3 Chapter 3

I made my way up the stairs, gliding with a newfound fierceness and strength. I pushed away from the broken and fragile girl from last night to the most profound and darkest part of my mind and soul, and out emerged the lioness that protects her. I marched into the living area to find it empty.

" I made you breakfast." I quickly spun around to face the victim of my anger.

" Fuck your breakfast, you spoilt and inconsiderate little shit," I said as I walked over to him.

" Babe, I'm sorry." He said, trying to meet me halfway and wincing at the volume of my voice. I don't care if I'm too loud for his hangover. I hope his head hurts for the remainder of the week.

" Don't come any closer," I said, stopping him in his tracks. I walked over to him, slowly looking him dead in his eyes. I don't know what I was looking for, regret, and remorse maybe. All I know is that I wanted him to look into the eyes of who he forced himself on last night. He dropped his head, too ashamed to look at me. That's all that radiated off him, shame.

" Fuck you, fuck you!" I yelled and punched his chest, he tried to grab my wrist, but I quickly moved my hand, I hadn't realized what I had done until I did it. I stood there, shocked at my actions, no marks appeared on his face, but the telltale needle pricks that scorched my hands were enough.

I grabbed my hand and stepped back. I looked at the clock and realized that I was going to be late for work.

" I'm sorry-"

" I deserved it; I should have never done that to you, Az. " He said and tried making his way towards me. I stepped back, still not wanting him in my space. He nodded and seized his attempts. I walked away to get ready for the day. I rushed to grab my stuff, thanking God that I was a paranoid freak that always had spare customized shoes in the closet. I fixed my hair and made my way to the kitchen.

Dallas sat on the sofa staring out of space. I opened the fridge and took out what was meant to be his dinner and poured it into my lunch container. I grabbed a protein bar and my water bottle. I walked out the door without uttering a word to him, I hope we can talk about this later, but I'm not ready just yet.

I quickly dropped my bag and made my way over to the barre beside Halle. She looked at me as if she felt sorry for me. Was I wearing the past 12 hours on my face?

" Nice of you to finally join us, Miss Lockhart," Madame said. I sighed, realizing why Hals threw me that look of pity.

" Sorry, Madame," I said, trying not to give an excuse I learned that doesn't work with her. If anything, she belittles your issues.

" If the role I gave you is too much, let me know. Others are just as worthy." She said as she made her way to me. I nodded and held my head straight, maintaining my posture and trying to ignore the little pest. She huffed and walked away. I sighed and cursed under my breath.

" Are you okay?" Hals asked after our warm-up. I nodded before gulping water, feeling my body embrace the cooling liquid.

" Yeah, just had some issues with Dallas," I said while closing my bottle.

" What did he do? Do I have to get my knives?" She asked, making me chuckle. I love her so much. I looked down at her 5ft 3'' petite frame. Her auburn hair pulled into a neat bun like the rest of us, pink heart-shaped lips, with a deep cupid's bow. Long lashes that framed beautiful brown eyes complemented her dusting of freckles. Her entire face screamed innocence, but I swear this girl can fuck you up in a minute.

" Finish admiring me? Quinn wouldn't like that." She said with a smirk.

" Quinn can kiss my ass. You were mine first," I said, making her laugh.

" I like it when you get all possessive, daddy." She said before bursting out with laughter; I can feel the eyes of the other dancers staring at us.

" Stop it, weirdo, and what would you and your little knives do?" I pushed her a little after she calmed down. She placed her hand on her chin as if she was thinking. I knew that in that dark, twisted mind, she already had several torture methods laid out.

" Well, I could make it quick and slash his cheek; we both know how much he loves his pretty little face." She said. I rolled my eyes with a smile.

He was all about appearances; at first, I thought it was because he was a model, but I slowly realized it was more profound.

" You would have to climb a ladder to get to his face." I pointed out; she gasped before smacking my arm hard.

" ouch, you little demon!"

" Just to let you know, miss 2 inches taller than me, I can reach whatever or whoever without a fucking ladder." She said with all the sass in the world.

" Okay, calm down, no need to go all troll on me," I said before slowly moving away from her; her face gradually became red, then it spread to her ears.

" I'm the grumpy old troll." I started singing like the character from Dora. I took off when she made after me. I know I was childish, but I loved it. It was freeing.

" Can you two grow up," Isabel said, drawing Hals attention.

" Can you shut up," Halle said, mocking Isabel's voice. I snickered along with some of the other dancers; she rolled her eyes and went back to her little group of stuck up bitches. Let's say Isabel isn't anyone's favorite, she's mean, and she would kill you to get to the top. I swear this place reminds me of high school; the only difference is that I have a best friend this time, and I'm getting paid to dance. Not begging the teacher to keep me around.

We made our way to the rehearsal room. I already knew from the evil smile on Madame's face that today I might lose all sensation in my feet permanently.

" Shit." I groaned as I stretched my legs out, cracking my toes in the process.

" She is going to kill you for being late," Halle said, stating the obvious; I glared at her before taking my food from her.

"You're welcome," she said with a huff as she got comfortable beside me in the lounge.

" Thank you," I said, grateful that she warmed it up for me.

" I'll accept your apology if we can split our food." She said. I rolled my eyes with a smirk before agreeing. This girl loves Enzo's, so I already knew she would try to get some food.

" So, what happened between you and Dallas?" I knew she was going to ask that, if not today, tomorrow, or whenever she realizes I'm calm enough to talk about it, to speak about it truly.

" Lovers quarrel," I said with a chuckle, suddenly losing interest in my honey glazed baked chicken.

" He cheated?"

" What, no," I said, trying to push away the memory. What if he didn't stop? The only question that ran in my mind since the incident.

" Speaking of the devil." I looked up at her before turning around; he made his way over to us. His head held high, radiating confidence with an after taste of arrogance. Why do I love him?

Do you? My subconscious asked, making my system lose function for a while. I blinked, trying to focus on my surroundings to face my boyfriend's stomach.

" I got you these." He said, handing me a bouquet of beautiful red roses. I'm not a red rose type of girl, and I think they're overrated and overused. I smiled and took them from him before standing.

" Thank you, they're beautiful," I said while smelling at them, trying my best to avoid his eyes. He smiled and kissed my forehead.

" Hey, Halle." He said, to which she gave a slight nod of acknowledgment.

" I'm sorry-"

" Not right here," I said, thinking he was going to detail, Hals would castrate him on the spot. He nodded.

" How about over dinner tonight? I made reservations at Adrienne." He said. I smiled at the glint in his eyes. He loves French cuisine; I honestly just loved food.

" Okay." I sighed and nodded. He smiled and moved to kiss me; I quickly turned my cheek, not wanting him to kiss my lips.

He nodded when he pulled away. He turned, ready to leave, but I grabbed his hand.

" I love you," I said, his eyes shown relief. I don't know why I said it. Was I trying to convince the murmurs of doubt that touched my thoughts?

" I love you so much." He said before I dropped his hand, allowing him to leave.

" How badly did he fuck up for him to come here just to ask you out?" Hals questioned. I turned to look at her with my signature "drop it" look. She shrugged her shoulders and went back to picking at most of my food.

***********

I played with the table cloth under the table. I don't know why I'm so nervous.

" You know what you want?" He asked, looking up from his menu. I barely looked over this thing since the host seated us.

" Yeah, might just get the salade Nicoise," I said, trying to keep my meal light. I shouldn't be eating out two nights in a row. No matter how healthy these restaurants claim to be, most foods added way more calories than I need.

" I can't say sorry enough, Az." He said, using the nickname he gave me when we just started dating; it's been 6 years since that. I don't say anything, listen. I wanted to see it from his point of view, or at least try, but every part of my body feels like molten gold is being poured over me. Being injected into my veins and rushing through my muscles. Part of me wants to get up and walk out. Part of me wants to punch him until there is nothing left.

I want to hurt him. I finally admit.

Dallas or HIM? My inner voice said this bitch has been real mouthy today. I close my eyes, pushing away the memory; I refuse to let that surface. Dallas isn't him; he isn't him.

" I don't know what came over me Az, I know better than that. I was raised better than that." He said while reaching for my hand. I pulled away, not wanting contact right now.

" You probably hate me, and you have every right, dammit Az. I hate myself right now." He said with tears in his eyes.

" You guys ready to order?" The waiter asked before realizing the tense air. We quickly ordered. The waiter made a quick escape, probably suffocating from the energy that radiates from us.

" I love you, Az, I love you so much. I was drunk and foolish." He dropped his head, a few of his curls plopped forward with the action.

" Why would you put me in that position, in that state of mind?" I asked. He sighed and looked up at me, tears escaping his eyes. I felt the droplets run down my face and fall to my clothing, mirroring him.

" You say you love me, so why, why would that even cross your mind. I don't care how drunk you were." I said I got up from the table.

" Please don't go." He said, getting up as well.

" I'm going to the bathroom," I said and walked away. I dashed towards the makeshift haven. I locked the door and walked over to the sink. I looked up at the mirror. Red burning eyes stared back at me but a younger version. She looked so lost, betrayed, and hurt. I shook my head, trying to erase the imagery.

That was the past, that was the past, that was the past. I kept repeating to myself, but the image of that broken girl keeps appearing, playing peek a boo behind my eyelids. I gripped the counter, trying to hold back my pain, my agony.

" Fucking whore!" Seeped through my barricades, polluting the rest of my thoughts. I whimpered at the sting and tried to even my breathing.

I washed my hands and made a quick exit, trying my best not to glimpse in the mirror. I sat down and looked at my food. It looked good, smelled delicious, but the thought of eating made me nauseous.

" I can pay and ask for a to-go box," Dallas said, probably feeling sick. I nodded and got up and made my way out of the restaurant. I don't have his keys, but I just wanted to be alone. I took a lung full of the cold night's breeze. The chill feeling good against my boiling skin.

I heard the familiar beep indicating the door was open. I slid in and rested my head against the window—the action bringing back memories of my mom's funeral. I chuckled once, then twice before I knew it, I was full-blown laughing, I laughed so hard my voice came out hoarse, and tears ran down my face. My laughing died down, and I stared at the ceiling of the car.

" You know what's so fucked up about this whole thing is I'm starting to believe that I deserve everything that has happened to me," I said with a bitter chuckle." Maybe I was some monster in a past life, and this is my punishment. An absentee father, a mother who was just as missing, a childhood that was literally shit. And, now a boyfriend who tried to rape me, history sure knows how to repeat itself." I said, anger seeping through my words and latching onto the spaces in the car, making it difficult to breathe.

" I'm sorry." He said, and started the car.

I didn't want his apology. It just shouldn't have happened.

" I'm sleeping in the guest room," I said and turned away from him again.