I Thought It Would Be Ok

I was just getting back in touch with some of  my oldest friends. Some I couldn't talk to anymore and one didn't even go to public school anymore. Her name was Paige. She had been my best friend since we were maybe a year old. Her mother babysat me for the better part of my childhood and we went to elementary school together, too.

One day after my classes I asked her and her mother if it was ok for her to come hang out with me. Her mother was very particular who she could spend time with. She allowed Paige to come with me and this would be the point in my story that Paige met Asher as well. I was excited for Paige to meet Asher because I wanted to share someone that I loved and had fun with, with my best friend. They got along great! Paige and I had fun when she was over.

We tried different hair styles and toyed with makeup. We babysat Asher's son together and my newborn nephew. The whole house was harmonious. This was until the day that Paige expressed to me that she felt she might love Asher. My heart sunk and I felt like I was going to vomit. I never saw this coming.

My best friend, that I was so confident in, had become the source of my anxiety. We used to have fun when she came over, but now I only pretended to have fun while she spent her time trying to flirt with Asher. I was a third wheel and they made me feel ugly for it. She already had someone she loved. I couldn't understand why she needed the one that I loved. I'm sure shed known how I felt. Everyone knew how I felt. Did she really not notice or maybe she did and didn't care?

My trust in her was being whittled away each time she walked through my door. At this point in time I started smoking and my drug use increased. Id only smoked weed before, but now I was widening my range and taking various other things to distract myself. The flirting between Paige and Asher had gotten to the point that his long term girlfriend had left him and my brother and his family moved from the apartment.

I refused to go home and live with my mother again, so Paige took me in. I felt like leaving that apartment was a way for Paige and I to revive our friendship. I was still babysitting for Asher after my classes, but I didn't know that Paige was seeing him while I was at school. Shed told me about it after a few months. She even followed up that information with what they would do. She explained to me how he would touch her and how that made her feel.

I wanted to destroy her. I wanted to emotionally demolish her. She had stolen him from me. She had her person that she loved and it didn't work out so she took away someone that I loved. I never tried to separate him from his girlfriend. I understood my boundaries, but she came in and shredded everyone's peace. She manipulated and tainted relationships. She got what she wanted in the end.

Slowly our friendship had become less bonded and we grew tired of each other. I started focusing on my friends from school instead. Most weekends I would leave to go to a friends house for parties and come home for school. I was fucked up all the time. I didnt care, I was having fun and taking life by my own terms.

I decided to forget about Asher and Paige. I still hung out with Paige, but quit visiting Asher or even babysitting his son. I started dating a classmate instead. That lasted a whole month. Then afterwards I dated his friend that I met at a party. His name was James.

I was just getting to know James when my second brother Jon and his friend Lewis had taken me with them to Florida. It was my summer vacation again and they wanted me to come spend time with them. I had such an amazing time down there, except I missed my boyfriend. We talked every night on the phone though.

Hed become my best friend and helped me forget the anguish that Asher had brought me. Then I came home for school again and things began changing. James was my best friend until he started talking to his ex again. Until he started talking about what he wanted to do with other women. Again, that feeling of anguish came back. I tolerated for so long until I left him. James was no good. I moved out of Paige's house shortly after the school year started and moved back into my mothers house.

Id been living at my mothers house for about a month when Asher texted me to see how I was doing. I felt my heart racing and the excitement of him talking to me was beaming from my whole body. He would come around to visit me a couple days a week and our friendship started to feel like it did when I first fell in love with him. He had moved and switched jobs. He was doing good in life. Then he called and asked if I wanted to hang out. He wanted to take me out and meet his friend that he was living with now. I had no idea what was going to happen that night.