If you wanted to be somebody

There is a collar of painful thorns of the past. It pricks me each time I breathe. I remember everything when I see him. It's extremely hard to wake up again after recalling my memories. Everything is fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday.

He takes a step toward, looking at me with some guilt in his eyes. He knew everything. He should have been honest. He should have told me straightforwardly that he knew. What's the point of telling me after the wedding? Did he enjoy pretending to not know? 

"You fucking liar!" I yell at him. "You knew that I married you because I wanted to take you away from Chisa. How do I trust you, Kiyohira? You should have told me. Your words are sweet. All of your actions speak otherwise. You don't lie to people you love. You don't lure them into a marriage. If you wanted me to love you back, you should have started from being honest first. You just wanted to possess me because you were afraid that I would reject you."

"Rie..." He reaches for me with his hand. I move away. If he touches me now, I am going to scratch his face and hit him until he is too hurt to stand up. 

Those words... I am disappointed in myself. I realize that I have wanted to believe them. I thought that he changed. He became a better person.

"I didn't mean to lie to you. You pretended to not remember your kidnappers. So, I went along with it." He blocks my path when I try to leave and grabs my forearms. "I thought that Chisa was easy to handle. I thought that it was okay to let you do what you wanted to do with her if you could find peace. But, that woman came to the wedding and you fainted again. Now, I am afraid for your life. I don't want you to live in hell when you are with me. I want to keep you safe."

"I hate you." I have had enough of this. I find it suffocating to be in the same room as him. "Who are you to protect me?"

He inhales sharply and looks at me darkly. "Who do you think that I am?"

"Nobody," I tell him bitterly. "If you wanted to be somebody, you should have been honest first."

"I am sorry. I should have been honest. I thought that you wouldn't like if I tried to interfere." I try to escape the room again. He holds my arms tightly to keep me still. 

"Then, you should have told me and stopped interfering." I ask him the same question, " Why are you telling it to me now? It hasn't even been a week. Are you that confident that I won't leave you? Kiyohira, you are the same man who will do anything to keep me with you. You would even kill yourself and me if I try to leave."

I will never forget the day he chased me with the helicopter. 

"It's not like that." He pushes me on the bed. "Listen, you are not half wrong. I want to keep you with me. I will do anything to make you fall for me. I will keep telling you that I love you. I know that you will believe me one day. I just don't want a misunderstanding between us. Chisa knows that I know. She might -"

I slap his face. He widens his eyes and stares at me with shock.

"You told me because you were afraid that Chisa would say something or cause a misunderstanding. Kiyohira, this is not a misunderstanding. You lied to me. Why do you think that you love me? I don't feel that you love me. You will do what you want to do. You will lie and cheat to get what you want. You have done this before. That's how you have always been."

He clenches his jaw and lets go of me. We stare at each other silently. There is anger in his eyes, He asks me quietly, "Rie, do you hate that I lied to you and married you or do you hate that I know the truth about Chisa?"

"You still don't get it." 

"What do I don't get?" He grimaces at me. "Didn't you also lie? You said that you married me for my money, but that was not on your mind. Say why would I marry a woman who openly tell me that she wants my money?"

I slap him again and again until he grabs my hand. This thick-headed bastard only thinks about himself.

"Get out. Don't show me your face again. I don't want to live with a man like you."

He walks out of the room with a darkened face. I glance at my red palm that is stinging from the pain of slapping him.