Running Away

Yup, here I was. Sad, alone, confused and hurt. I took my baby boy and dropped him with my mom and her family. I told her I had some things to do. I will be back once I'm done. It took 6 months of constant drinking and drugs. Just numbing myself trying to run away from my reality. I woke up and spent my entire day getting high and drunk. I had no cares to give. I'm not even sure how but I ended to dating my beneficial party thrower. Nothing short of a quick fix type of relationship. It ended as quickly as it started. A old high school and mutual friend found me. By accident at one of the pool parties. We will call him JD. He recognized me almost instantly. I was so gone that he decided to take me home. He got into a quick confrontation with my then boyfriend. Then he picked me up and took me back to his place. He had his sister help him shower me. Then they got me into his room and locked me inside. His room had it's own bathroom. So the only time they opened my door was to bring me food. They also came in when I was coming down. To help keep my fever down and ensure my safety. So I was on high alert and completely terrified. I had no idea who this woman was at first. Eventually once I was completely detoxed from all the drugs. He had come in and I knew who he was. So I felt a little more at ease. Still a little worried as I was locked in a room by a woman I didn't recognize. Only to find I knew who he was. My mind was racing. Once they deemed me safe. They let me out of the room. I was very quiet at first. Then a bit aggressive. Eventually after spending so much time with him. We became pretty close. So much so that we ended up having a few drinks together. In his backyard he had a jacuzzi. We got so drunk that we ended up going all the way. After a few rounds and an entire bottle of hards. We started in the jacuzzi and ended back in my room. We went on like this for nearly an entire month. Eventually we were close enough that I wanted to be by his side no matter what. Time definitely flew on by. It was almost Xmas. So he finally brought up the fact that I had 2 sons. So I agreed that we would go and visit. I had already lost my low income because I spent all my money on my drugs and alcohol each month. So all my things were taken to my moms. So she had all of it in her attic. Bed and all were already set up for me. When we got there my oldest was sitting on the rock wall. Just kinda sad and bored. He didn't recognize the car we were in because he's never met JD. So he stopped and I got out. My sons face lit up like the sky in July. Then it darkened. It was as if he was happy to see me but mad that I left. I can't say that I blamed him. Lord knows I knew how he felt. I felt even worse because I knew how it felt and I did it to him. I wasn't thinking about the damage it would cause him. I was selfish. I wanted to keep him safe and left him with my family. He saw it as my mom left me. It broke my heart in ways I could never explain.