14 14. Truth

"Can you get me some water, daddy?"

Xander who had been about to get me water, stopped. It took him, one, two, three seconds to turn around. I quickly got up the couch, the need to hide away so strong. Oh my goodness. I couldn't believe I had just said that.

"Bram..."

"It was a mistake." I blurted out and something flashes over Xander's face, but it was gone as fast as it came. "I didn't mean to. I was just so comfortable, I forgot myself for a minute."

"I-"

I walked around the couch, trying to inch closer towards the direction of my room so I could make a run for it. Xander was watching my every move so I know, he already knows what I want to do. I wanted to run away and at the same time I wanted to sit on his lap and be cuddled by him.

I felt a chill go through me. I felt it down to my finger tips. I didn't even notice I was shaking until Xander said it out.

"Bram, you're shaking."

"Huh?" I looked down at my hands and yeah, I was shaking.

"Darling, you need to calm down. Can I hold you? Please, baby, let me hold you." Xander said, taking one step towards me. I was tempted to take a step backwards but I couldn't. There was the familiar stinging sensation behind my eyes and oh! This was not how I thought my day was going to end.

I hated being scared all the time.

I hated being cold.

I hated the chill that goes through me whenever I remembered what had happened in the past with that shitty man.

I had someone good. Yeah, we might not have defined our relationship but we know where we are headed. Xander was a daddy dom and I want to be able to give him my all. He deserves it. I deserve it. He was going to treat me right and he has, ever since we met.

Xander takes another step forward and then another. He kept going until he was right in front of me.

"Bram, I'm going to hold you and you're going to sit on my lap, alright?"

I nodded.

"Use your words, Bram."

"Kitten." was all I said, sniffing a bit.

"Kitten, would that be alright?" Xander asked and this time I let out a shaky yes. Xander leads me over to the couch, grabbing the remote as he sat down. He places the remote on the table beside the couch and pulls me into his lap.

I pull my legs up, my hand clutching his shirt while I press my nose against his neck. Xander softly strokes my back, his free hand resting on the hand clutching his shirt tight.

"Kitten, you're alright."

"I'm not."

"Kitten..."

"I didn't get aftercare." I blurted out. The words coming off as a whisper. I didn't want to yell it or say it loud enough for my walls to hear. it's the truth though, I never got aftercare. "It's fine when it happens once. I told him before and when we started the relationship, my likes and dislikes, especially after and he said he was okay with it. It wasn't in the contract but we talked about it and I thought it was fine, you know."

"You don't have to tell me right now, kitten."

"I do though. I started, so I might as well finish. I wanted you to know why I am this way." I said.

Xander took hold of the hand I had in his shirt and bring it to his lips, pressing small kisses on it. I took it as his sign for continue and so I did.

"My ex liked to use rope during sex and it was okay, that was sex. However, he started bringing it up when I'm little. I don't like it, it's not my preference. Having sex in my little space is a big no for me and I thought he'd respect that. Instead he got angry and started yelling and as a punishment, he'd tie my hands and feet for hours."

"Baby, that was not right. That is not okay."

"I only had short term daddy doms and I thought that was how the long term ones work. He said he loves me and I thought, oh well, he loves me and that means he will take care of me. We talked about what we liked and didn't. He's a dom, he knows what's best for me." I said, my voice still quiet. "I was so wrong. He'd leave me at home in my little space and not come back for hours, he'd have sex, call me names and I still didn't get aftercare. So I started setting up alarms for myself, since there was no one there, I had to take care of me. One day, I woke up, my hands and legs tied with rope, it was cold. I had dropped and he had just tied me up and left me alone. The window was open, it was so cold and there... was no one there."

I was crying now, tears running down the sides of my face, over the bridge of my nose and onto Xander's shirt.

"Did you call someone? Ryan?"

"I didn't call anyone. I didn't have Ryan back then. No friends." I said and press even closer to Xander.

"Tell me the name of this dead man."

"He isn't dead." I said.

"He will be when I am done with him." Xander growled. Like literally growled. The sound going through me. Any other time, I'd have found it sexy as fuck but now wasn't the time. "You didn't deserve to go through that."

"I know that now."

"I am so sorry you went through that." Xander said, pressing kisses on my hand again. "I am so angry you had to go through that. You deserve to be treated like the prince you are. My curly haired prince."

I let out a wet laugh, sniffing. Xander's hand reached up and he wipes the tears away.

"A prince."

"A prince and more." Xander said, so earnestly.

"I know you want to tell m not all doms behave that way."

"No, kitten. I wasn't. I was going to tell you, daddy doms do not act that way. Do not." Xander said and I sit up, so I could look at him.

"What?"

"Aftercare is so important. Not just for the subs or littles, but for the doms too. You are precious. Littles and subs are precious to doms, we want to take care of you and make sure you're okay. It comes naturals and to some doms it's like an instinct. Everyone has their preference though, some subs and littles don't like being touched, some do. Some doms when they drop like cuddling their subs while some like to be left alone. Your ex deserves a beating."

"I thought the dom had the say when it comes to things."

"The submissive are just as important. Your choices, everything. You have as much of a say as doms." Xander said, looking at me right in the eyes. I didn't know what to say. Sure, I had been with doms before my ex but he made me think it only worked that way because the other doms were short term.

"Oh."

"Yeah, darling. I am still going to need his name."

"You're not going to look for him." I said, reaching up to touch Xander's face.

"I'm not."

"And J and any one from your family isn't either." I said and Xander narrowed his eyes at me.

"I... am so sorry you had to go through that alone. I am so happy you have Ryan now." Xander said and I smiled, for the first time in what felt like ages. I was also glad I had Ryan now too. I had gone through that rough patch alone. I didn't even tell my mum.

"Thank you for listening and for also getting angry on my behalf."

"Kitten..."

I moved closer, brushing my nose against Xander's and he quiets down. His arms go around my waist and held me tight. Once our lips brushed, I felt it. The tingles, the sparks. It's soft, just the press of lips until I press even closer, gasping when Xander nipped at my bottom lip. I moved even closer as the kiss deepens, our tongues dancing, Xander licking into my mouth and kissing me senseless.

We pulled apart a couple minutes later, panting. Xander's lips was swollen and I was sure mine was too. I could move, change positions and straddle him and just keep kissing him. I could do all that but I liked how we were right now, right there.

"I've wanted to do that for days." Xander said and I giggled.

"I've wanted to do that for months."

"This is not a competition."

"It isn't but if it is, I win." I said, smiling at Xander. I let out another giggle when he rolls his eyes. I was so happy, I felt so free now that I had finally told Xander everything. I wasn't as cold as I was before.

"I want to introduce you to someone." I said, reluctantly getting off, the couch.

"Who?"

"Give me a minute." I called as I raced back into the room. I grabbed Chocolate, who was lying on the bed and dragged him out to the sitting room, proudly showing him off to Xander who just grinned.

"Hey, it's an old friend."

"This is Chocolate." I said, waving the teddy's arm at Xander.

I placed Chocolate on the couch and got back on Xander's lap.

"You named your stuffie chocolate?"

"Yeah. it's perfect. His eyes remind me of malteasers and malteasers are chocolate." I said with a shrug. I was going to say one more thing but my tummy let out a loud rumble. I looked down at it and up at Xander who looked like he was holding back his laugh.

I pouted as I looked at him.

"Are you hungry, kitten?" He asked.

"A little."

My tummy rumbled and I pressed a hand to it. The traitor.

"What do you want to eat?"

"Pizza! Some cheese bread and coke."

Xander grabbed his phone from the table beside the couch. Oh, when did that get there? He tapped in his password and pulled up the Just Eat app. He scrolled through the list of restaurants until we finally settled on one.

We ordered one large chicken supreme pizza, cheese bread, chicken wings and soda. Once that was done, Xander shuts his phone and placed it back on the table. His attention back on me.

"Can I ask you a question?" Xander asked.

"Yeah."

"How did you get into this lifestyle?" Xander asked and I looked at him.

"In high school, I had all these questions and feelings until I watched Secretary. And I was intrigued, so I searched online until I found something. There was a club in the next town over and curiosity got the best of me, so I just had to know. I learned everything about doms and subs until the man realized I was underaged and shouldn't be there."

"How old were you?"

"Seventeen." I said. "Then I went back online and there were clubs, forums and meet ups and that was where I met my short term doms. Doms who just wanted to take care of someone, no sex. Just littles. That was where I even met my ex." I said.

"You were an adventurous seventeen year old."

"I just wanted to know, give myself a title and not sway in the breeze you know."

"A brave boy. My brave boy." Xander said and I preened under his words.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"Why haven't you asked me to be your little? Why haven't you told me you're different, that you'd take care of me and treat me right?"