45 What Color Is Your Firebolt?

(Yup, early release for you gentlemen (and the two percents of ladies.) Chapter 46 is now available in the secret cheese society! )

"You're insane." Padma said, looking as if someone stole her soul. "You are completely insane."

Magnus shrugged, observing his chocolate parfait as if held the secret to the universe or Lockhart's naturally curly hair...same thing really.

"Sanity is overrated."

She huffed and puffed and struggled to find words, all of which was insanely entertaining for him. Finally, she ended up sighing and accepting the unfairness of this world.

The girl would need a lot of hot chocolate with marshmallows to get over this. Fortunately, they were in the kitchens so it could easily be arranged.

"Could you at least try and look more excited?" Padma asked him, giving his report paper back. "You passed your owls a full year ahead of time, it didn't happen since Albus Dumbledore!"

"I could, but it's not worth the effort." He blinked, there was no one here he had to charm or trick. "And plenty of people took their exams early in the last few years, most of them from our house."

He looked at her with his patented "I can't believe you'd do this" gaze, something he perfected through the years.

"Ughhs!" She grunted, by now immune to some of his tricks. "I didn't forget them, dummy. It's completely different."

"How so?"

"They had to take an international portkey and go to Canada or Australia to pass them, they have laxer rules but still allow smooth transfer to and from Hogwarts." She explained, a bit too satisfied that she knew something he didn't. "That's how normal people get around Britain's less reasonable laws."

"Normal is boring." He said.

Internally, he wrote that down. It was a mighty fine loophole he could use one day, and he absolutely loved loopholes.

As a matter of fact, he never promised anything without crossing his fingers, just for the principle of the matter.

"Are you talking about Hufflepuffs?" Luna said, settling down by his side with a plateful of warm cookies.

"No, just Magnus's latest disregard of common sense."

"Or maybe it's you who's too attached to preconceived and obviously outdated notions of what's acceptable or not." He eyed her like a wolf would to a lamb. "Have you ever stopped and wondered if maybe you were the problem, dear?"

"…"

"Just kidding." He waved his hand, snatching a warm cookie along the way. "Hershey's triple chocolates, my favorite."

They didn't point out that every single sort of cookie was his favorite, such was the power of Magnus' casual mindfuck… something very different from Dumbledore's type of mindfuck, less morally degrading too.

"I hate you."

"No, you don't." He had the guts to tut her.

"I am confused." Luna tilted her head, her spirit animal was probably a chipmunk...or an electric mouse, but that's a whole other verse.

"Magnus passed his owls as a fourth year, and no he didn't leave the country." Padma said drily, too exhausted to deal with their shit.

"Oh."

"Oh, indeed." She nodded.

"Come on, it's even official yet." He rolled his eyes. "The ministry must still approve of my case before I officially start my sixth year."

"Magnus, you are a Black." Padma looked at him. "Do you know what this means?"

"That I don't have a father?" He tilted his head.

"No..."

"That I'm likely to get shot?"

"Let me finish…"

"That I can wear a purple suit and look good?"

"Magnus!"

"Oh, Padma…" He looked at her with betrayal in his eyes "How dare you imply that I have an unhealthy love for fried chicken just because I'm Black! These are two completely unrelated facts."

"Merlin give me strength…"

Seeing that she was utterly defeated, he refrained from thanking her for saying he was well endowed.

He was sadistic, not Umbridge.

"It means you have the same privileges as all those pureblood ponces, no one in the ministry is crazy enough to deny your applications." She said monotonously, daring him to interrupt her. "The vetting process is just a formality, you are for all intents and purposes a sixth year student."

Oh.

"Sweet, it means I can skip lessons!"

The two girls looked at each others, not knowing whether they should laugh or cry at their exuberant friend. They decided to laugh, laugh and be happy they were on good terms with the catastrophic vortex of madness that was one Magnus Black.

"Still, I'd rather we kept this between us for the moment. I don't want to tell everyone just to disappoint them later on…"

They agreed, it was his story to tell after all. But he didn't miss the worried glance they shared when they thought he wasn't looking, those two were simply too kind for their own good.

"Waiting will also spare me the attention, the triwizard tournament should be enough to feed the vultures for some time."

"I can't wait for tomorrow." Padma said. "I read somewhere that the schools travel in the strangest ways, last time was a burrowed thunderbird for Beauxbatons and a carriage dragged by trolls for Durmstrang."

"Last time also had a one hundred percent death rate, wouldn't surprise me if they just Flooed here this time." Magnus told her not to get her hopes up.

He wanted her to enjoy their comings fully, and making assumptions wouldn't help her.

"Oh, I almost forgot that." she blushed.

"Everyone did." Luna nodded. "They think about the glory until they forget about the risks."

Luna's mother died in a high risk spell crafting incident, it didn't surprise him to see against foolhardy competitions.

"The prize money doesn't hurt either," He said. "Gold makes you blind."

"It's love, Magnus." the smaller girl chuckled fondly, "Love makes you blind."

Operation lift Luna's mood was a success.

"Why not both?" He asked with a smile. "I don't judge."

There were people marrying cars and walls in his past life, and he was pretty sure one girl in the school's choir was half banshee.

Being in love with money didn't seem to be such a big deal.

"Why, is there something you want to tell us, Magnus?" Padma snickered.

"Hell no." He laughed, "Money's nice and all, but I still prefer women."

"Dobby too, scary friend of the great Harry Potter!" The multicolored goofball appeared in an instant, hot chocolates in hand. "You should try wearing some better socks, it's great for peacocking."

"Excuse me, but what the fuck?"

"Peacocking scary friend of the great Harry Potter, wearing strange and flashy clothes to attract the ladies!" He educated him "The stranger, the better."

"If they think about you, then you'll be far better than most betas out there. In the end, you'll be getting a few dates through quantity alone!" The elf laughed loudly, until he was dragged away by a bunch of other elves.

"...Who the fuck gave Dobby a Pickup Artist's Bible?"

"Let me go you beta elves! What color is your firebolt?"

Magnus and his friends agreed not to talk about it ever again, much like the Brown Rabbit Incident. As far as they were concerned, they just suffered a random bout of mass hysteria...