sadness

I fully lost the 2nd baby the same night we ended up at tent city. My kids were up and it was nearly 9pm. I started cramping really bad. So I put them all in the tent. I put the zipper up top so they couldn't reach it and let themselves out. Then I set up the several baby gates I was given. Then I grabbed one of the tarps and created a bathroom. So we could go potty on one side and shower on the next. The shower for the kids was pretty straight forward. I always hated water up on the grill. Then added it to the cold water. It was always hot enough for them to all shower. By the time I got to use it. It was like warm but I didn't mind. The portable potty was one of those toilet chairs above a bucket. Lined with a trash bag for easy clean up. Since tent city had a lot of trees. We always had firewood. I had my pots and pans, cooking utensils and 5 buckets full of clean water. Plus several just for the kids to use to play and what not. Now at least I'm closer to work and their school. So I truly couldn't complain. Then I ran into a friend I met through Kimo. We hit it off. Everything was great. It has been a few weeks and for some reason. I just couldn't wait any longer. So we jumped in. Kimo found out about us and ended up giving him spice. So him not checking. He ended up very addicted. Very aggressive as well. He started thinking crazy, acting crazy. Always seeing things and it was bad. He never hit me and was never mean to my kids. We just argued a lot. We only did it a few times before and none after that. I no longer wanted it. I guess you could say my heart wasn't in it anymore. I had my 6 month check and the doctor can't in with the worst news possible. I on the iud was pregnant. So they had to remove it. Twins again. A few days went by. Then the guy I was dating got more of that spice. I asked him to stop smoking it. Then I told him I was pregnant and we're having twins. He was very happy at first. So he went out with the guys to party. Came back high off of spice. He punched my face and just started wailing on me. One of the guys in the tent city saw and pulled him off of me. He swore I was a demon. That was the breaking point. Once my face healed up I went back into the program. I became close friends with a girl madness Rose. Sweetest mom I've ever met. We became close friends. Her husband and her were fighting. After the fight we took all our kids to the beach. It was by the pier. A few months of this swimming by the pier. Whenever my ex showed up or her husband and her got into it. That is where we went. To help the kids forget about it. In the midst of all of this I ended up with that girl I told you about. Kc was sweet. She and I decided the twins were going to be hers. With me of course. I was going to put her name on the birth certificate. Since the actual father chose not to give up spice. Then one of the last times I ever saw him. He was high again. He tried to push me into the road in front of a bus. So I decided I was going to cut him out of my life for real. Yes he was sexy, had a lot of money and everything. He just came with too much risky baggage. Me and kc were together together now. She had to work. I was at the program. He was at the gate screaming for me to come out for nearly an hour. So I went out but I never left the gate. He was begging me to go back with him. How he couldn't stand the fact that I was going to have his kids but we weren't together. We got into an argument. I told him the only way we could be together is if he stopped drinking and doing drugs. I didn't mind cigarettes as long as it's not in the same room as my kids. Everything else had to stop. He refused and so I went back in. My friend Rose saw the whole thing and decided we were going to it power. When we got there my youngest son decided to push his baby sister into the water. He wasn't trying to hurt her or anything. I think he was just trying to get her to swim with them. I jumped in to get her. I climbed up the rocks with her in my arms. When I reached the top. My younger son wasn't paying attention and stepped on my fingers. We fell and I landed on my belly. I started bleeding really badly. I was cramping and in a lot of pain. The very next day I went to see the doctor.