurting like before what happened, I didn't want to stay in my home because of the recent loss of my parents and the... well... supposed betrayal of Lily..."

"Now thanks to the united knowledge of both Severus and Benedict I can think more calmly and clearly about the things I go through as Severus Snape."

"And thanks to that I came to the conclusion that Lily is in every right to do what she wants"

"But even if I know that it doesn't stop hurting and bothering me, this... shit it hurts"

"Come on, for Meriln, not now, again this damn unbearable pain in the heart"

"I... I now understand better this long-lived feeling, this is for Lily without a doubt, it's what it feels like to lose what one loves and desires the most."

"It hurts, it hurts too much"

"it's like a stake stuck in my heart that is bleeding me out little by little, all these mixed-up feelings, love, hope, hopelessness, hate, resentment, fear, darkness, a lot of darkness, a lot of fear"

"I now understand better why I feel all this, but understanding doesn't help me to stop all the pain, I can't stand this, Merlin, shit"

"I have to control my feelings and my head. Fuck, UFFF, UGH, FUCK!" Benedict/Severus screamed as he lay back on the bed clutching his chest, he was shaking, moaning, sweating, crying, and writhing in pain.

My memories and feelings as Severus Snape began to invade my mind, and my body reacted as it used to to each of these feelings.

It didn't matter that it was now also Benedict Clarke, the pain and despair remained the same as before, the pain didn't change.

But now I could understand better why all these feelings before I hadn't fully come to understand my pain and blamed James Potter along with his group of bullies and also Lily for leaving me and going with Potter.

When I remembered Lily my heart pounded and at the same time contracted with pain, my breathing accelerated, and at times I felt short of breath, my body trembled, my eyes watered, my limbs twisted, my being began to feel extremely lonely, I felt cold, very cold accompanied by unbearable pain, I started to be invaded by hate, rage, pure anger, my being sought refuge in something.

I needed help and that's when I feel the always present in me, the darkness, the darkness is and was always the greatest ally I had during my short and miserable life as Severus Snape.

"Yes, the darkness, that's it!, the darkness never betrayed me, it never left me, it's always present, it feels good..." a part of me as Severus Snape kept telling myself, the last time I had fallen into the darkness but now that I integrated with Benedict Clarke I had seemingly drifted away again.

That's why right now, with the mind of Benedict Clarke and Severus Snape being one, I knew I could deal with this.

I knew that darkness wasn't everything and that I was just letting myself go down a path of no return, a future like the one written in the fiction of my life as Benedict Clarke.

Even though a part of me wanted to seek refuge in the darkness to relieve the pain and all these feelings, I knew very well what was waiting for me in the future doing that.

It was the path that he Severus Snape of the fiction that indirectly killed Lily took, it was a path that I would never take knowing where it would lead.

"I would never let anyone hurt Lily, I can be angry and disappointed with many of his attitudes, but I will always love her, protect her and wish her the best in her life, either by her side or from a distance, surely from a distance given my current situation with her"