His regrets

We were standing in the gym, then Wulfsige attacked me. He hit my face with all he had, and I fell down. It hurt a lot, I thought I had lost a tooth or two. Blood was covering all my face and neck. Fortunately, my nose didn't break. I, who never gave in to pain, was struggling there. If he was supposed to train, then why did he hit me to death?

His gaze was piercing me, he was looking at me with such serious eyes to make me realize how serious and furious, the situation was.

I was still on the ground trying to stop my nose from bleeding, then he came near me and lifted my head with hair in his hands: This happens to you if you lose your attention. You mustn't be paying attention to the dirt but the job you're given.

I was startled about how he found out. His attitude didn't scare me but it did give me goosebumps.

Wulfsige: You might be a girl, but this place doesn't give a damn about your gender. You gotta fight for all, you gotta fight, you hear me kid?

My mouth hurt a lot but I was able to respond him.

Wulfsige: Now get up and attack me.

Then he threw my head, lucky me, it didn't hit the ground. Situation was harder than living in the streets. "lose your attention and your head will be gone" was their motto. I had never learned properly to fight; all I knew was human's weak parts. I held my hands in front of my swollen face, my eyesight was blurry, but I had to or he would charge at me once again.

My feet were shaking, as they moved towards him. He wasn't even on guard. It seemed like he had predicted my movements. The way he looked me in the eye, had blocked me from moving. He was devouring mu soul for real. All my life I thought I was the devil, but I was wrong, he was the real Devil.

I tried to punch him, but each time he escaped, I tried to aim at his feet but he never gave me the permission to touch his feet. Even though I hadn't hit him, I didn't give up and charged at him again. That time instead of dodging, he held my hand and turned me upside down. I could feel the blood gathering in my brain, all the organs in my body were coming out of my mouth. I couldn't breathe properly and he had no intention of letting me go. I wanted to do something but my muscles had nothing in them anymore. I was still struggling, and no progression.

I couldn't see his face nor hear him anymore, then I felt a heavy pressure on my mind and body, and I felt nothing afterwards. I was out for several ours then I opened my eyes and found myself lying on a bed in a new place with an IV in my hand. My memories before my epilepsy were not clear but I could remember that I had fainted.

My first day of training was harsh and too much foe what I could handle, but what choice did I have? I had to become stronger. My whole body was in pain and I couldn't move it. My face was swollen and my eyesight were not in an indefinable situation. I tried to look around with those eyes of mine, but nothing was helpful, I couldn't even guess.

As I was waiting, Jeremy came in. As soon as he came in, he started to say: Oh no! I told him to take it easy, that beast never takes it easy.

I tried to talk to him but my face was not helping, he was aware of my situation so he said: No you don't need to answer me, I knew everything. I'm sorry if things were hard for. I should've trained you myself. How could he do such a thing to the precious body of a girl.

He was full of regrets and anxiety. I didn't try to comfort him, because I didn't know how. I just kept on looking at him. He kept on looking at his watch, it seemed like he had some important meeting to attend and he didn't want to leave. Then with his worried voice, he said: Raven, I have a meeting right now but I'll come back afterwards. And you're in my house, feel free to look around if you had the strength to do, if you need anything, use that phone beside your bed. Rest well.

He left and I became alone. Neither Dilan nor Wulfsige came in, I didn't know other people there and expecting those two to show up was completely hopeless. I closed my eyes and slept for a while, and when I woke up, Jeremy was beside my bed reading some book. He seemed like the type to enjoy reading books, since he spoke well and no sign of discourtesy was seen in his behavior even though he was a criminal. My face had become better and I could move its muscles easier, and my eyesight had gotten a lot better. I could see his worried face clearly, why was he so obsessed with me? I was just a random person he took in from the street but he was showing such kindness. He was way too kind for a criminal who killed people.

I was able to talk so I said: Did I faint?

Jeremy: Yes, yesterday on your first training session…

-Yesterday?

Jeremy: You were asleep the whole time, don't worry about anything, you're free to rest here until your recovery. As someone in charge of you, I have to fulfill my duties.

-I didn't know it felt painful.

Jeremy: What?

-It was a long time since I had felt pain. And it was beyond what I had experienced before.

Jeremy: What do you mean? Were you unable to feel before?

-I don't know but my body reacted but my mind didn't consider it as pain, I don't know how to put this, like umm…

Jeremy: Your body and soul were separated.

-Yeah, like that.

Jeremy: Feel free to cry over your pain, because the path your taking is hard.

-I know.

Jeremy: Our little talks have become a lot better. You do listen to me after all.

-Well you're gonna nag me about it, so I have to show some improvement.

Jeremy laughed crazily, then said: You never stop amazing me with your unique comebacks. The doctor told me clearly to let you rest for a while, I can't get him, a sec before you leaving, he took a liking towards you, did he drink something unusual?

-No, he wasn't drunk. It's fine.

Jeremy: No it's not. Value yourself more than that.

-I value myself but right now, I don't think I can think about such thing, I have to become stronger or the world will bury me alive.

Jeremy: Don't you think that it was a better option to become a nurse instead of the exact opposite of a nurse?

-How can I save people when I hate them?

Jeremy: Do you really hate them?

-Of course, I don't see any reason not to confirm it.

Jeremy: Then why did you quit?

-If there's a nurse who doesn't care about the patient, she's taking care of, wouldn't it hurt such innocent people? The occupation's ethics will be questioned; I can't do such a horrible thing to them.

Jeremy: And you insist on saying you hate them, while you're going through such length just save the ethics!?!

-Don't get the wrong idea, I only think of them as humans while others are inhuman. They are different than the usual people we talk about.

Jeremy: Fine, I give in. Can you move your body?

-Yeah, it's much easier now.

Jeremy: Ok, then how about helping with some paper works.

-I understand nothing about business.

Jeremy: Don't worry, I'll teach you the tricks.

He brought his papers and started to teach me how to manage them all, it wasn't that difficult as I thought it might be. We did tons of arrangements that day. Jeremy seemed happy about me helping him, he was doing his best to cheer me up by showing me I was useful. I didn't know if the subject was easy or he really had his own tricks. He moved his fingers and his pen on the papers as if he was casting a spell. He was really made for the position of a leader. He was heartwarming, like a mountain behind you who would protect you from the sudden attacks of the neighbor. I was struggling to find the right way to describe the feeling that was flowing in my body, but no matter how I tried hard, I couldn't find the right words. But I can describe it now, which is too late.