9. Loving Ourselves

Ignisia asked Ayana to meditate on the concept of self-love, to really try to understand what it meant to truly love herself. Ayana began reflecting on the ways she was holding herself back, and all the moments she had denied her needs and desires, afraid to stand up for herself.

"Ignisia, what do you mean by loving ourselves? I think I do, but how much of that is maybe just talking and believing that I do?"

"Loving ourselves is about truly accepting and embracing all the parts of ourselves – the good, the bad, and the in between, every colour, every shade, every particle of consciousness, and every feeling that we ever had or will have. It's not about burying our problems or denying our faults, but rather having compassion for ourselves, forgiving ourselves for our mistakes, and allowing ourselves to be fully human. Everything is okay. Everything is you."

"Easily said!" Ayana laughed. "Living as a human on Sanuela, with a complex and ever-morphing personality, in an ever-shifting world is hard enough. On Gaia, everything is even more intense. Being partly angelic is really difficult there. I wouldn't necessarily go again."

"Do you feel fairly treated on Sanuela, my light and my love?" Ignisia questioned, though she could sense Ayana's response in the very same moment.

"Yes, mostly so. I am deeply grateful here, and that makes it easier to be thankful and loving for myself, and for every little precious divine moment."

Ignisia flew one of her beloved figure-eight movements, an angelic symbol to express her endless joy and oneness.

"Ignisia, may I ask you something else…?"

"Always, my light and my love."

"How can I explore loving myself more in a sensual way?"

"I'm glad you asked. By loving ourselves sensually, we can use our imagination to enhance our ability to feel high-frequency love in our body, building up astral tingling, letting waves of inner bliss arise in us. We can also use those energies to break through our barriers, fears, and any guilt or rooted pains that we may have. It is completely alright to use your sensuality as a form of self-healing, Ayana."

"But isn′t that bringing me more into the pain instead of love because I repeat my inner stories again?″

″You may explore all aspects of yourself that crave for inner healing. You can build the arousing energies up, almost until the highest possible point, until you fearlessly surrender them to full love, letting go of any pain and suffering with grace.

After a period of time, you may no longer need to confront these issues in your physical world because you have already successfully released them inwardly. You can process and transform every one of your topics, one at a time.

Just always bring and direct all your fantasies into the inner light of your heart, letting them go, releasing them in light and peace, healing them from the long lineage of your ancestors. This is a good inner work to do, one of the many paths to universal love."

"And in my daily life, in a non-sensual way? How can I love myself even more, with my full heart?"

"You could say more often to yourself that you love yourself. In the morning when you get up, before you eat, when you release your bodily fluids, when you go to bed. You could add more and more times."

Ayana tried it right away, "I love you, Ayana…"

"I love you Ayana," Ignisia echoed her words.

After giving Ayana some time to reflect, Ignisia continued with some more perspectives on self-love.

"You need to always speak and follow your deepest truth – that is the most practical way you can practise self-love."

"Yes, and that's why it's not always easy to do. It takes courage and willingness to be always true to oneself…," Ayana replied.

"But when you trust in yourself, your light and divine guidance – not only today but every day – then you can be sure that it will all work out for the highest good in the end.

Self-love also means that you don't need to be excessively accommodating to the needs of others. That you honour yourself and take your own needs into account. Honour your body and the way it feels. When we give love to ourselves by listening to our bodies, our emotions and soul longings, we become stronger from within."

Ayana smiled at Ignisia. Then, she said in her mind: "I understand. Maybe I am not always aware of my needs. It is not always easy for me to recognize and acknowledge them. And I would rather not be selfish. Aren't desires something bad? How can I find the balance?"

"It is good that you are aware of this. It is indeed not always easy to be aware of our needs and feelings, but we must do it anyway. Desires are not necessarily bad, they can be a force for positive change if they are aligned with your highest good. Finding balance means listening to yourself and trusting your intuition to guide you. Hear the messages from your heart, ask yourself questions, and tap into your inner wisdom. You will be able to find the right balance between fulfilling your needs and desires, and staying in alignment with your highest purpose.

Yes, it takes practice. But that is what self-love is truly about. To learn to be kind and understanding to yourself, to make space for your dreams and needs, and for your innermost calling. To encourage yourself to listen to your body and emotions, and to trust your inner guidance that will drive you toward your own unique path and storyline of your inner prophecy.

It's a journey of understanding and acceptance. All you need to do is take it one step at a time. Grant yourself the freedom to feel and to pay attention. Give yourself permission to connect with your emotions, with your being, and with your internal wisdom. From there, from the enriching depths of your inner love core, you can offer your beautiful gifts freely to others out of genuine love. Then, there is no room for selfishness."

"I guess, the first step is always awareness," Ayana said.

"Absolutely. To be aware of how we feel, how our body responds to certain situations, even through tiny, minimal reactions, like a twitch somewhere. Somatic responses are the body's way of reacting to external stimuli before the conscious mind is aware of the situation. They can be felt in the form of subtle movements, such as a slight flinches, tensing, or blinking of the eyes. These involuntary responses often help us make decisions or provide insight into our emotional state. A somatic response can help us decide whether to approach a situation and if it's safe to do so. It can also inform us of our feelings towards a certain person or situation.

Then comes the question: How do we interpret a twitch at a certain moment? Are we walking our path towards love, or are we unconsciously straying towards fear?"

Ayana pondered this for a moment, then she nodded.

"Yes, that makes perfect sense. I think I can start noticing the little things more, and start making decisions with them in mind. Thank you, Ignisia."

"You are very welcome, my light and my love. I give you my infinite blessings on your journey, whatever choices you make."

"Thank you for showing me how important it is to accept ourselves exactly as we are and to love ourselves in every step. Even if it doesn't seem that way in a certain moment – we need to always remember that we are beautiful inside and out." Ayana said with a smile on her face.

"That's right, my light and my love! Love yourself in every step you take. When you do this, you will be rewarded with peace and joy in your life and this way you will be able to give more to others without feeling drained or worn out," Ignisia said encouragingly. She added, "And you already know the heart centre breathing. They teach that now in the learning circles? How wonderful! When I was a High Priestess, the people of Sanuela weren't so spiritually and energetically developed yet. Then came that big transition phase and you incarnated right into it. Yes, heart centre breathing, in all situations, wherever you are, whatever you feel. You'll be guaranteed to be in love at that moment, swinging in a higher frequency than before."

"That's right, yes! Breathing is something easy yet so powerful – it can help us tap into our inner strength, and it can be such a magnet for changing our love energies." Ayana said.

She was grateful for the inner conversations she was having with Ignisia and signalled this to her, while she silently continued her slow yet steady walk through the caves.

The darkness was never truly black for Ayana; it was always filled with shifting shapes, wavering forms and lines, and occasionally, images and scenes from within her.

After what seemed like a few days in complete darkness, she gained a visual understanding of what it meant to be overflowing with light and love, and she understood why Ignisia kept calling her in such a manner: she beheld bright, sparkling, white light before her eyes, no matter if she closed or opened them.

This light was not coming from anywhere. Ayana turned her head to find the light still in front of her. It was more beautiful than anything she had ever seen before. Intuitively, she realised this was her inner soul light, her light core, her star seed of Mother Goddess Sanuela, shining brightly within her.

The feeling of seeing herself in all her beauty was overwhelming for Ayana. She sank to her knees, tears pouring down. She felt deeply thankful for being shown who she truly was. The light stayed for some time, before it vanished again, and sometimes staying away for longer. But from that first appearance onwards, her inner feeling of love for her light within her always remained with Ayana. This light, this love, this Ayana, would be able to love in a whole different way.