Chapter 3

She laid her phone back on the bed, then had to pick it up again, to make sure these messages actually happened. They did. Fuck.

She looked around her apartment. Didn't look half as messy as she had anticipated. Cleaning up some more? It wasn't an option. She still got up and looked the basics. The toilettes were clean and no food was perishing. She thought about making her bed, but that felt too staged.

The bar wasn't that far away from here, but the knock on the door came earlier, then she had expected. Quickly she switched off, must of the lights to try to give the place a gloomy atmosphere and soften the edges.

She opened the door and in came his sent and the cold air from outside. He stood there, unsure how to behave. She moved to the side, pushed an awkward "hello" out of her throat and made a motion to invite him in. Seeing how uncomfortable she was with handling the situation, he eased up a little bit, came in and gave her a hug to greet her. Anything else would have been too intimate. They weren't that close actually. And the boldness they had shown via text, lived in the digital world.

His body against hers, even in this short hug, felt electrifying. "More, please" - she thought.

"Don't you want to close the door?", he asked. She realized that she was just standing there, the door still in her hand. So she closed it.

It made it even worse. Now they just stood in the hallway. Still not knowing how to act.

"Sorry, I'm really tired"

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know. If you want to sleep, I can just -"

"No, no. That's not what I meant", she smile awkwardly, "My brain. It's just. Not working right anymore"

"Okay", he answered, even more confused and unsure of how he should act.

"Beer?"

"Yes, please", relieved.

She went to the fridge, took two beers out and gave him on. She started searching for an opener. She turned her back to him and opened the drawers, when she felt him come closer to her. He brushed her hair over her shoulder and caressed her neck. She stopped breathing. He leaned in to kiss her neck. But then she turned around, placing her hand on his chest, pushing him away a little bit.

"Wait"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought..."

"Yeah, no. You thought right. But wait - give me a second", she closed her eyes, realizing the moment was about to break. From cute and intense, to awfully awkward.

"Can we just go a little bit slower?"

"Oh, yes, sure", he moved a step back, but feeling him distancing himself she grabbed his hand. Their eyes met. He didn't dare to move, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. So the ball was in her court. Her hand slowly moved against his and intertwined there fingers. She looked at their hands, then in his eyes. She took his hand and brushed it against her cheek, then placed it back towards him and let it go.

She went turned back to the drawer, saw the opener immediately and took it.

"Come, let's sit on the bed", she wiggled the opener in front of her head, motioning an invitation to drink there.

"Sorry, it's not made", she apologized and added the white lie, "I meant to do it".

"It's okay"

She sat down first, then Cam followed her. Leaving about a meter between them. She looked at the space and moved closer to him. She had distabled him. Now he probably didn't know how to act right. She took his hand, but had to let it go again to open the bottles.

They cheers-ed and the awkwardness was back again.

"What exactly did you mean by going a bit slower?"

"I'm not sure"

"Hmpf. Is this like a - hang out then?"

"Cam"

"What?"

"Stop it."

"Sorry", he smiled. Man, did she want him. She didn't understand what was happening with her. Everything coming out of her mouth was working against what she wanted.

"It's ok, if you changed your mind, Emily", he finally said.

"It's not that"

"What is it then?"

"What happens afterwards?"

"Afterwards? Like, do a sleep over or go home?"

"Cam"

"Yeah, sorry. Well... I don't know"

"Yeah, because I actually enjoy hanging out with you. What if that's gone afterwards?"

"I bet you have many other friends to hang out with"

"Cam!"

"Okay, okay", he laughed, "I'm sorry. I'll stop teasing you"

Silence.

"Em, we don't have to do anything. If it worries you to much"

She remained silent. After a while he moved uncomfortably.

"What if -"

"What if?"

She bite her lower lip.

"What if we just kiss?", she turned towards him and gazed at him. He looked into her eyes, trying to see if this was some type of test. But she genuinely meant it. So he put his hand back on her cheek and slowly moved in to kiss her. Just before their lips met, he stopped. Tension was building up in both of them. He stroke her cheek, her neck, her hairs. Then finally leaned in. And their lips touched.