38 Chapter 38: WHAT THE HELL?!
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He was interrupted as a mouth seemingly opened on the hat and spoke. "Why have you awakened me, Albus? Decided to finally allow me to retire, have you?"
"Unfortunately not. I need you to sort a student." Before the hat could complain, he added, "Only one though."
With a reluctant sigh, the hat allowed itself to be moved towards Harry who shoved it away. "What the hell is that?"
"The Sorting Hat, it sorts people into their houses." At Harry's sceptical look he continued, "Do not fear, it is enchanted against revealing anything it sees."
"If you say so," Harry muttered before taking the filthy thing, casting a cleaning charm on it, then putting it onto his head.
'Well, well, Mr Potter, how nice to – WHAT THE HELL?!'
Harry hadn't done anything, but he could feel Loki forcing his presence upon the hat. 'Listen here, hat,' the god hissed. 'What you are seeing now are some of the states my former enemies have been reduced to, and cloth happens to be suitably more flammable than flesh. If you disclose anything you see here, you shall feel the true wrath of a god. You may not be able to process pain, yet I will make you scream. You have no body, but your very soul will bleed. You cannot see, but I will show you things that can destroy the bravest of men. And by the time I am done with you, you shall beg for the torment of hell, and you will rue the day you ever chose to cross Loki.'
'O-okay then. I'll just get to sorting you then.'
'Gryffindor,' Harry suddenly said. 'I want to be in Gryffindor. It's what everyone expects of me so it will be far less suspicious than Slytherin.'
'Have you done anything brave?' the Sorting Hat asked. 'I'm enchanted to place a student in the house they should be in unless they persuade me.'
Harry racked his mind for any bravery. 'I saved a girl from kidnappers.'
'You were being paid.'
'Um...I dived out of a window in a cool way a few years ago.'
'I don't really think that counts.'
'Does it count as brave if I have enough courage to have Loki destroy you and then I piss on the remains?'
"GRYFFINDOR!"
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Harry sat at the table, glad of its near emptiness. The Gryffindors were apparently rather late risers, and he was one of the only ones there, the few others not daring to approach him. It meant that instead of participating in idle chatter, he could focus on the task currently at hand.
'Stop ogling the French girl.'
'I'm not ogling her,' Harry defended. 'I'm just, uh...scoping out my competition, and trying to identify any skills that she may have.'
Loki sighed. 'Have you found any?'
For a moment, Harry was silent, and then he finally said, 'She's really hot.'
'Supernaturally so. And also seventeen. Her being chosen as a champion indicates magical ability. Probably not the type to go for fourteen year-olds, no matter how pretty they are.'
'Did...did you just insult yourself?'
'No. I am far more attractive than you – even if we do look alike – and not fourteen.'
A snort escaped Harry. 'So what kind of creature do you think she is?' Harry wondered. 'She's blonde, so she can't be a vampire….'
'I really don't think that's how-'
'Not hairy enough to be a werewolf….' Harry interrupted, filling his tone with false stupidity.
'Stop trying to annoy me,, and the newspaper said she is a half-veela.'
A sigh of annoyance escaped Harry. 'So I'm guessing we can't use that to blackmail her – into losing the tournament, of course. I would never do anything more nefarious than that.'
Loki sneered. 'She is no threat anyway. We are far above the skill-level of all of the others. Winning will be no problem for us, whether we cheat or not.'
'Cheating?!' Harry gasped. 'How dare you accuse me of conspiring to commit such treachery?! I am quite frankly appalled!'
'I'm sure,' drawled Loki. 'You can detail your disgust to me later, but now there's an approaching girl you may want to talk to.'
Snapping back to reality, Harry glanced up. From the Ravenclaw table where the Beauxbatons students were sitting, Maria was walking over.
For a moment he contemplated walking away, but this conversation would have to occur at some time.
"Maria," he greeted, switching to Italian as she sat down opposite him, "my first fangirl to dare approach me. I would give you an autograph, but handing out signatures is pretty stupid, what with the amount of rituals they can be used in." Mock filled his tone as he winked at her.
She raised a single elegant eyebrow. "That isn't what I came to talk to you about." He motioned for her to continue. "I just wanted to officially extend my family's hand of friendship to you as Harry Potter."
"Really? That's all?"
"A lot of people are going to want to ally themselves with the Boy-Who-Lived, and that's not even taking the Potter's wealth and influence into account. I thought it wise to be the first, seeing as I already know you, and the most people from the other schools won't do it anyway as a result of the tournament." She paused. "It isn't exactly the smartest way to create international relations, now that I think about it."
He nodded, making a mental note to go to Gringotts at some point and check the status of the Potter accounts. "I assume that you haven't informed anyone of my identity?"
"No, but Marco has worried about you since you left Italy and stopped sending letters."
A twinge of guilt ran through Harry, but he ignored it. "Will he be visiting to watch the tournament?" Maria nodded. "Very well, I will tell him then." He paused for a moment.
"Oh, and I managed to get Dumbledore to give me my own room, so I haven't actually talked to any Hogwarts students yet. I don't really feel like talking to any of the other schools, so I don't suppose you can tell me when the First Task is?"
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