02. Morning

Last night had been hectic for the 15-year-old Hikigaya Hachiman. Had it not been for the strange dream jolting him awake at midnight, he would have had a healthy 8-hour sleep. Instead, he had tossed and turned in his bed until 5 a.m. after that initial shock, resulting in him barely walking straight this morning. The boy's face was haggard, and calling his eyes 'dead' was putting it lightly. 

'Yawn~'

Hikigaya was sitting in the kitchen, lethargically rubbing his eyes and munching on his breakfast while recalling the event last night. He had always regarded himself as a realist, and something about that dream simply didn't add up. He knew how dreams work, most of the time, the dream would become blurry, fragmented even, after waking up, and the ordinary person wouldn't be able to describe their dreams in detail.

Yet, in Hikigaya's case, he could still remember everything, down to the last details. The state of the hospital room, the color of the tiles, the life support tubes, the heart monitor, and all the other insignificant objects and decorations of the room. That alone was already an achievement, perhaps even plausible in some rare cases. 

However, what had turned Hikigaya's world upside down was the fact that he had felt everything through the man, his sensory perception had overlapped with that of the person inside his dream. Whatever the man had gone through in the dream, Hikigaya had also experienced it as if he was the one lying on the hospital bed. Had it not been for the memory of going to bed and waking up this morning, Hikigaya would have thought that he simply had memory loss and all was over for him. He had felt the man's grieves, his pain, his desperation, the chilling cold when death was approaching, and the relief when he had accepted his demise. His body could help but convulse a little at those memories.

He could still taste the bitterness on his tongue, along with a slight numbness in places where the tubes were on the man's body. All of this could be attributed to him being insomniac, but the irrefutable evidence was there, it was his nose, which scrunched up at the thought. 

'It's still there…' - He could still smell the disinfectant, the cleaning detergent all too clearly. Anybody who had gone to the hospital once could differentiate between household detergent and hospital detergent, and Hikigaya was certain that he hadn't been near any hospital recently. The possibility that this implied was ridiculous, but not completely implausible.

'It can't be… right?' - Hikigaya cut off his imagination here, anything further would have sent his lifetime worth of common sense off to the deep end. Still, the fact of the matter was that he could feel whatever that person was feeling, which could explain the sudden emotional outburst last night. 

Then his thought stopped, Hikigaya reverted to the image of him sobbing quietly on his bed, the shameful moment that he wished had never happened. Unfortunately for the poor boy, it was more real than ever.

Hikigaya could feel his haggard cheeks heating up in shame, the corners of his mouth twitching like a seizure. A deep scowl was embedded on his face, combined with his insomniac complexion, that alone was enough to give Pennywise The Clown a run for its money. 

When was it that he had cried for the first time? Perhaps it was when somebody had first made fun of him, but after so many beatings since then, he thought he had become numb enough to not shed a tear ever again. Yet, last night, it broke the record. It was humiliating on so many levels, if anyone ever knew about this, then he had no choice but to dig a hole to bury himself, like a Minecraft beginner on their first night, the only difference was that, he wouldn't be coming out. 

After drowning in misery for a brief moment, the boy realized that there was virtually nothing he could do to erase that black history of his, at best he could only hide it. Hikigaya dejectedly slouched his head and groaned.

"What's with the grudge this early in the morning, Hacchin~?"

"Oh, it's nothing, I just didn't sleep very well."

His character-defining moment was interrupted by a voice entering the kitchen, came a beautiful woman in pajama, dragging her listless body to the kitchen counter. That woman was his mother, despite her youthful appearance, she was in her mid-30s, yet still acting cutesy with the fashionable name-calling. 

'What the hell is Hacchin anyway? Why can't you act your age woman?' - He subconsciously retorted in his mind.

"Hey hey, are you badmouthing me, Hacchin~?" - The woman emitted a dangerous glint from the corner of her narrowed eyes, overlooking Hikigaya sitting peacefully at the kitchen table. 

That sweet, mellow voice instantly woke him up from his stupor. Straightening his posture, Hikigaya nervously swallowed his last piece of bread while thinking of an answer. It was often said nothing is comparable to the wraith of a mother, when combined with the mention of a woman's age, that fear multiplied many times over.

"N-no such thing, I'm just grumbling about the nightmare I had last night!" - His quick thinking didn't fail him. - 'A life saved.'

"Heee, you still have nightmares at this age? Is that why your eye corners red from crying?" 

'Drat!!' - Hikigaya could feel the teasing smirk of his mother even when not looking back. He had miscalculated, the redness went over his head because of his tiredness from the sleepless night.

"Why would I cry over some nightmares? Just some soap got into my eyes when I was washing my face, that's all." - His nonchalant act would've fooled some strangers, but unfortunately for the boy, his lying skill was atrocious in the eyes of his mother as she only scoffed at it lightly.

"Whatever, hurry up or you will be late for school." - That speed of changing topic didn't skip Hikigaya's vitamin-rich eyes. He too, knew that his lie didn't work.

'So much for my decade-worth of character building, time to dig a hole to bury myself, I guess.'

The second part of his mother's urging had pulled him back into reality. 'School, huh.' - He had almost forgotten about school because of the bizarre event last night, now looking back, he wished he had never remembered at all. 

This was because, just two days ago, he had confessed his love to his crush, Kaori Orimoto, over text even. And, the very next day, his confession got leaked by someone, which led to the whole class knowing about it. On that singular day, he had experienced humiliation, rumors, and murmurs while Kaori had received sympathy from everyone. It was as if he was the ugly, creepy monster, and she was the beautiful princess whom he had threatened. Just the thought of it all made his face grimace, his fists clenched tightly, causing nails to dig into his palms. If only others could feel how much he dreaded showing up at school now, perhaps he could skip today altogether.

"I told you to hurry up and you still dare to space out here, and don't even think about skipping school. I know that you're not sick." - As if sensing his mood, his mother had walked up behind him, giving a light smack on the back of his head to wake him up from his daydreaming. 

"Yeah yeah, but where's Komachi?"

"Your sister is a little bit sick this morning so I gave her the day off, now hurry up." 

'Ohhh, the discrimination, and you still told me you have no favorite child. But if Komachi were my child, she would be my favorite too…' - Hikigaya mourned the reality of his place in this household. He could only bite his tongue and get ready under the scrutinizing eyes of his mother.

"Well, I'm off to school."

"Um, be careful on the way, and remember to buy some snacks for your sister when you get back!"

Stepping out of the doorway, Hikigaya felt the morning light hitting his haggard face like the malice of society. Bracing himself for his personal hell, he could already picture the penetrating gazes of his classmates. 'How dreadful.'