HP: The Big Bad Wolf

Bailed, gives a lazy guy a few wishes and sees how it works out. That is all that is required to comprehend the story if one wishes to engage in its reading. Picture is an AI art done by 3D1viner on DeviantArt. If the dude complains, I will change the picture!

Ikaru5 · Book&Literature
Not enough ratings
43 Chs

Chapter 01: Fuck you old man, and fuck you, and fuck you too.

[Part 01: No fucks given.]

While Severus and I were battling the wolf, a group of people were engaged in discussions on how to resolve the crisis.

"What were you boys thinking?" Dumbledore asked, seated behind his pompous desk in his extravagantly decorated office.

Inside the office, two boys and a professor were present: James Potter, Sirius Black, and Professor McGonagall.

"Professor..." James started.

"The git is to blame for everything, all on his own. Snivellus marched in there like an idiot, thinking he'd unravel some big mystery. We didn't do anything, and James even saved his stupid arse from dying," Sirius said with outrage and anger.

Dumbledore looked into Sirius's eyes, unsure of how to proceed or how to deal with the situation.

Dumbledore knew the boy was lying, but that wasn't the main problem. The main trouble was that a boy's entire future was now at risk because of his decisions, or rather, his lack of such.

He had allowed the Marauders to get away with too many of their so-called pranks. He hadn't wanted to see it, but now he was seeing it.

Dumbledore felt older at this moment. Throughout the years, he had seen quite a few cases of injustice, his expression grave as he considered the gravity of the situation unfolding before him.

"James, Sirius," Dumbledore began, his voice measured but tinged with disappointment, "I understand your frustrations, but this time it is not just a prank that has gone too far. A young boy's future has taken a permanent hit, and I do not know how to solve the immediate crisis at hand."

McGonagall, her lips pressed into a thin line, interjected, "Dumbledore is right. We need to focus on finding a solution to deal with Severus and Remus's situation. If it gets out that we have allowed a werewolf to attend Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore will lose his job, and Remus will be sent to Azkaban."

James shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Dumbledore's penetrating gaze. "But what can we do now? The damage is done."

Sirius, his anger still palpable, clenched his fists. "We can't let Snivellus ruin everything for us. He's always been a thorn in our side."

Dumbledore raised a hand to silence them. "Enough. We must work together to address the current situation before it escalates further."

McGonagall nodded in agreement. "I will ask Hagrid to search for Mr Lupin. Our priority is to secure Lupin before something bad happens while he is in the forest, and only then can we focus on ensuring that Severus does not inform the Ministry."

As McGonagall left to organize the search party for Remus, Dumbledore turned back to James and Sirius. "I expected more from you. Your little fight with Severus has escalated way beyond something that is appropriate to take place in a school. We cannot afford any more of this. What you have done this time is enough to start a blood feud."

Just at this moment, the office's door was opened and Severus entered the Headmasters office.

[Part 02: Waking up and being pissed.]

As I slowly regained consciousness, the sterile scent of the hospital wing filled my nostrils.

'I fucking hate hospitals,' I thought at that moment. Hospitals are the most depressing places on the planet, even worse than cemeteries.

I saw a young woman around her late twenties or early thirties hurrying around, and recognized her as Madame Pomfrey. She looked much younger than I expected, which caught me off guard.

Surveying my surroundings, I noticed the myriad bandages covering my body, evidence of Remus's savage attacks on my person.

'I will strangle those bastards! Sending me into the maws of a fucking werewolf. Sure, I'd have been saved by Potter in the other timeline, and this time I benefitted even from it, but I am going to fuck those pieces of shit!' I thought, annoyed and furious.

Strangely enough, I felt detached from the pain and the situation at hand. I mean, knowing where you will end up, as in knowing how you will live and die, is a sobering experience.

I couldn't stomach the knowledge of my future, the path laid out before me like a horror film.

"I will cause the death of my best friend, get myself into the minion-ship of both the dumbest two assholes around, and have to slave away teaching fucking kids." I muttered annoyed.

Joining the Order of the Phoenix is already idiotic, never winning Lily's heart is painful, but I can live with either of these decisions, but what pisses me off is that they did absolutely nothing to change the outcome. I mean, half of me gives no fucks about Lily, while the other half now knows that I have no chances with her. And being destined to become a potion master that either works for Moldy or Gandalf—the thought filled me with a strange mix of resignation and bitterness.

"Fuck my life! If this is my future, then I have some serious work ahead of me to get away from this level of getting fucked! It is like I am fate's whore that gets fucked by every fucking person around!" I cursed at my future.

'I will make them all pay in due time—the headmaster, Black, Potter, Moldy—they would all pay for their roles in my suffering. Retribution would come, and I will enjoy dishing it out.'

"Mr. Snape, you are awake!" I hear Madame Pomfrey saying, seems like she heard my mumbling and decided to check on me.

[Part 03: Hogwarts is fucking creepy, and I hate walking.]

"Two more years in this damn school," I grumbled quietly as I made my way towards the low-budget Gandalf's office.

Having completed my O.W.L.s, I was keenly aware that only the dreaded Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests, or in short N.E.W.T's, and an inevitable apprenticeship lay ahead.

'The magical worlds naming convention is just stupid, or is this something that is just British?! I mean, these people are lunatics anyway. They went around stealing from everyone, and conquering people, all because they wanted spices.' I thought to myself, trying to understand what the fuck is wrong with some people. I seriously hate thinking about other people because they are all so difficult to understand!

Whatever, I assumed that somewhere along the next few years, I will inevitably end up joining Moldy and end up losing myself to a future filled with way too many regrettable choices.

As I walked through the corridors, the piercing gazes of the portraits lining the walls made me feel annoyed and uneasy. My heightened perception only added to my discomfort. 

After defeating my inner Wolf, all my stats are way over the top, and when I activate the Mask of Balzac, it becomes even more uncomfortable.

'I need to get first used to my new normal, and then to my full potential.' I concluded.

After passing by a few sets of armour and navigating through the labyrinthine staircases, I finally arrived at the gargoyle guarding the entrance to the headmaster's office.


"This place looked much better in the movies compared to actually being in it! Just walking from one place to another takes around twenty minutes," I murmured to myself during my walk from the Hospital Wing to the headmaster's office.

Just as I approached the Gargoyle, I spotted a younger McGonagall exiting the stairway to the office. We both looked shocked at one another for a moment.

'Seems like she did not expect me to be back on my feet already.' I thought.

"Excuse me, Professor. I need to visit the headmaster's office. Would you be so kind as to open the path or inform the headmaster for me?" I asked politely.

She collected herself after her momentary look of surprise.

"Mr. Snape, you're already up and about. Thank goodness. Sure, go ahead. The password is Sweettooth," she replied before hurrying off, clearly preoccupied with other matters.

[Part 04: I am done with you fuckheads.]

When I finally climbed the stairs and entered the headmaster's office, I saw Shithead and Cocksucker alongside Gandalf.

'As expected. The old goat fucker is surely thinking about how to get his boy toys out of trouble,' I thought to myself, noticing Dumbledore's face turning ugly after his eyes twinkled for a moment, and I felt his mind touch mine.

'Motherfucker, are you reading my thoughts, or why is your face scrunching up?' I thought.

() = Protected Thought behind Occlumency Shield.

('Hahaha, I love it! Son of a bitch, you can't even say anything while I insult you to your face.')

"Good evening, Headmaster, as well as Mr. Black and Mr. Potter. Madame Pomfrey informed me that I should immediately come over to your office after waking up," I say as I move further into his office.

I see the shitty burning chicken. I don't get why people hype up the burning chicken. Sure the bird is handy but he cannot be that rare if every second wand has a Phoenix feather in it. 

('Damn! Having a Phoenix is surely great! Just sell a few feathers and you have earned yourself a pretty penny. All you gotta do is collect the feather that fall off,' I thought.)

"Snivellus..." Black started, but I saw Potter elbowing him to shut him up.

"Severus, my boy, good evening to you too. It is great that you are already back on your feet and healthy," Dumbledore started saying. "Please come over and take a seat," he went on saying while conjuring a chair for me.

"Sure, Headmaster, and please call me Mr. Snape. We aren't close enough to skip formalities," I say drily as I move to take the offered seat.

'Okay, so what is it gonna be, Goat fucker?! I am sure you will tell me some bullshit story about why you cannot dish out expulsions for these bastards. Moving on, on how I am also to blame for being out of bed, and eventually ending it somewhere along the lines of gaslighting me into believing that it is in my own interest we keep everything between us. Maybe even making me swear an oath,' I think to myself.

"Hear, hear, Mr. Snape, he says. Even towards the headmaster, he has his stuck-up attitude," Black mutters under his breath.

I ignore the dog's comment. After all, a barking dog does not dare to bite, but I will have my vengeance in time.

"Mr. Snape, I am very sorry for how the evening has played out, but you know as well as I that we need to keep this under wraps. If the student body or the board of directors find out about this little incident..." Dumbledore starts saying, directly jumping to the point that is of interest to him.

"Let me stop you there, Headmaster. Your so-called little incident is that you have allowed and hidden the presence of a Werewolf in the school! I don't have anything against allowing afflicted Student into the school as they're not to blame for their infliction, but keeping it 'Under Wraps' as you call it has lead to our current situation. Not only that, because of unlucky circumstances and someone's machination, I fell victim to a plot and now am inflicted with the same fucking curse myself! Surely, you would not try to deny me justice in this situation!" I say without blowing my head.

"Mr. Snape, I understand your frustration, but if we make this public..." Dumbledore starts once again.

"Sir, everything before the word 'BUT' is horseshit! You understand nothing about my situation! If we make this public, I will get expelled from school and lose my wand, same for Mr. Lupin. He may even end up in Azkaban and get the kiss, depending on if I win at court, but either way I am fucked for life, and all because of you hiding his true nature. No matter if I win or lose I get ostracised, and all I can achieve is to fuck over the other victim of this distasteful 'joke',..." I say to the man with a dry tone, neither angry nor hateful.

"Haha, problem solved! You will not say anything, and you and Remus will stay in school," Black jumps in, interrupting me with a happy smile, apparently thinking that he has won.

Dumbledore, meanwhile, is frowning because that is all too easy, and the old man knows that nothing is ever easy when the other person is as calm as Severus is in this moment.

"But I will go public!" I finish saying after Black has shut up.

"But why?! You have as much to lose as Remus, maybe even more," Potter asks, blanching at the realization of what consequences this will have for Remus.

I look him dead in the eyes for a moment before saying, "Because it is the right thing to do! I am a risk to the student body, and so is Mr. Lupin! My own case proves this point indubitably!" I say while looking towards Black, who was laughing just moments earlier.

"You wouldn't dare!" Black says, anger evident on his face.

"Mr. Black, while I was lying there in my own pool of blood, I came to a realization. You want to know which one?" I say to him.

"Spit it out, Snivellus!" Black demands.

"I came to understand that some people think other people's lives are a joke. That other people are merely toys to be played around with, and they do not even have the decency to feel shame for their actions. What if a jokester decides that me being a Werewolf for life is not punishment enough? What if he thinks that having me live with the guilt of having bitten someone else is an even funnier joke?" I explain to him, and I can see his face turning red from anger.

"I would not do that to anyone else," Black spits out.

"Who is talking about you, Mr. Black?" I ask, before continuing, "But personally, I believe you would do that! It fits your character, or lack of such. After all, you did not even hold back on your supposed friend and burdened him with the knowledge of having bitten someone! What to say about someone like me whom you openly have antagonized for years," I say calmly, and I see Potter blanching and Sirius turning red, slowly reaching his boiling point at my argumentation.

[Part 05: Some fuckery will have consequences.]

"Mr. Snape, surely there's some way to change your mind," Dumbledore says after a moment.

"And what way would that be, Headmaster?" I ask him, looking at him pointedly.

"We can pay you some hush money and be done with this whole farce," Black throws in.

"Sure, how much do you think is the appropriate sum that I should ask for, Mr. Potter? An affliction that will haunt me for life and will make everyone in the magical world ostracize me? Even worse than my status as a half-blood?" I ask Potter, because unlike Black, he has a working head on his shoulders even though he is an asshole too.

"I don't know," Potter says meekly.

"You don't? Then maybe the Headmaster will know? Headmaster, the life expectancy of a wizard or witch is around 140 years, and I am currently 16. So, for the next 120 years of pain, ostracization, and isolation, what price do you think is appropriate, Headmaster?" I ask, slowly getting angry albeit staying calm.

The whole situation shows and proves what kind of jerks these guys are, and the old Goat fucker is to blame that they are the way they are.

"Mr. Snape, I know you are angry and agitated, but coming clean will ruin your future as well as Mr. Lupin's. This has been merely a prank that has gone a bit too far, and I think it is in your best interest to just let it go," Dumbledore says, trying to appease me and diffuse the situation.

"You know what, Headmaster? Now that I think about it, you are absolutely right. I will let this go. After all, what did you say? 'It was just a prank gone too far,' right?" I say with a happy smile and stand up to leave the room. Everyone looks at me with strange expressions, and I see Dumbledore's eyes twinkle.

'I will inflict this curse unto their children and watch them feel what I feel now,' I think to myself.

('Come on, Goatfucker, read my thought!' I think to myself.)

"Mr. Snape, we will need you to swear an Oath that this is over and done, and that you won't take any further actions before you may leave this room!" Dumbledore says immediately with steel in his voice.

I look at the three people sitting there. Black is once again back to smiling, Potter is looking at the floor as if there is an answer lying around, and the Old Goat Fucker is looking me straight in the eyes.

"No, Headmaster. I don't think I will do that. Unless I get an oath that I will be employed as a Hogwarts Professor with triple the highest paid wage at all times for life, after my apprenticeship. I want a guarantee that I cannot get fired, no matter how poorly I perform as a teacher. Additionally, I demand that each of these two individuals pay me 500 galleons per month until the day that all three of us die. Lastly, I require your mentorship without withholding anything from me. These are my demands," I state firmly. I can see Black getting angry as I lay out my terms.

"Are you fucking serious?" He shouts at me.

"No, I am Severus. You are Sirius," I reply with a deadpan expression.

"Mr. Snape, those are some hefty demands," Dumbledore tries bargaining.

"Headmaster, take it or leave it. I can also leave this room and follow my original plan. And I know what you are doing, Headmaster," I say with a half-smile on my face as I use Legilimency on him, and I see his face blanching for the first time since this whole shitshow started.

"How?" He asks me.

"Unlike most idiots in this school, I have not been wasting my time playing pranks," I say with a blank face, and I see Potter and Black looking at the Headmaster questioningly.


I hear the headmaster sighing and conceding defeat, or maybe not.

"Oh, and before someone in this room gets any stupid ideas about something underhanded, I have written a few letters about what has transpired and handed them out to people I trust," I say, and I see Dumbledore losing even more color.

('Fucking idiot! As if I will come in here unprepared! Just knowing that the strongest wizard alive is armed with the strongest wand in existence made me nearly shit my pants. No matter how great my Occlumency shields are against this combination, they might as well be a soap bubble,' I think.)


"Okay, I agree," Dumbledore says eventually.

"But Professor Dumbledore..." Black starts whining like the little bitch he is.

"Enough! I said we agree! Mr. Black, Mr. Snape's demands may be hefty, but they are appropriate considering what he has to live through because of your little prank for the rest of his life," Dumbledore says, quite angry. I assume he is more angry at being outplayed rather than at anything else.

Shortly after, Dumbledore and company start swearing Magical Oaths after a pretty lengthy procedure of setting up the appropriate papers. Dumbledore did not underestimate me anymore and tried his best to come up with an insane Oath, and I did the same. We double-checked everything.

"Oh, and one last thing! Fuck you, Old Man, and fuck you, Potter, and fuck you too, Black. Goodnight, gentlemen," I say as I close the door behind me.