Reviews of High Human in Crossed Worlds - A HP x DxD Fic
High Human in Crossed Worlds - A HP x DxD Fic
DonnutHermit
- Overall Rate
- Writing Quality
- Updating Stability
- Story Development
- Character Design
- world background
I'm being shameless here and giving my own story a review. At least it is not a 5 stars one because I know where it can get better. 4 stars in writing bcs english is not my main laguage, so I still strugle with the vocabulary 5 stars in stability bcs I pretend to realease one chapter per day, at 12h in the webnovel time 5 stars in development bcs I know where I'm going with the story and have a 'script' to get there 4 stars in character because I'm not very good at describing them 5 stars in world bcs is a mix between the sandboxes created by JKRowling and Ichiei Ishibumi, and their worlds are amazing
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The fanfic itself is good, the one writing is abit weird. He/she doesn't know when men of culture are making jokes. Author would reply them so seriously or sometimes felt offended by their jokes...I'm not used to it lol. Also, the author would keep saying it's his fanfic, his rules and won't reply to any nonsense comments. I get it, please don't flex your alpha mentality too much, I might go blind from it! All jokes aside, the fanfic is amazing. I just hope author can relax. Although there are many trolls in this site, many good people are here as well. 5 stars from me, goodluck on your jouney.
The fic itself is not bad, not my cup of tea but not bad. In the first few chapters, there are some minor spelling mistakes but nothing that makes the story unreadable. ("Ok them," instead of "OK then," in Chapter four) My main grievance is how wordy some parts of the story are, and how inappropriate some of the words used by certain characters are. Helena using "evolves" in Chapter one (Not something a 1010 Y/O Ghost should know) really hurts my soul in particular. (Could have used 'changes'?" I'm not a fan of the whole 'explaining of history' thing that goes on, it makes sense in regards to how you've crafted your fic but it is definitely too wordy. The verbal lashing the mc gives to Dumbles in Chapter Four is also too wordy. The Baron? or Fair? (Ghost) explaining the couple's history to the Weasely boys is also too wordy and has a few spelling mistakes. The readers don't need to be spoon-fed information. Orignal: "That person that the headmaster just addressed as 'my boy', is the husband of Selena Sally Ravenclaw, older twin of Helena Hela Ravenclaw, and daughter of Rowena Ravenclaw. His full name is Erik Runes Ravenclaw Lord of Ravenclaw and the Hogwarts castle. He married his wife, Selena when they were 20 year old. Today, he is 1010 years old. And the headmaster just called him 'my boy'." Less wordy: "The person who the headmaster just addressed as 'boy' is the husband of Selena Ravenclaw, twin sister of Helena Ravenclaw. His name is Erik Ravenclaw, and he's over one-thousand years old." (Not a paragraph of useless info.) There is no real need to include most of the information. Helena being Selena's twin implies that Rowena is her mother, no need to write that Rowena is her mother as "TWINS" should say enough about their relationship in one word. "Older" isn't necessary either, no one cares who the older twin is. Arguably it doesn't matter when you are 1010 years old. Including the Mc's full name is also unnecessary, he's lord Ravenclaw it's obvious his last name is Ravenclaw. Him being Lord Ravenclaw is literally yelled by the elf earlier in the chapter so it doesn't need to be mentioned a fifth time... Lord of Hogwarts (*Eyeroll*) obviously it's mentioned a lot and doesn't need to be included in every chapter, it also doesn't need to be mentioned to the students at Hogwarts, they are not your audience, your audience is your readers. Married at 20 Y/O is unnecessary, who cares when they were married? Him being called Lord Ravenclaw should also imply that he is married to Selene... Today he is 1010 years old... Using numbers instead of words is lazy, though I do it myself. This wordiness never ends and makes reading your fic painful. I don't need to be told every single bit of information, most of it should be inferred (Thought of or worked out by yourself) and not rammed into someone's brain via words. Writing is good because a majority of it is up to the imagination, if you are too specific or 'wordy' it makes it much harder to imagine what's happening. Dialogue between characters shouldn't be a paragraph long, do you let someone just stand there and belt a storm of words at your face for a minute? It just comes off as unnatural if you have a 90-word long speech as dialogue. I don't quite have a better way to convey the wordiness, maybe watch stand-up comedy and look at how trimmed their stories are? Comedians don't include useless information in their story's as that makes them un-palatable. Anything that should be guessed or implicitly understood shouldn't be so obviously stated in the story... Sorry if this is explained poorly, I don't know how to better put it into words. Feel free to message me or reply to this comment if you want to talk a bit about wordiness.
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I was confused most of the time i was reading. I mean I expected in the first chapter to read about the mc actually getting reincarnated. But no it starts off 1000 yrs after with his ghostly sister in law and no background information. Just here is the mc and his wives. Where is the harem building the romancing each woman?
It's good at the beginning when Erik is still the mc then the dxd canon cane and *PUFF* Erik became issei's plot armor and like every fanfiction, I read with issei on it the author is a simp for issei like issei this issei that, issei is not even a likable character but oh well author wants author doπ
An interesting story not about Harry Potter but about Rowling's world itself. Chapters are published every day. The characters are interesting and lively. The only downside is that there are only 10 chapters at the moment. Well, the chapters, as for me, are too small, I would like to be 1.5 / 2 times larger (well, it seems to me). I look forward to continuing.
What can be said about this authors story , compelling , beautiful, well crafted . The main character of Eric Ravenclaw slots into the potter verse seamlessly all the small details and backstorys bring this tale to the next level plus being a crossover story with the DxD universe they are blended seamlessly together. Definitely 5βββββ in my opinion!!πππ
It's a good write would definitely recommend the read. The only thing is that it's not for me. Maybe I'll come back to the book later but just from what I've read it is as I said but it just feels like a very slow drawn out nails on a chalkboard. Don't know why it's like that. Something I understand but not a fan of is the constant Dumbles bashing... yes I understand he's done multiple stupid things but just constant bashing is stupid and I hope you do a redemption arc for him cause let's face it he's messed up. Author seems like he has done his research into the world's background and well versed. As for the development of the story I'm not sure why but it just felt like it was dragging by like I was forcing myself even though it was good reading. Maybe it's just me right now and I might enjoy it later but as for now imma drop and maybe pick back up. And I think I remembered author stating that it wouldn't be a catch them all harem but that is just sad for all the ones he doesn't catch so MAN UP AND CATCH THEM ALL!
