Chapter 5

"This is the guy you described, thou' I can't drew him well 'cause you can't describe him in detail" Dr. Ana said and showed me the paper she was holding. My tears won't stop falling from my eyes while staring at the sketch she gave me. How can I forget his face?

"I-it's S-seb" I said while staring at the paper.

"Do you keep in touch with him?" She asked but I shook my head.

"He chose to avoid me when I recovered from the accident. But he's there when I woke up. He's crying beside me but didn't say anything when my doctor confirmed that I was diagnosed with selective amnesia. He tried to help me to recover my memories but every time I saw him my head will hurt like crazy that I will end up passing out. Since then I haven't heard anything from him."

"Have you ever tried to talk to him again?" She asked but my eyes fell into my hands that are resting on my lap.

"No, no one knows where he is right now" I said and sighed.

I remembered, when I just woke up form my coma it took me one to two months to remember him. But at that time he chose to stay by my side, praying and hoping that I'll be able to get the memories I lost. But I can't remember when he came back to our hometown.

The last memory I had with him is when he and his family migrated to Paris and that's 3 years ago before he came back.

I missed him, that's why my tears won't stop falling. I want to see my bestfriend but he's avoiding me. I know that he's doing that just to keep me safe, but still. I want us to become friends again and spend time together like what we used to do before and make new memories together keep up with the memories I lost.

"I already searched about No me despedere, te amare hasta el final. Hastaque nos volvamos e encontrar mi amor. And I found out that it's Spanish. It means, I will not bid my goodbye. I will love you until the end. Until we meet again my love" she explained that brought me back to reality.

"I h-heard that in my n-nightmares. E-eveynight, t-that man reassured me using that word before our car crashed in to that tree." I said but she doesn't seemed surprised. She just nodded and looked at the papers in her hands.

I lost 8 years of my memories that's why I really want to remember everything badly 'cause I can feel that there's something missing inside me. Yes I'm alive but everyday I felt like I'm dying or I'm really dead. I always feel lost in the dark.

After my session with Dr. Anna I went straight to my house because our session today really drained my energy. My head hurts but it's not as bad as before. All I wanna do is to rest and sleep for the mean time. But my dreams visited me again and ruined my deep slumber.

'Will you marry me?" he asked while kneeling infront of me.

My tears won't stop falling because of the happiness I'm feeling right now.

"y-yes" he put the ring on my finger and kissed me before hugging me tightly.

"te quiero mucho mi reina"

I woke up with tears streaming down my face. It's not new to me waking up like this but my dream tonight is new. I didn't know that I had a fiancé and I'm thinking if I should ask my parents about it 'cause I already know that If I ask them about it they won't tell me everything just to keep me safe and to ensure my health.

When I can't get back to sleep I decided to take a walk outside. I thought of continuing my novel but I don't want to overwork myself because if I will do that, I'll suffer from what they call 'Author's Block' and it usually takes me one week to overcome it.

I was just staring at the stars above me while walking that I didn't even realize that I bumped to someone.

"I'm sorry" I said and helped him to pick up the book that slipped from his hands.

"hey Elise" when he greeted, that's when I realize that it's Black.

"hey" I greeted back and looked at him.

"what are you doing outside at this hour?" he said and smiled at me.

"I cannot sleep so I decided to take a stroll" I said and handed him the books that slipped from his hands. "how about you?" I asked.

"I just got back from work" he said and showed me his bag.

"call center?"

"yep" he said and chuckled. "can I join you?" he added.

"aren't you sleepy and tired?" I asked but he shook his head.

"I usually sleep in the morning, and just stare at the ceiling from midnight till dawn." He said and shrugged.

"alright" I said continued walking but I make sure that he can keep up with my pace.

"how are you?" he asked, trying to start a conversation.

"why do you asked?"

"well your eyes are red right now" he said that made me chuckled.

"really?"

"do you usually walk here alone when you cannot sleep?" he asked after a long silence so I nodded as a response.

"when I don't want to write and I can't sleep I usually take a stroll around the neighbourhood. I usually stay at the playground and stare at the sky. But if I'm in the mood to write, I go to the café." I explained.

"why don't you just stay at your condo? It's not safe for you to walk alone in the middle of the night."

"well, if I stay there after having a nightmare I will just have panic attacks or breakdown and it will suffocate me so I chose to stay outside where I can breathe and enjoy the stars."

"You sure has a thing with nature. Before you go to bed try drinking tea or a glass of milk to help you calm your mind." he said. When we arrived at the playground, I walk straight to the swing and push it slowly using my feet. He sat beside me and followed what I was doing.

"are you free tomorrow?" he said that broke the silence between us.

"why?" I asked and stare at the sky above me.

"well I just want to invite you. I want to tour Vaduz but I'm just new here so I don't know the directions" he said and scratched the back of his hair.

"I'm not a good tour guide but I'll try" I said and chuckled. I gave it a thought and I think it's about time to go to the places that maybe will help me remember.

Since I recovered, I didn't experience having social life besides bar hopping with Je and April when we are free. I tried to ask mom and dad to bring me to places that I've been to so that I can try if I can recover my memories but they don't like that idea because they are afraid of what might happen to me..

"can I get your number? I'll give you mine too so you can text me when you are free." He said and handed me his phone.

"do you have a place in mind?" I asked him.

"well I want to go to the palace on top of a hill."

"Vaduz Castle? We can't go in there"

"why?"

"It's closed to public. They won't let visitors in but we can see it from down the hill" I answered and he just nodded his head.

"what about Kunstamuseum?"

" are you into arts?" I asked.

"yes, I used to paint until highschool but I stopped when I got into college 'cause I took different course and I know that I won't be able to balance everything so I needed to chose. But lately I tried to get back into drawing but I'm still trying to figure it out slowly."

"I feel you. It's hard to lose your passion." I said and sighed.

"why? Have you ever lost your passion?"

"well, I used to play guitar before but because of some accident, I can't get a hold of it when I tried again" I said and shrug.

"I know a lot of people often use this phase it but I'll say it anyway, try and try until you succeed. I know it's not easy but we can do it" he said and smiled at me.

My head started to hurt when I stared at his smile. There are so many images flashing in my head. I feel like anytime soon my brain will explode but it stopped when Black shook my arm and called my name. He stared at me, worried on what's happening to me.

"are you okay?" why are you crying?" he asked and wiped my tears off my cheeks. I gently pushed his hands away from me and stood up.

"I-I h-have to go. S-sorry" I said and walked away from him. I heard him calling my name but I chose not to look back at him. I'm glad that he chose to stay there and didn't follow me.

I fell on my knees, crying like a child for an unknown reason.