1 Chapter 1 - Kate

How long is forever?

It is a question I wonder myself so many times during my life and today I have found the answer. Forever doesn't last at all. It just disappears on the very moment we spell it. Perhaps this is why we keep saying it. Wishing that one day it will last a tiny more than a breath. It's natural thinking about it now, at grandma's funeral, seeing Robert, his wife and their ten-year-old girl Sadie sitting in the first row with me. Sadie's holding my hand with her little slippery fingers while swinging her short legs and twisting a tress around her finger. She never met grandma before because I was the one spending a week, every summer, in London. She would have liked her, even when she used to swear like a Polish truck driver and smocking like a Turkish. I barely listen to the commemorative speeches grandma's friends are saying with their weeping eyes. She wouldn't like crying so, me at least, I won't. The acrid smell of moved soil sticks into my nose, during all the time the coffin is buried, one dig after the other, endorsing the moment. Death is a journey, no other destinations available, her ticket has expired. I stand up first, I kneel in front of Sadie and caress her blonde head.«Sadie, can you stay with mum and dad?», I whisper to her.«Where are you going?», she asks with her tiny voice looking at me with her big blue eyes.«I need to do something, but I'll be back to say goodnight. Better, you can sleep in my bed tonight, is that right?», I smile at her.«Really?», she lights up so I nod to her. I kiss her on the forehead and run away ignoring Robert's voice, constantly annoyed by my behaviour.

* * *

The Chane is crowded, the "open microphone" night calls always more than the usual people, even on a Tuesday evening. Everybody likes live music, even when chords and intonation aren't perfectly harmonised. Well, they call it rock music anyway!

«So Kitkat, what you're doing today, stepping in?» asks Rufus, the "four seasons" shoulder bartender with his bald tribals tattooed head and his piercings encrusted ears.

I nod and order a beer.

«On the house. I heard about your grandma, I'm sorry».

Rufus is a softie, even with his dog-like name, but after all, he kinda reminds me of a  perpetually angry Mastiff. He's the pub's owner and the one who offered me a job when I arrived, 7 years ago, in this town where everybody knows everything about everyone and happily minds your own business. I, Katherine – Kate – Mars, 16 years old, angry with the whole world and all the gods for forgetting about me.

I started cleaning, then when I turned 18 he placed me behind the counter and taught me how to make cocktails. Sometimes I step on the stage performing with my guitar Margarite —it belonged to granny who named it — and I'm pretty good on quelling a fight before it's unleashed.

«Cheers», I grab my beer, I sip it and turn back to listen to the new rookie on the stage. Is a tall girl, long, dark blonde dreadlocks and a jumble of layered clothes on.

Jude, habitué of every day of the week, sitting in the table on my left, whistles, immediately mocked by his court of jesters. Their shouts resound for the room just like the burps that stink like malt.

«Calm down guys! I can't listen!» I rebuke them without even looking at them.

«What's the matter Kat?» asks the head of the pack, clearly already drunk.

When he isn't? I say in my mind.

He knows what's the price of calling me that way, and how much I hate it. It's a privilege only Rufus can afford.

«I said: I want to listen!», this time I look at him until he's the one that looks down.

In the meantime, Rufus gives me another beer and blinks at me.

The notes of her acoustic guitar, slightly scratched, sore in the air like noisy fat butterflies, but overall there's something distinctive in her playing.

Suddenly I can hear the waves crashing on the shore, and my mother's laugh when together we used to collect seashells on Hastings beach. Then her voice, a bit hoarse, sings the words of a song that I've never heard before. It hypnotises me, stops memories and holds them just a little longer before they vanish.

«Somewhere there's a sea that has no other side, somewhere there's an aeroplane lost behind the sky. So fly us up, above the clouds. Live your life, that you are now».

«Who's she?», I ask Rufus.

«Her name is Rain, or at least, it's the way she likes to be called. She started to come two weeks ago» says him.

I never met her before. It's been a month since granny's health worsened so I stopped working at the pub in order to spend as much time as I could with her. Doctors gave up on her, but she was happy to tell them to "get lost" for over a year. Before Christmas, they used to say she couldn't last till New Years, but again, she endured till January just to spite them. As always.

«In the darkness around the sun, there's light behind your eyes. When you've got the will to run, you can feel it start to shine. When the rain falls down too hard and you don't know where to start... drowning in the sun...».

When she stops singing it's more boos than cheers, but she doesn't mind either of them. After putting the guitar back inside the colourful case, she steps off the stage toward the exit, but not before stealing the new beer Rufus has left on the counter for me.

«Ehi!», I complain but she goes straight. Without hesitation, I follow her outside, and even if it sounds stupid to complain about a beer, I call her name.

«What?», she turns toward me with an irritated look. My beer hanging from her left hand while the other hand holds the strap of the case.

«I loved your song. Who wrote it?», I step forward feeling like a teenager before her first crash.

«Me», she replays with a dry tone and resumes her wobbly walk.

«You mean is your song?».

Why am I holding onto her like a beggar?

«Do you have mental problems?», she tilts her head.

«Can we be friends?», my voice cracks.

You're really a smart cookie Kate!

A public relations' genie!

Your little sister can definitely exhibit more demeanour than you.

Shame on you!

«Are you lesbian?».

«What?».

«Do you like girls?».

«No», I shake my head.

«Sure...», she raises an eyebrow in defiance.

«At least... last time I checked», I joke. «But I like you», I add.

«You're a weirdo», she clarifies.

«Kate for my friends», I extend the hand of friendship with a smile. She smiles back.

«I'll buy you a drink», she barely touches my hand then she steps right past me to get back inside. I follow her bouncing as I've never done before. Shouldn't I be sad? I'm coming from granny's funeral!

Have fun girl, life's short! Or before you realise you'll find yourself like me: alone and senile!

Nan Esther was a smart one!

Sitting at the counter, I sip my beer while Rain swallows vodka like fresh spring water. She actually asked Rufus to leave the bottle and it seems to me like she has all the intention to finish it. Noticing my confusion she smiles.

«I'm Russian, we drink it with milk», she teases me. She hands me the drink but I refuse then she gulps it in one shot.

«I play the guitar too. It was my nan's. She died this week», I inform her entirely off-topic.

«Sooner or later we all die. Death shouldn't be a surprise rather a natural process. It's up to you to do it naturally or after a drug cocktail», she ponders. «I think the best it would be to die order to be remembered», she nods, but I'm not sure if it is for her own statement or the music.

«It wasn't a surprise, we knew she was meant to die», I sip my beer and stare at the drops dripping from the bottle.

«You're a downer», she grins.

«She was my best friend», I replay bitter.

«You're more desperate than I thought if you need to chatting up a complete stranger in order to talk about your dead grandmother», she gulps another shot. «You know what?», she gets up of her stool and looks around. «You need to went!», she punches Jude, that that moment leaning on the counter waiting for his order. She then glances at me smiling and adds: «Stress relieving».

Jude gets up, tries to catch her but she moves to the side causing him to collapse on his friend's table.

«Hey, no messing in here!», says Rufus with his thunderous voice.

«How boring!», replays Rain heading to the exit. «You're not coming lambkin?», she asks me. I finish my beer and follow her, but one of Jude's friends prevents me to step further. He's the redhead with pervs eyes. I keep forgetting his name.

«Why follow the hybrid if you can have fun with me?», he leans his hand against the wall blocking my way. He just came out from the toilet and I doubt he washed his hands.

«Now, are you blocking me?», I ask in amazement. I shot him a grim look but he's too drunk to realise is time to stop.

«I'm courting you», he spits with arrogance.

«Thank you, I'm not interested», I cut short trying to escape.

«It was a compliment!», he burps on my face. He steps forward forcing me to step back.

«Look, what's-your-name, let me go now that I'm telling you nicely», I shut my eyes, upset.

Tomato tries to touch my face. I pull away. He grabs a strand of my hair pulling hard, forcing me to face him. I gnash my teeth to manage the pain.

«Don't upset me, sweetheart, my only wish is for you to have fun», he whispers in a disgusting voice. In one fluid motion, I grab his thumb and twist his wrist forcing him to let me go and writhing in pain.

«Thank you very much, now I'm having fun. Do you wish for me to make it even more exciting?», I enforce my grip causing him to kneel down, tears on his eyes.

«No, no, no, no, no. Stop! Let go, please!», he sobs.

«What's going on in here, Ross?», asks his friend behind me.

«Ross! That's your name!», I nod and spin to face Eddy. I know him. He has the same name as my primary school classmate. He used to have an endless running nose. After passing the back of his hand under his nose he used to cleaned himself in his trousers leaving a greenish trail that still makes me shiver.

«This little... ah!».

«Be nice Ross!», I reprimand him before he could say something he will surely regret.

«Hey, Kitty!», Eddy addresses me and grabs my shoulder. Just at the exact moment I kick back leaving him breathless.

«Don't call me that!», I release Ross leaving him to deal with his painful wrist.

«What do you think you are?», the other one gets up and moves forward. After a couple of steps and the clash of glass he reaches his head. Rain has hit him with a bottle of beer.

«You're not so miserable after all», she pierces me with a curious look.

Ross surprises me holding me from the back to prevent any further movement. Jude steps forward, a disgusting smile lights up his face.

«I always wanted to tame you, Kitty».

I say nothing waiting for the right moment. When he's close enough I push on his chest and backflip on Ross's shoulder. I kick Jude's back pushing him toward Eddy, engaged with Rain. I notice that everyone in the room is fighting now, but Rain and I are the only girls.

«As they say: "once you start a fight, run for the hills"!».

She runs away pushing whoever finds on her way reaching for the fire exit. «What you're doing lambkin, coming or not?».

I run trying to avoid everyone who pushes me around, and when I'm finally outside, an old olive green Mustang appears in front of me.

«Jump in! I'll show you the world», she invites me to open the passenger door. I jump in the car ready to follow her till the end of the world.