It's Not Easy To Exist

•Content Warning: This chapter may contain|depict sexual assault, rape, suicide and murder. Reader discretion is advised.•

'Vayne, let's go home?'

'These just are all illusions and you never liked illusions, right?'

Vayne was woken up from the last words ringing in her ears. At first, her vision was still blurry, the whiteness of her surroundings is too concentrated that she felt that it's blinding. After adjusting to the light, her eyesight became focused. She smelled the antiseptic in the air and concluded that she's probably in a clinic or some sort of healing ward.

She tried to stand up but it seems like her body is just recovering. Luckily, she managed to balance herself. All these activities made her breathless.

Vayne couldn't help but snigger. Anger and despair are slowly coming to her. Did she survive her own detonation and now she's captured here? Does she need to undergo another torture? She gripped the bed handle and suicidal thoughts merged in her mind. She tried to calm herself and let go of any killings in her mind. [1]

It's such a wonder. She previously lived in a perfectly harmonious society and lived as a law-abiding citizen yet when she came back in her god-forsaken place, her mind twisted in a terrifying state. Maybe when she died and lived in a peaceful society, she still couldn't let go of her sufferings so when came back here, all of her misgivings and previous rage became expressed.

What's even more of a shock is that rather than thinking that she survived Lily's massacre, she already thought and accepted that she came back into the apocalypse. Her acceptance is because she had an inkling that she's living in a world that is too surreal and now she came back to reality.

Kacha!

The door opened that draws Vayne's attention. She focused on the person who entered and braced her mind. Whoever it is, she will kill if they mean any harm. However, she was caught in surprise. The person who entered was wearing clean clothes and looks as if he never experienced any suffering amidst the apocalypse.

"The young master woke up! I will notify the clan immediately!"

The person happily took his phone out and dialed several numbers.

"Elder, the young master has woken up!"

"Madam, the young master has woken up!"

While the other person is calling a bunch of people. Vayne is being checked upon by doctors and nurses. She tried to hold back herself and waited for what these people will do. Mysteriously, these people congratulated her recovery.

Moreover, she can see their faces unlike in her previous world where all she can see are faceless eggs. This new change made Vayne more sure.

"Young Master, we're so happy that you woke up! Everyone was worried because of the accident!" The doctor tearfully said.

Vayne became lost. What's happening? Why is everyone calling me young master? Who are these people?

Vayne became nervous. A foreboding feeling surged. She runs into the bathroom and sees an unfamiliar face in the mirror.

This face is not hers! This body is not hers! Who did she transmigrate to?

"Y-young master, what's wrong?" the man worriedly asked. Is the young master all right? Did the accident cause him to become dumb? Still! Young master is still a young master!

Vayne trembled and inquired fervently:"Where are we? What's the time and date?"

"We-we are at J Hospital. July 7 of Year 20XX. Young master, is something wrong?"

Vayne ignored the emotional eyes of the people in the room.

She tapped her hands. What was she doing at this time?

The zombie apocalypse came in November of the same year. Four months before it, what was she doing? July 7, it feels like this date held a significant event, a terrifying one at that.

Vayne racks her brains out. She was in school and then what?

Everyone gazes at Vayne, waiting for her next actions. They saw her suddenly breathe heavily and her eyes reddened.

In the next moment, the weak young master dashed out like he was injected with chicken blood. [2]

"Young masteeerrrr!!!!!"

The left-out man called desperately.

After Vayne vanished, chaos ensued.

...

Meanwhile, adrenaline revitalizes her previous wilting self. Vayne ran like a madman. She searched every street near J Hospital.

Varying fragments of her memory tells her about a street, herself, and blood. If her memory tells her right, this is her first murder.

The sight of Vayne running like a maniac alarmed everyone in the streets. It's a different kind of panic though.

They etched Vayne's face and saw the blazing logo of J Hospital then dialled their number. Some took a photo or video then posted it on the internet.

Vayne also felt panic as she saw the people on the streets. It was no better than seeing people with no faces. It's just that their faces just overlap with the undead and it makes her anxious and wanting to throw up.

She knew that once the apocalypse came, this crowd's positive gaze will be replaced by craving, desire for flesh and blood.

Vayne asked a pedestrian who was wearing a familiar uniform:"Do you know Vayne?"

The pedestrian was surprised and blushed, her mind blanked and stuttered but didn't reply. She thought she's going to be yelled at for recording Vayne.

The pedestrian's classmate responded seeing that her friend's brain got fried after seeing a beauty.

"Senior Vayne? She was with Senior Lily and I think they went with their acquaintances."

Vayne asked specifically for their location and ran after hearing the answer. At first, she was unsure whether another 'Vayne' will exist since another 'Vayne' of the same soul exist in another body. And after hearing that Vayne existed, she didn't know what to feel. If Vayne exists, why did she not open her eyes as this world's Vayne? Is it possible that this is not her original world and she's just a wandering soul that managed to steal this body? Then what about the soul of this body? What happened to him?

"So-so handsome! Shane, do you think that he's acquainted with Senior Vayne? Should I ask if her for that hotties' name?"

Shane sighed: "That man is running around in a hospital gown, have you ever thought if there's something wrong with him, Mary?"

Mary pouted: "If you thought that there's something wrong with him, then why did you say Senior Vayne's location? What if that guy has bad intention?"

Shane paused. She's just also entranced by his face, okay? Shane felt guilty and quite worried, she dialled the police number and reported a case of a patient running away and told them the same location she said to Vayne. She also texted Senior Vayne's number to let her know. She hoped that nothing bad will happen and the enchanting man is just as kind as his face.

Vayne reached the destination in no time. She gasped for air and endured the pain of breathing. She persisted and ignored her body's discomfort. As she recoups energy, she heard the same annoying voice. She wanted to appear immediately but she tasted a bloody sensation in her mouth.

Weak! Vayne fears that before she stopped the murder, she will be the first to get beaten. She felt stupid for rushing out and overestimated herself, she forgot that the state of the body she's inhabiting can't even defeat a chicken.

The alley has enough darkness to conceal a homicide. It was also quite away from passing civilians.

Vanye wondered whether it was a blessing or a curse that she wasn't imprisoned.

"Vayne, have you forgotten? The reason why you can attend this university is that I gave up my spot to you in exchange for providing me with money? You haven't given me this month's allowance."

"No, there is no exchange! Vayne qualified because she's smart! You didn't get in because you're stupid!"

Vayne heard Lily's voice and remembered how much of a time-bomb she is. No matter what world, Lily's ability to gain hatred is superb.

"Shut up bitch!"

"Stop it, Albert. I've just paid half of the tuition and sent you last week the money. I have no money currently, but I'll be able to give it to you next week, okay?"

This pleading and soothing voice, no wonder many people wanted to bully and exploit her.

"Vayne, you are too kind! You have no responsibility to feed these losers. Tsk! Tsk! The name Albert is wasted on you. I pity the orphanage director for giving you that name in hope of you become wise and intelligent!"

Vayne who was hiding smiled as if mocking herself. She isn't kind, she's just hopelessly stupid.

"Pftt! Brother Albert, since Vayne cannot give us money today, why don't we just have fun today? Sister Vayne and Sister Lily don't mind giving us brothers some fun, right?"

Bastard! Motherfucking bastard!

Vayne took a peek.

'Vayne' hid Lily behind her with an uncomfortable and cautious expression. They are being surrounded by three soon-to-be murdered bastards.

Albert caressed 'Vayne's' face and chuckled.

"Aren't you a little pretty thing? Why do you need to study? Why don't you just work as whore?"

"Ack!" 'Vayne' twitched in pain as her hair was pulled up.

Lily shouted:"You bastard!"

The other two caught Lily and their malicious intent is plated on their faces.

At any minute, those bastards will call for help as 'Vayne's' psychic power will spike up and eventually mutilate them. Then, Vayne will intervene and calm 'Vayne.' Nevertheless, the success rate of this plan is nearly zero.

An unknown man who looks like a runaway patient saw you trying to kill someone and tries to calm you down. Will you calm down? Of course not! If it was Vayne in her, she'll also kill that man.

Truth to be told, Vayne didn't care whether she live or die again. It didn't matter whether she can change her life in this world. Maybe all the resentment she had when she opened her eyes wasn't directed to being tortured again or living again only to experience the misery of the apocalypse. She's just too tired of....existing. She'll be much happier if she ceased to exist, pain-free and problem-free.

She lived long enough and experience enough ups and downs. If she were to wish, it'll be to disappear alone and unknowingly, undisturbed and no one to implicate.

Vayne waited for enough but she didn't hear the sound of men's plea but rather 'Vayne' and Lily's cry for help.

Vayne's face crunched up and observed the situation.

Albert and his lackeys laugh like the animal they are. They ripped their clothes and exposed their undergarments.

Vayne probes 'Vayne' to see symptoms of her psychic power going awry. Yet, there is no anomaly or any manifestation of psychic power.

Vayne has a hunch why. She took several stones and bigger rocks. She aimed at their cervical spine, the first smaller stones missed the target and the fist-sized rock successfully hit Albert which in turn freed 'Vayne,' and she sat there like a limp while trembling.

Vayne:"..." He has no brains and no brawn. Well, it's a cervical spine that we're talking about anyway.

"Fuck, who's there?!"

The remaining shitheads support Albert while trying to detain Lily and 'Vayne.'

Vayne didn't try to conceal herself and openly throw the remaining rocks in her hands, hitting them in their vital spots like knees, eyes, throat, and whatnot.

"Trying to be a hero when you are just alone? Heh! Come out or else..."

Vayne understood the omitted part. She looks at them coldly and didn't say anything. No matter how much they said, Vayne just stood there and stares at them.

"Mister! Run! You can't deal with them!" Lily shouted, she also hopes that the man will call for help.

Vayne understood Lily's meaning, however, as much as she wants to do that, she cannot run. Even if she did, her body won't last long. The energy that she recovered isn't enough to escape and ask someone's help right now.

Should she have thought things more thoroughly and calmly? Well, it's too late now.

"Doesn't death excites you?" Vayne said and then she smiled, a smile so cold it can reach absolute zero.

'A psychopath!'

The thought of encountering a psychopath gave them a psychological blow. Vayne saw them and thought of paper tigers. [3]

They bully the weak and fear the strong or someone who is on par with them.

Vayne strides towards them.

"Stop! If you don't, we will kill these girls!"

"The more the merrier!"

Vayne raised the rock in her hand and acted like she will hit their heads. Upon seeing this, the lackey tried to dodge and punch him. Vayne missed the punch by a margin and she slammed the stone on others' eyes. She kicked his groin and as his body lowers, she used her other hand to inflict damage to his solar plexus.

Vayne holds her breath and ingests the blood in her throat.

The other one supporting Albert distanced himself and saw his comrade wilting in pain.

'This is not what we planned!'

He thought of attacking Vayne in her back but he was met by the same psychotic farce. Should he run?

"You bastard!"

The lackey who was wilting in pain grabbed Vayne's foot causing her to fall hard on her back.

"You only caught me off-guard! You fucker! I will beat you to death!"

It seems like the fear she induced earlier by acting like a psychopath already stopped and was replaced by anger. The time was shorter than she thought. In any case, she achieved her plan of putting a distance between them and using herself to divert others' attention to her. She just hopes that the authority will come sooner, she didn't run like a madman in the middle of the streets, wearing nothing but a patient gown for nothing! It was bitingly chilly, especially in her lower half. There was also that sensation of something dangling in between her thighs.

He glares at Vayne and strengthens his footing. In actuality, he's losing his strength already, he still felt nauseous and hard to breathe. He also glared at the other lackey for being a coward.

Vayne ignored him. She saw the fear, anger, and shock in 'Vayne' and Lily's faces as they saw her lying on cold hard ground.

She gently smiles at them, trying to reassure them.

Vayne took the bag on the side and throw it as a decoy, it was flung as expected then Vayne launches an attack using the sling bag and hit the other on his head. She inhaled and gave her last bit of strength to one last hit before getting punched in the face. Her HP has reached zero.

Before she lost her consciousness, she saw 'Vayne's' eyes and confirmed the possibility of switching souls.

....

[1] She's talking about her first life when she detonated herself when she was tortured.

1st Life- Zombie Apocalypse, died by suicide.

2nd Life-Modern, killed by mass bombing (by yours truly, Lily).

3rd Life- Zombie Apocalypse, current.

Vayne thought that when she died in her 2nd life, she came back to her 1st life and survived her suicide and thus continue being in the torture chamber.

[2] Someone who is overly excited.

[3] A person or thing that appears threatening but is ineffectual.