1 Chapter one

I sat by the stool near one of the windows in the kitchen, staring at my phone for the one hundredth time today.

I heaved a sigh as I adjusted my glasses, it had been over a month now and still, there was nothing. Was there something I had not done right? I had made sure I did everything to please them, what was I possibly missing?

"Lily! Where are you?" I heard my mother's voice from the counter. We were at her small bakery shop. The other workers in the kitchen stared at me, and then I finally rolled my eyes before responding. I did not normally do that, but frustration took its toll on me.

"I am here mom," I said with a sad and low voice. I could not even hide how I felt at this point.

She soon came to the back and when she saw my expression she sighed. Not saying a word, she walked over to where I was seated and wrapped her arms around me gently. She said nothing but continued to rub my back in a comforting and soothing manner.

"Do not worry baby, things will be fine. I am sure you passed." My mother said as her hands still moved in circles on my back.

I sighed for the second time, that was the problem. I knew I had passed, not to be cocky but there was no way that I hadn't. I had spent all night studying, I hardly slept, and I did my best to make sure my results were clean, so what now? What was the matter?

"I know Mom, but why have they not gotten back to me yet?" I asked her as I tried to push back the tears which were gradually working their way to my eyes. I did not want to cry, it was not the time for that at all, it would make mom feel bad and that was the last thing I wanted.

"Baby listen to me,it is an Ivy league school we are talking about here. They are very busy, which does not help the fact that 99% of the kids there are rich. Of course, they would take their time in sending an admission form to you when you applied for a scholarship." My mother said as she sighed again.

I could tell she was hurt, and she remembered him. That was the last thing I wanted, to remind her of that horrible man. I could not.

"Yes Mom, I am aware," I said as I stood up, I did not want to sulk. Even though I felt like a dying fish, and I would much rather just crawl into my bed and use my pillows to press my head, I decided not to make a big deal outta it.

This was not the first time I was not getting what I wanted, although this was the first time it made me feel like I was dying.

"Are you sure you are an okay baby? You can go home." She said as she stared at me with caution. Her eyes seemed to be glued to my hands so I looked down.

My hands were shaking so much, this was the worst part about having anxiety. Any little thing triggered mine, and mom would never stop blaming herself for it.

"Do not worry mom. I have not even been rejected yet, plus I am a big girl okay? I am 18 years old." I said as I smiled at her, putting my hands on my back.

"Do not give me that, you are not fine at all. Why would your hands be shaking if you were? I know what is wrong baby is..you need to rest. Go home now." She said to me in a Stern voice and I groaned.

I knew she would say this, my mother was the exact definition of if worry was a person. She made a big deal out of something so small and minor.

"But mom…" I started to say, but she did not allow me to say much before she cut me off once more.

"Do not even start." She said as she looked at me, with her face mixed with something that looked like both anger and sadness.

Sighing, I walked out of the kitchen to the front, took my bag, and left.

~~~~~~~

I walked down the street as my mind wandered far, ever since it was just mom and me, things had been so hard on her. I did not want her to have to worry for me like this, it made me feel so much like a Jerk.

I heard a sound from my phone, signifying I had just gotten a notification. I brought my phone to my face to check, it was an Instagram notification.

I saw it was *Anna Taylor's post notification*. Why did I always get a notification when she posted? It was almost as if Instagram was trying to mock me.

Anna Taylor was the prettiest girl I knew, she used to go to my Highschool till we both graduated. She was your typical rich princess who had her daddy deliver everything to her, and as you can guess she was in Harvard.

I hissed in annoyance and jealousy, as I kept staring at her picture. She had posted it just 8 minutes ago and she already had 500 likes and 100 comments.

She was lucky, she got everything she wanted to be handed over to her meanwhile people like me had to suffer so hard to get it. Ever since I knew her, she had never lacked. Her father was the CEO of one of the biggest companies in the country, so she never lacked anything.

I felt tears gather up in my eyes, but I blinked them away as I shoved the phone into my pocket and continued my walk home. I did not want to allow myself to cry over her so easily, that was embarrassing. By the way, there was no use being jealous of her. She was perfect, while I was the poor, ugly nerd.