Yet Another Unfortunate Day

There was something in front of me, cold and bright. My body felt heavy to me.

Then, it came; suffocation. It felt like I was underwater with a dozen tumbling mountains pressing me down.

'Oh shit', I thought as I struggled to breath. I could feel myself flaying my hands around in a desperate attempt to stabilize my breathing. By the time I had calmed down, I was drenched in sweat.

'I'm alive'.

"I'm alive", I said out loud again to remind myself.I moved my hands around to feel them. It felt a bit stiff but otherwise fine.

I slowly sat up and leaned on the bed post. I sat there in silence, staring out the open window, noticing how tiny dust particles filtered into my room along with the sunlight.

[Sigh]

Honestly, I was relieved to have this little episode of mine , come to an end, but a part of me was disappointed that it had ended.

' The only time I feel alive is when I'm on the verge of death or in my case in an anxiety -induced-verge-of-death-state. Anyways, I hope you're proud of the person I've become', I scoffed inwardly at them, all the while maintaining a blank face.

Every time this happens, it's only me and these walls that truly understand the gravity of my mind, that's always at war.

I'm terrified. I'm thrilled. I feel indifferent.

I feel so much that it hurts.

'AHHH', I screamed in my head as I dragged my sweaty hands over my face.

"It's 7:30 , WAKE UP!! ", I heard mom yelling from the kitchen.'Oh, I could already tell how my day is going to be, but I'm just not sure how bad it will be', I groaned, my mind cooking up various scenarios that could make me feel worse. "I'M AWAKE!!!", I yelled back.

"Hah, so annoying", I muttered under my breath with a mirthless smile that would've surely creeped them out."Welcome to the land of the livi- what the hell!!?, what are you smiling at like an idiot, bro?", my little sister exclaimed, as soon as she entered our shared room, before rummaging through her clothes in her navy blue uniform. "The usual", I replied with a slight smirk, which I know annoys her. As if confirming my thoughts, she turned around with an annoyed glare before resuming her frantic search with a slight huff.'Geez, Does she have eyes at the back of her head or something?', I wondered.

I sat there in silence, observing how tense she was and wondered about what must've made her panic.

I asked, "What are you looking for?".

"My sports jersey; 'cuz I have practice today", she replies with a 'duh' tone.

'Sassy much', I thought as I resist the urge to bang my head in annoyance. 'Can't she be silent in her search, what a bother', irritation welled up inside me.

"Hah, it's upstairs", I replied, irritation evident in my tone as I urged her to leave me alone as soon as possible.

She turns around to fixate me with a death stare or so she calls it, in an attempt to scare me.' Sadly for her, it is nothing more than an attempt ', I mused in mild amusement." You could've have told me a bit earlier, don't you think", she said through clenched teeth."Oh my, I didn't know", I shot back, my accent thick with sarcasm. "Hey, I don't wanna deal with you shit first thing in the morning!", she hissed in a low voice.

I silently got up and left the room before she could say another word. 'Gosh does she have to be this annoying '. I went straight to the washroom and heaved a sigh of relief. 'Never gonna start an argument first thing in the morning again', I vowed to myself.

I moved towards the mirror and took a look at myself. I had dark circles around my eyes, which of course is caused by sleep deprivation. I sighed in exhaustion as I thought about all the things I have to do today. It's the college sports day today and another day of extremely mentally taxing works called social interaction.

I shook my head to get rid of these thoughts and washed my face ,brushed my teeth and did my business before getting out of the washroom.

I walked into the dining room just in time to see dad packing his stuff for office and rushing out. "Bye bye, see you", he called out rather enthusiastically upon seeing me. "Bye", I responded without much emotion, though I doubt he noticed not that he ever noticed anyway. I took a look at the time. 'It's 7:45, I've enough time, I suppose '.

I went outside and sat in the balcony to....' I don't know, um.... to watch....?' I just sat there thinking absolutely nothing. Just me, the birds and peace. Until my dearest little sister broke my ideal habitat.

"I'm leaving!!", sh yelled out, rushing to out on her shoes. I sneaked a peek at the clock. " Damn, what were you doing all this time!? You're gonna be late now!", vaguely feeling that I would have to take her to school.

" The food was not ready", she shot back not meeting my eyes. 'Ok, now she looked guilty as fu-. No! No cursing first thing in the morning!'. "More like you wasted your time, dancing in the bathroom", mom chipped in from the side. 'Ah, so that was it', l chuckled. "Bye-bye", she ran off, as if afraid of getting scolded.

Mom and I looked at each other before bursting out laughing at how she ran off like a headless chicken. After that, she went inside urging me to take a bath. "Do I have to?", I grumbled halfheartedly as I stepped into our garden.

As I stepped into the garden I noticed something off. My baby was nowhere to be seen!! I stood there in shock for a moment before scrambling around the garden to find her. Ten minutes later I found her under the mango tree, looking every bit in despair with a deathly aura surrounding her.

"Oh my baby, what happened?", I felt my heart tighten as I approached her.