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How to love a sociopath

Love.... What is this emotion that you speak about... Does it even exist.... To me?.... I'd never forget the day she smiled at me after I asked her why she was the way she was, I remember her asking me if I could handle it, if I could handle her...I laughed and look away from her eyes in moments like this, her confidence overwhelms my heart, so I crumble and and look away before I collapse. "I'm a sociopath...." She whispers making my neck snap back to her searching for that joking smile or laugh but she just raise a brow and struggled to hold in a laugh. "Ha see I told you, you can't handle me Khalid, stop wasting your time not that I mind though" she mutters before looking back up at the sky and sliding her eyes close probably due to the beautiful wind that caresses our being. For some weird reason I was unable to say a word but instead I just stared as her face that was now exposed due to her laying down on her back, every time she says those words I'm speechless, and she feels the need to remind me every time about her diagnosis, even though I want to pretend that it does exist, I guess this is her own way of caring, telling me how dangerous she could be...I probably should listen but I can't- "I know what you are thinking right now....I would not waste my time trying to defend myself nor would I try to proof to you about how am a good human being and blah blah blah, this is just me, emotions don't exist to me but transactions of self gratification do...if you don't like me then I dare you to walk away" those were the words she said to me the first time she ever revealed her diagnosis to me while staring up at me with her beautiful gummy smile. as if what she had just said to me was nothing big, as if it wasn't something that could make a human run far far away from her being, as if it was not something that could make me neurotic, and I don't know if I'm just plain stupid or not right now, but my feet still refused to move no matter how heavy the word that escaped from her lips felt against my being, I didn't move.. not even an inch, as my brain yelled at me to leave, Run and to flee, because these are the very people my parents told me to stay away from when I was younger they gave the word danger the meaning it has today,for they were the complete nuisances and deviants to society, or at least that was what everyone said simply because there is still currently no cure to this type of wounded minds in which these specific section of people possess, so of course,it's better to stay away from them right?, right?. But maybe she herself knew that I couldn't do it, that I couldn't walk away from her while being entrapped in my emotions and being enchanted by her beauty. I've heard from people that love always tend to make one weak and indeed she already has me on my knees and she knows it and I guess that's the scary part of it, maybe that's why she dared me walk away, with her cold eyes captivating me in a trance along with her beautiful smile, perhaps I'm stupid...because this was a very clear red flag, but here I was ready to sign myself up for that. "Pleasure to meet you once again" was all I said in reply giving her a goofy smile making her raise a brow at me, with a thoughtful look on her face before she smirked and shook her head..I wonder what she was thinking about right now... probably about how stupid I am or even more..that's one thing I've always disliked about her..it's almost impossible to read her but she knows how to read everybody within 3-5 minutes max, she reads the room like it's the back of her hand in her calculated mind...and then she goes on further to block you out with her beautiful innocent yet cold big Brown eyes..with her calculated gaze which still surprisingly able to make you feel comforted, understood and safe. And What a big mistake it is to believe that she cares about you enough to keep you safe when to her the world and relationships are simply all about what she can gain.

Wanderers_Concept · Urban
Not enough ratings
11 Chs

Chapter 5: Don't be so dramatic Khalid

James POV

"They told me the world goes beyond these four walls but what if the world I know are these very four walls?"

The boys all piled themselves up and haphazardly marched outside the hostel, not in an organised form like military personnels of course, more like a bunch of chickens without their heads who are still yet searching for it, their heads.

Khalid watches as everyone was arguing about one or two things which he found quite hilarious yet not all because, can you believe this boys?, they just pulled him out of his comfort zone only to start arguing on where to go. Perhaps, he shouldn't have come along with them especially under this hot sun.

Khalid could feel his palms sweating due to it so he rubs his palms down on his sweatpants and lets out an exhausted sigh, note don't follow your friends just because they say they wan to hang out, they could be as clueless as yourself about where to they are taking you too.

While the likes of Pete and Frank were still going on with their argument about a very unrelated topic to their destination, the others just let them be. It wasn't long before James' eyes shined with what seemed like realisation as an idea popped into James' head, thank goodness Khalid thinks to himself, he is not sure he can handle hearing those two arguing all through their stay here, on the streets, it's one thing that they don't know where they are headed but it's another thing to hear Frank be way too practical and pessimistic about life and Pete be so defensive about how the world isn't so bad, perhaps both of them were right to some extent, James tried to intervene earlier on by telling them both that they were right, but apparently they got mad at him for not just saying one of them was right alone, so he just let them settle their own cold war.

"C'mon Guys, enough with the arguments, how about we go Hiking instead?, Most of the hang out spots are far away from here and would definitely be full since its a week day.  Since the sun is already setting, the breeze is gentle, it'll be the best time to hike plus we would even burn off our exhaustion" James states making the others let out sounds in agreement but however this time it was Khalid who protested.

"Ah no man, I'm wearing slippers  today, I can't hike with these plus you say burn out our exhaustion I feel like it will multiply it, I don't want to die today" Khalid states with a straight face making everyone burst into laughter, at the misery of the youngest of the pair but he just rolled his eyes in reply, he is actually serious though, "I'll stay in the hostel" they said, "no,  it will be fun being with the boys" but look at this crackheads always pulling stupid pranks on him.

Frank was the one who had the most annoying laugh out of the group, Khalid felt like throwing a punch honestly, for once in his life he understands why Pete is always so infuriated with the guy even though they're actually best buddies.

"I hate to be the one to say this but I told you that wearing those was a wrong choice" Frank states with fake sympathy making Khalid roll his eyes, "save that fake sympathy for yourself" Khalid thinks to himself.

"Ah, Frank, stop messing with him, don't worry Khalid, I know a spot that's not too steepy and high, you are safe I think or you can just simply take them off along the way, you'll be fine" James said.

"You think, just tell me to just go wear some proper shoes if I need to" Khalid states but James just gives him a comforting pat on the back without reply, was it to scare him more or provide him with the feeling of reassurance?,  Khalid doesn't honestly know and that scared him more.

"Would you need anything before we get up there?, It won't be easy to run back down to get anything" James asks the boy who furrows his brows at this announcement, "is he about to climb to the gates of hell? should he be scared?" He thought as he had never actually climbed a rock or mountain before.

Upon getting there, Khalid turns to look with fright in his eyes as they stared up at the said mountain while James who gives a grin in reply

"you see, it's not even that high" James states confidently while Khalid gasps at the boy's obvious lie.

"And You call this not high???" Khalid shouted losing his cool for a second.

"Oh come on man, it isn't compared to the other hiking scenes in this city, this is the lowest, look around you" James said defensively, Khalid had multiple arguments to bring to the table like how his mother still loves him and all about how he is still too young to die on his first day of actually having lectures at the university but he didn't want the rest of the guys to make fun of him any further or call him a chicken so he lets out a deep breath, and agreed to go on, so they started climbing up.

As much as Khalid doesn't want to say this Frank was actually right, wearing those slippers has to be the worst decision he has made ever since he arrived at this city, one got cut along the way so Khalid decided to take it off without a word of protest being without shoes is actually not that bad, it feels more like freedom honestly.

James led the gang up the hill while Pete was the last on the line as he was the one carrying all of the supplies in which they bought for their little adventure.

Pete cursed at them inside his head as he felt the weight of it all, he also cursed Frank for refusing to help him with the bags, James reached out and helped him instead and for that Pete was grateful.

And Shall we mention the fact that Khalid almost fell from the mountain more than twice due to his clumsy feet, but thanks to the boys that kept an eye on him, he survived each attempt perhaps, by now everyone would have been hearing of his injuries or his death, or perhaps he would have been on the news by now, with his grave headstone reading "here lies the fool who went hiking with slippers, he is sure frank would love to give a testimony about how he had warned him earlier on to not wear those god awful slippers, Khalid let's out a sigh at the imagery of that actually happening making the other boys to turn to look at him almost expectedly,

" What's so funny?" A voice questions shaking khalif out of his train of thoughts making him to let out another burst of chuckle, that imagination was way to hilarious even for him.

"oh Nothing, I just imagined myself falling to my death that's all" he said and let out another chuckle making the other boys to send him a strange look as if he had lost his mind and maybe he has, he ignores it and attempts to climb higher up bare feet like a wild being.

"James, should we be worried?" One of the boys whispers sarcastically, making James let out a chuckle.

"Well, I've always known there was something strange about the kid. I mean just look at him" Frank states jokingly making Khalid send him the middle finger which he dramatically gasped at before the whole crew bursted out laughing.

" Oh stop it guys, let the kid be '' James says with an amused laugh while Khalid huffs at the sound of the word "kid", he is nineteen for heaven's sake, it's not his fault that he has a baby face.

Still on their way up, the group of guys joked about giving Khalid a piggyback ride which he refused too without even giving it a thought. He hates it whenever they baby him, they act like he is two years old. He is a full blown adult, hell Frank is just a few months older than him so why isn't he getting teased too?.

Eventually after all of the blistering feet, sweating,  and slipping, they finally made it to the top of the mountain. They were all panting due to being out of breathe, but specifically Khalid's breathing was different, he sounds like someone who was close to death due to the fact that he felt like his heart was going to jump out of His chest.

Khalid collapsed onto the floor in order to calm his racing heart while thinking to humself "why the hell did he agree to do this after coming back from that exhausting class?, not to mention it's already getting late, what if a snake suddenly appears and bites one of them? Or his freaking naked feet?, how fast would they be able to get help from on top of this hell?" Khalid had all these thoughts but his number one priority was to get water or else death seemed to be near or at least that was what he believed.

They individually gestured to Pete for water like zombies going for brains while Pete ignored them all and drank his own bottle to his satisfaction first, ignoring as they threw curses at them  before calmly handing each of them a bottle after a lot of plea's and curses were rained on him, which fed his satisfaction due to their suffering.

It turns out that going to that corner store before coming to this hiking spot was a good choice because without water what would they have done? run back down from this high mountain to get it?, that's too stupid to think of even for Khalid, so for that he is grateful for James thoughtfulness.

"Aha Khalid, what do you think?" one of the guys decided to ask the male who was dramatically sprawled out on the ground as if it was the only string left to his sanity.

"Seriously guys, when you said we were going to hang out and relax I didn't know you guys wanted me to fall to my death instead" Khalid shouted making the guys erupt into a fresh flow of laughter while James tried to hold back his, but the hysterical look in Khalid eyes was just too funny for him to be able to do so.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic Khalid, it's just us climbing to the top of a mountain, nothing to be anxious about" one of their roommates mutters dismissively making Khalid take a deep breath trying not to explode due to the fear and anger he was harbouring inside.

" but on the bright side, this is such a beautiful site for your photography thingy" James says trying to lighten up the mood making Khalid look around and indeed it was; the sun was just setting and the sky had a nice colour, the city looked beautiful too along with the tall buildings, the grasses and flowers on top of the mountain looked beautiful and green too.

Khalid was reluctant to put his camera away even when some of the boys insisted they start heading back because it was getting dark and late. I know right?, he was complaining earlier on but now he wouldn't move an inch. Oh But don't blame him, he couldn't get enough of his newly found Love. He was clicking away and even taking different postures and positions which he got made fun of for doing but he cared less, he just wanted to get certain angles of the flower, sun and everything else.

But his attention was cut off when James screamed  out a reminder that they had mistakenly taken to the wrong route up the mountain due to them avoiding the steppy and sharp edges, due to them not wanting Khalid to fall off due to him not wearing proper shoes, so too cut it short, the place in which they were, has snakes on this part of the mountain who mostly at night came out to play, it has bitten a few people so usually people avoid this side of the mountain.

"And you tell me this now?" Khalid exclaims eyes wide filled with fright

"Well, you looked so happy, I didn't want to ruin your happiness for you" James states apologetically and  Khalid stood up almost immediately hurriedly packed up his camera and his things into his backpack, helping Pete with somethings that were heavy to make their journey down the mountain even more easier.

After that, they began descending from the mountain ever so slowly but unfortunately the force was making them literally run down due to how steepy the mountain floor actually was, well so much for enjoying the view, it ended too soon, Khalid thinks to himself with a sigh.

And this time while descending, he held his slippers tight in his hands and moved carefully as he didn't want to slip again.

Though he would never admit it to the boys, that this trip was actually so much fun regardless of how short it actually was, what a memorable first day this is, one where he had his first lecture, went hiking with his roommates, he almost slipped to his death multiple times but somehow he still managed to survive through it all somehow, and escape a very likely snake bite or even multiple snake bites, and who knew that danger could be so satisfying?, Khalid finds himself falling in love with the feeling at first hike.