the one who really suffers

The shot was almost canceled by the soundproof walls, but due to the silence in the building I heard it perfectly.

At that moment, I could only clench my fists and teeth in anger and helplessness.

'I can't help, I can't do anything' I thought as I blamed myself.

I'm not good at cheering people up, I'm not a psychologist, and I don't have great charisma either.

I had no way of helping, I know, but I still feel guilty.

This is not something I can fix with science and calculations, I'm not even sure if there was any way to help him.

But I still feel guilty.

Kyle was on the edge of his sanity, the last thing holding him was that brat.

Not out of love, but because of the false feeling of accomplishment and support that having her as his girlfriend gave him.

The last thing that kept him away from this fate was a false feeling.

I got up and walked slowly towards the shooting room.

My stomach and shoulder still hurt, but at this point I completely ignored it.

Upon entering I could see that Kyle had shot himself in the left side of his head, I could also see tears in his eyes.

He was sitting on the ground and his blood stained the wall behind him.

Seeing him in this way I could only feel one thing, anger.

"Why did you have to do this?" I muttered under my breath.

"Why damn it?!" I said as I approached him.

Being close I crouched in front of him I grabbed him by the shoulders and yelled with all my might.

"Why did you have to keep everything as strong? You're not strong, none of us are!!" I screamed in anger and helplessness.

"We are human beings, even if it bothers me to admit it even I have feelings, you can't keep it all to yourself, no one is strong enough to ignore what feels forever!!" I said while shaking him erratically.

"Why did you have to contain it all? Why don't you just let it go? Why damn it?!!" I said looking for an answer that would never be answered.

It may be fear of showing what they feel to others, fear of being rejected or judged, but who cares what others think?

Why not seek happiness in themselves and have to depend on others?

I don't understand it, I just don't understand it.

And I will probably never understand it.

But if there is one thing I know, it is that the one who really wants to die only does it.

No posts about his sadness, no hint of being sad.

Nothing.

The next thing you know, they are already preparing the funeral.

They fools everyone and even themselves, until it is too late.

I only knew what he was going to do because I had seen this before.

After releasing Kyle I left the building without a single feeling.

I am not a hypocrite, the end he had is sad but I barely knew him, so the only thing I can do is show my respect for his decision.

I express my feelings in the moment that I have to and in the way in which they appear.

That does not mean that this is the appropriate way to deal with a situation like this, it is just the way I feel.

I couldn't help him, I'm not his family, not even an important part of his life.

From what it seems to me, I do not deserve the right to mourn his death, I can only wish him well wherever he is.

As I left I realized that it is already nighttime it must be 7:30 PM.

I saw two people die in less than 2 hours, it seems like a bad joke.

The fact that I don't feel sad about their deaths makes me wonder.

I'm a bad person?.

What would a good person do? Cry for them for days? Remember them every day and be eternally sad?

What would a normal person do?

If I knew how normal people think maybe I would have more friends, maybe I wouldn't be alone.

I guess this is not the time to think about that, what I should do is go to a safe place and see how the girl is.

I walked slowly to the car, then got in, started the car, and went to the other firing range.

I drove slowly and with the lights off so as not to attract the attention of any zombie.

After a few minutes I reached my destination, I got out of the car after turning it off, walked slowly supporting myself with the bat and knocked on the door of the building.

"Password" demanded a lovely little voice.

"I don't remember any password" I said with a small smile.

"Ohhh, that's right, well don't tell anyone, but the password is little owl" Halley whispered softly.

"Ok, I won't tell anyone" I said entertained.

"Password" Halley said in a serious tone.

"Little owl" I said with a smile.

"You can come in Mr. Ken" Halley said happily as she opened the door.

As I entered, I walked slowly and sat in an armchair in the waiting room.

Having someone waiting for you at home is a very warm feeling.

I like it.