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How to love a sociopath

Love.... What is this emotion that you speak about... Does it even exist.... To me?.... I'd never forget the day she smiled at me after I asked her why she was the way she was, I remember her asking me if I could handle it, if I could handle her...I laughed and look away from her eyes in moments like this, her confidence overwhelms my heart, so I crumble and and look away before I collapse. "I'm a sociopath...." She whispers making my neck snap back to her searching for that joking smile or laugh but she just raise a brow and struggled to hold in a laugh. "Ha see I told you, you can't handle me Khalid, stop wasting your time not that I mind though" she mutters before looking back up at the sky and sliding her eyes close probably due to the beautiful wind that caresses our being. For some weird reason I was unable to say a word but instead I just stared as her face that was now exposed due to her laying down on her back, every time she says those words I'm speechless, and she feels the need to remind me every time about her diagnosis, even though I want to pretend that it does exist, I guess this is her own way of caring, telling me how dangerous she could be...I probably should listen but I can't- "I know what you are thinking right now....I would not waste my time trying to defend myself nor would I try to proof to you about how am a good human being and blah blah blah, this is just me, emotions don't exist to me but transactions of self gratification do...if you don't like me then I dare you to walk away" those were the words she said to me the first time she ever revealed her diagnosis to me while staring up at me with her beautiful gummy smile. as if what she had just said to me was nothing big, as if it wasn't something that could make a human run far far away from her being, as if it was not something that could make me neurotic, and I don't know if I'm just plain stupid or not right now, but my feet still refused to move no matter how heavy the word that escaped from her lips felt against my being, I didn't move.. not even an inch, as my brain yelled at me to leave, Run and to flee, because these are the very people my parents told me to stay away from when I was younger they gave the word danger the meaning it has today,for they were the complete nuisances and deviants to society, or at least that was what everyone said simply because there is still currently no cure to this type of wounded minds in which these specific section of people possess, so of course,it's better to stay away from them right?, right?. But maybe she herself knew that I couldn't do it, that I couldn't walk away from her while being entrapped in my emotions and being enchanted by her beauty. I've heard from people that love always tend to make one weak and indeed she already has me on my knees and she knows it and I guess that's the scary part of it, maybe that's why she dared me walk away, with her cold eyes captivating me in a trance along with her beautiful smile, perhaps I'm stupid...because this was a very clear red flag, but here I was ready to sign myself up for that. "Pleasure to meet you once again" was all I said in reply giving her a goofy smile making her raise a brow at me, with a thoughtful look on her face before she smirked and shook her head..I wonder what she was thinking about right now... probably about how stupid I am or even more..that's one thing I've always disliked about her..it's almost impossible to read her but she knows how to read everybody within 3-5 minutes max, she reads the room like it's the back of her hand in her calculated mind...and then she goes on further to block you out with her beautiful innocent yet cold big Brown eyes..with her calculated gaze which still surprisingly able to make you feel comforted, understood and safe. And What a big mistake it is to believe that she cares about you enough to keep you safe when to her the world and relationships are simply all about what she can gain.

Wanderers_Concept · Urban
Not enough ratings
11 Chs

Chapter 3 : Little Miss

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James POV

"The one whom embraces the world shall also have to pass through the storm such are the ways of the world"

James rushes out of the dormitory and zooms off down the hallways in hopes of not being late to class this time, while trying not to trip on his own feet or maybe perhaps on strangely slippery floors at such an odd hour. He wonders to himself what the hell that slippery liquid that laid shamelessly on the floor was and why whoever it was that whoever spilled it on the floor couldn't take little time to have the decency to clean it up, he lets out a sigh while shaking his head at this scene, this is what you see while you live in a dorm so many irritating instances but James doesn't have time for this today, he is ultimately late to this class, he just hopes that this time luck is on his side and for some strange reason the lecturer would be late too, so he won't get called out or sanctioned or maybe perhaps both, he is sure his dad would love to use him as an example about how a college student can't be so irresponsible.

But however, it almost seemed like faith was not on his side at all on this day because when he arrived at the door, he could hear the lecturer's voice echoing through the class loud and clear...he lets out a sigh in defeat, oh well let's just hope that the lecturer has not closed up the doors this time. It's better to get yelled at, than to miss this class due to the fact that his father is still keeping track of all his classes after the last stunts that he had pulled the year before, sometimes he wishes that his dad would ease up on the whole keeping an eye out on him, he is 20 for heaven's sake, an adult isn't he?, or maybe he should have gone to another uni instead..oh right his dad wouldn't have let him, James lets out a sigh before pushing the back door open, preparing and accepting his absolute defeat.

He sneaks into the class from the back door in hopes of not being seen, but the door totally blew his cover by making a loud annoying creak that had the whole class turning back to stare at him out of curiosity, including the professor himself who shakes his head at James in obvious disappointment and lack of amusement while James sends a guilty grin to the lecturer who rolls his eyes at him, and at the drop of a hat  members of the class all bursted  into laughter as if this was the most entertaining thing that had occurred in their day, and who knows, for some maybe it actually is, but still....

"isn't it nice for you to join us at this late hour now, Mr Kenji" the teacher says with sarcasm dripping from each syllable that left his lips making James sends him a strained smile, while trying to cringe at the obvious distaste that was behind the man saying his name out loud, ''oh how nice of you James you have managed to anger the professor who is always in a good mood, who is impossible to make upset'' James scolds himself mentally and without saying anything in reply to the professor in other to avoid further embarrassment for himself, he rushed towards the only empty seat in the back of class, he didn't want this professor to unleash his anger on him. As it is, he is already barely holding on in this class in terms of grades, so annoying the professor would be a big L on his side…

Goodness, he must be really late today and all he did was rest a bit while waiting for the return of his new roommate who forgot to take the room key with him before he headed out to only God knows where earlier on.

As much as James liked the kid, he could be so forgetful of basic things sometimes, like keys for example, he always forgets to take them out and if its not his keys, its his shoes or bag or even his camera sometimes, Khalid is such a clumsy yet curious soul, the boy has made sure to embark on random explorations around town he never for once have forgotten about those exploratory journeys, sometimes James joins him on his little journey, it's a nice feeling to see the boy acting like he had his life all figured out and knows what to expect at the end of each visit only to see something totally different and be invested in it, while other times, Khalid went off on his own along with his best friend, and no before you say anything I know what you are thinking... But no...I mean Yes Khalid is still yet to have an actual friend from his class for some reason best known to him, so the best friend that i'm actually talking about  right now is his camera, you know the one he carries along with him to every hook and nook, even if it's to the depths of hell simply because he had the curiosity of a child whom had been hidden away in a tower, away from the rest of the world all his life, so everything amused and amazed him about life and yet among the both of the boys Khalid is the one from a big city, which is quite surprising how naive the boy actually was to appreciate the small town of Carmel city, that's full of little to mystery or at least that how it feels like to James, he is honestly sick and tired of this tiny city, where he has been forced to live all his life, he can't wait till he can get out after graduating in a few years.

And if James is being honest, he finds it kind of interesting to see a 19 year old being as curious as Khalid actually is, I mean, come on, in the 21st century.. isn't it "the kids who are out breaking rules who know way too much that it eventually bites them?", but Khalid's seems to be way different. He is so painfully naive of the outside world yet so intellectually bright he also seems to know about everything else, isn't that strangely interesting?.

I know you are probably wondering about how they even met up in the first place if they live on almost different sides of the world, well they met originally on Instagram...surprising right?, well you haven't heard the half of it yet!

James was just going through his DM's on that fateful day when he suddenly saw a message from...a guy...he raised a brow at that, it turned out it was Khalid who had clicked on his username from the schools page where James was tagged and awarded as the best math student, not to brag but he was good at maths.. But that was pretty much it!.

Khalid had so many questions to ask about the university and the city, and James gave him all the answers he possibly could, it wasn't long before Khalid returned to his DM and told him the good news about he had gotten admission into their school, he sounded so happy that James couldn't break it to him about how suffocating carmel city actually is and now Bam! look at where they are right now!, temporary roommates it seems.

James has chosen to be his guide for now until Khalid can stand on his feet in this school, for he is only a kid or at least that's what James believes, he thinks of him and cares for him as if he was his little brother...not that he will ever say this to the boy's ears, he might find that description quite insulting, the boy likes to be viewed as a mature adult, which he is by at the same time...he is absolutely not cut out for it yet, it seems.

After finally taking a seat, James quietly brings out the textbook for the class before turning towards his side curiously only for his eyes to meet a curious gaze of a course mate, her blazing gaze held his until he decided to use it to his advantage.

"Sorry, what page is he on now?" James questions sheepishly,  he felt uncomfortably shy to ask yet he had no choice...it was either that or ask another course mate who would either speak too loudly or laugh at him, thus calling attention back to him once again as much as he finds himself in situations of being the center of attention, he really is not a fan of it.

"34...I believe" she whispers back to him, making him nod in understanding.

"oh okay thanks" He says, obviously very thankful for her guidance… He opens up to that page and pays complete attention to the lecture while taking little notes in his jotter from time to time.

After what felt like several hours the electric school bell went off signaling that the lecturing hour was over, making him let out a sigh, he closed and carefully piled up the books that laid on his table and starting  to put them into his backpack.

While his course mates were hurriedly rushing out of the class while throwing greetings his way which he gingerly replied too.

"Yo man James, are you coming to the common room to watch the football match, later on?" a voice called making him raise his head and nod at his friend in reply

"Oh Yeah for sure, what teams are playing today?" He asked curiously

"Oh you know!, it's Manchester utd and Barcelona @7pm" the other male replied, making James smile and nod his head in acceptance.

"Oh niceeee, I'll see you there for sure then" James states with a smile.

"Alright then, See you man" , chatting with friends among others, he swings his backpack and starts to make his way towards the door before he is interrupted by the voice of his lecturer making him to halt his movement's.

"Uh Mr Kenji, can you please stay back for a little while, I need to talk to you..." The lecturer says with an apologetic look on his face making James raise a brow in confusion but he walked towards the lecturer, while his other class mates stared at the both of them curiously before they continued on their merry way, probably wondering to themselves what James had done again this time...it's always about what James has done again in this school, sometimes James just want to yell at his dad to stop using him as an example of a disciplined student, he is rarely ever one even if all his life he tries to be that perfect child and when he isn't one, His father would make sure to publicize that he would deal with his son, like that one time where James almost got withdrawn from the university due to a small form of misconduct he had exhibited, he never fails to stand up to his father when he feels like he is going wrong with his policies towards students and his father had enough of it, of his son leading a protest that was against the school policy that he had created so no one else suffered the backlash but James...but that's a story for another day of course.

"Professor Drake, is there a problem?, I'm sorry I came in late I had to settle something please don't tell my fa-

"No, that's not it James, even though you have been coming to my class late ever since this semester began…" the lecturer states making James let out a sigh of relief but oh was it too soon?, was that the sound of a silent threat? Or is he deaf?.

"Oh?" James questions now obviously confused about why he was asked to stay back if it wasn't for a punishment of some sort, then what is it?.

"I just wanted to ask you for a quick favor…" the lecturer started to say making James raise a brow...a favor?...well this isn't the first time but if it's a favor from his dad there's no assurance that he would be successful but does anyone in the school understand that fact about him...NO!…

" oh...I hope it's something I can achieve.." James started to say before trailing for the lecturer to go on.

"It's just that I want you to please show Miss bloom around, She transfer around here's a new student…that is if you don't have anything to do, It's fine if you can't though, I'll understand. It's just that she came up to me herself to help her find her someone to show her around and you are obviously the best choic-" the lecturer starts to rant making James to shake his head to stop the lecturers ramblings…

"It's no big deal and besides my lectures are already over for today" he thinks to himself as anything is better than them reporting his behavior to his dad once again...he is already on his second strike as of right now.

"No no, it's totally fine sir, I can most definitely show her around, I know the school like the back of my hands" he states almost too enthusiastically making professor Drake to let out a smile in appreciation. He puts a hand on his shoulder to show his appreciation before James nods, and  spins on the balls of his feet, walking towards the door, but then upon hearing footsteps behind him, he knew that it was  the new student that was trailing behind him.

Okay, let's get this over with so that I can finally get some sleep, he thinks to himself with a grin, he might hate a whole lot of things but one thing that he didn't was helping people out, he always feels like it is his duty to do so, maybe that's just him or simply the way he was raised at home.

"Thank you for agreeing to show me around" a voice says softly, making him to glance behind to catch the owner of the voice's gaze...only for him to realize that this was the girl who told him the page number in class, about 20 minutes ago if he is not totally mistaking.

Aha So she's a new student, he honestly had no idea, not like he knows everyone in the school, even if almost everyone knows him…"thank you dad" he thinks to himself before letting out an eye roll at the realization about why everyone knew him in this college and only for the wrong reasons, of course.

Anyways back to reality, as his gaze met hers, she lets out a small yet confident captivating smile, and then he actually looked at her, like actually staring at the girl, not in the way he barely paid a glance at her earlier on when he was asking for the page number from her, the new girl was brown skinned, with big fierce brown eyes that was filled with innocence yet curiosity as she glanced around, her gaze jumping from one location to another as if she was ready to figure things out...right now, her big curly hair that was all over her face, giving her a little umbrella of mysteriousness but other than that, she looked normal also a little bit shy as she refused to meet his gaze for a second , making him let out a small smile.., she doesn't look like she would be causing anyone too much trouble here, thank goodness,we really do need less overgrown babies in here james thinks to himself.

"Ah, no need to thank me, I love showing people around this hell hole sometimes" James states in an enthusiastic tone which he normally does whenever he wants someone to feel comfortable around himself and it seems like . His enthusiasm successfully made her let out a genuine smile as she suddenly turned and held his gaze. He probably shouldn't say this but wow...she has a really pretty smile.

"Now little miss, Shall we explore this wretched universe for the time being before we can finally graduate and officially leave?" He asked while jokingly pointing towards the art room, she smiled showcasing the deep dimples that played on her cheeks, pulling him deeper like a magnet to metal.

"Hmm Indeed, we shall little Mr" she says playing along to this game of his making the both of them burst out laughing while making their way further into the empty art room, exchanging more than smiles bearing their hearts to the development of a new friendship perhaps.