Goodbyes

"... and Lady Brandon will remain with you." Stating his last condition, Nathaniel glanced at Lady Brandon to make sure the woman was okay with it. He got a nod in return, followed by an eye-roll. The latter of which was from his wife.

"It will be more complicated to free two than one. But fine. As long as you take good care of yourself, you hear me?", Katherine said with a stern gaze that softened when her husband brushed her cheek with a crooked finger.

"I promise."

They'd held a 'secret' meeting on how to proceed with the plan, one in which Lady Brandon also participated. After all, she was in this mess because of them. The Lady had questions and comments on a few points but was overall more of a passive viewer. Despite her presence, what was about to happen wasn't her fight.

When everything was discussed, she winked at Katherine. "Now I will stall the curious cats, so you can have some time to yourselves for your goodbyes. But don't take too long."

With the sound of the door closing, Katherine took a step toward her husband. "I'm sorry I didn't ask yet, I was too distracted by the children but... these nightmares you mentioned, what are they about?"

Following his habit for times he was alone with his wife, Nathaniel encased her in his arms, his forehead coming to rest on her shoulder. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the relaxing fragrance of roses. It evoked a drowsiness that made it hard to stay awake. Otherwise unmoving, he forced his eyes open again, even if all he could see were the side of Katherine's chest and her new skirt - courtesy to the commander, who wanted to win favor with Ethan through his cousin.

"If you really want to know... I always question myself if they are innocent. The people I killed. Maybe they are just at the wrong place at the wrong time... So many people..." In his sleep-drunken state Nathaniel finally told her about the ghosts of his past that kept him awake. "Who am I to decide about their life and death?"

Katherine gently stroked his white hair, then placed a kiss on the crown of his head, smiling sadly that Nathaniel didn't want to look her in the face right now. Did he really think she would hate him because of his decisions if he was blaming himself this much already? "I know you. I know that you would not kill for no reason. Are your nightmares not proof enough for that? Someone who kills mindlessly doesn't feel your guilt. In a way, it is a good thing that you feel it. However, you can't let yourself be crushed by it. Those people were your enemies, were they not? Would they hesitate to kill you the other way around?"

Under her hands, she felt the taller body stiffen. Then a whisper ran like a chill down her back: "Not everyone."

"What?"

"Not everyone was my enemy." Suddenly, he pulled away from her, not meeting her eyes. "Once upon a time, there was a woman. An innocent. Something dreadful happened to her but instead of saving her, I killed her. Just like that."

His voice was cold, but Katherine knew for a fact that this was a defensive mechanism. He must be hurting badly right now, yet he would not let her reach out and comfort him.

Her heart bled for him. She fisted her hands as if she could punch whatever was causing his pain. "I don't believe this was something so one-sided. Tell me everything! The Nathaniel I know wouldn't hurt an innocent 'just like that'."

"But I did." She saw his jaw clenching, then he looked her into the eyes, his red so fierce as if forcing her to believe. "I killed my aunt just like that. One touch and she was gone. If it is not killing an innocent, then what is?"

Katherine's eyes widened. "Your... aunt?"

She had seen him grieving in front of the grave, had heard his lament that her killer remained unpunished. How could this killer be him? How could a person with morals so deeply craved into his bones kill his own aunt? "Was it... an accident?"

The way he turned his head told her 'yes', even though his lips rejected it coldly. "What does it change if it was? She died in my arms. I am her murderer."

"You big dummy!" She caught his face between his hands and made him look at her. "Do you think your aunt would want your self-blame? If it was an accident, then you are not her killer! And didn't you say she died twenty-some years ago? You were at most five at the time! Nothing can convince me that you killed her willingly!"

When his brows remained locked in stubbornness, she bumped her forehead lightly against his. "Hard-headed fool. I bet it was your power, wasn't it? Did it slip your control again? You were only five years old and... wait, five years. Was it when... when your power first awoke...?"

With grim resolve, Nathaniel saw realization dawn in her eyes. Slowly, he nodded, but he did not want the absolution that he knew might follow. "You know that my power made a monster out of me. That is what I was told. But without me, there would not be such power, and she would still be alive."

"Then I would be the one suffering," Katherine added and pinched his cheeks. "Who would my cousin have sent me to if you didn't exist? I doubt it would be someone half as nice. Or he might really have tried marrying me..."

Seeing Nathaniel's incredulous gaze, Katherine shook off the horror of the last possibility with a chuckle. "You have never thought it through, have you? Well, I have. And I tell you there is no gain in regretting things of the past other than making it better next time. Since I believe you are already working on that, I have no worries. So, don't you dare mention the term 'monster' again, you hear me?"

She let go of his cheeks, leaving two red marks like a flush on his pale skin. They matched his eyes, making him look like a dazed and cute little bum that wondered why the relatives loved to pinch its cheeks. Katherine almost squealed at the unexpected sight. Only when his hand rubbed over the tortured flesh and the lips curled upwards did the devilish wit return into his eyes.

"Thank you for the lesson, though I think I can't accept everything yet." He tilted his head, then suddenly stretched out his hand to ruffle her hair.

"Hey, stop it!" Katherine backed away, first furious, then laughing. "That was uncalled for!"

"No, otherwise Lady Brandon might be disappointed. Now we both look like we were thoroughly passionate." Nathaniel smirked, satisfied with his work. "But after all this talk, can I still get a kiss?"

"Of course!" Generous as always, Katherine sprinkled kisses on his face until his teeth caught her straying lips. Then her mouth was explored with a slow passion that turned her heart into mush.

Parting, they looked into each other's eyes.

"Take good care of yourself and sleep more", Katherine emphasized.

"Hm-hm", Nathaniel hummed. "And you make sure you don't get caught by your cousin before I reach you, or I might just steal your revenge."

Eyes twinkling, she hit his shoulder. Then she turned serious again. "I told you where you can find them. Please take care of the children. And don't forget, they might riot if you leave even a single one behind. The number is eight, not one less."

"Understood." Softly, he kissed her nose again before turning to the door. "I will see you soon."