Of Realizations and Goodbyes

A couple of days passed thus for Kabir and Ruhani, in a snowy, dreamy blur. Somehow their days and nights had merged. Alone in that cabin, cut off from the whole world except for each other they created their own world, one which only belonged to them. They never ran out of things to do, to talk about. During the day, after fulfilling mundane tasks they talked more and more about their lives or played silly, fun games in the snow like building a snowman. The nights, they spent cocooned in each other's embrace. For Kabir, this was the closest he had ever felt to a person but Ruhani's words of never seeing each other again when they got out of the cabin always prodded the back of his mind. He found himself fighting desparately for control, consciously trying to keep away from the final fall, unconsciously knowing the fall had been sealed when she threw that apple at him. He chuckled humorlessly. A damned apple of all things, and he was a goner.

For Ruhani, the ease and comfort she shared with Kabir was turning out to be a wonder. It wasn't just about mere attraction. It was the mental connection they had forged within a short time. He was a sensible man, he understood other people. She loved talking to him, and knew she knew she could do so for hours. There was an inherent kindness in him that was as much part of him as adventure was in her. At the core of it, he was not just a gentleman but a very gentle human being. He was also, as she had observed, fiercely loyal and protective of his loved ones. She at times allowed herself what it would be like to experience that kind of love and devotion but immediately chastised herself. There was also a hint of inner steel beneath his easy going exterior, which she had only caught a glimpse of when she talked about their current arrangement. She had a feeling that his temper would not be vicious or hot- it would be freezing, ice cold and he would shut everyone out, not allowing anyone near- as much as in punishment as in care not to hurt them and only hurt himself- and this realization made her, often used to cruelty and hot tempers, want to hug him and cry. He preferred to suffer himself rather than making anyone else suffer.

They filled in the remaining gaps of the details of each other's lives they didn't know yet. Kabir told her about his religious beliefs- which were very rational and liberal as his dad was a Kashmiri Pandit and his mom a Muslim. He had grown up respecting and celebrating both religions. His mom and dad's love story was also very inspiring- in the midst of the Kashmiri pandit exodus in the 90s in Kashmir, his dad's family had been given refuge by his mom's family- humanity prevailing over hatred. His Nana was a retired Indian army Colonel, so he was aware of the army culture too and deeply respected it. His parents' families were old family friends and his parents were thus childhood friends. The story warmed her heart.

When he asked about her background, she smiled wistfully and narrated her tale- her parents had had a simple arranged marriage, and she had lived all over the country because of her dad's job but the longest in Bombay. She loved the fact that her dad had no qualms about her mother working after marriage and raised his daughters liberally.

Thus, with their never ending talks, cozy cuddles and dances, a few days passed.

Few days later

Kabir was chopping wood, whistling away, the radio on at a low volume. Ruhani was still asleep, when the words on the radio news caught his attention. "The blizzard seems to have passed, roads and flights are now open in Leh, but travel with caution" The announcer said. Kabir sucked in a deep breath. Ruhani was just opening her eyes and heard the news then. They stared at each other in a trance, knowing that this was the end of their timeout from the world. It was now time to go back to real life. The pain in his chest irritated Kabir, while Ruhani blamed sleepiness for the heaviness in her eyes. They avoided each other's gaze for a while before she finally said "We should get going..we can get to main Leh first then to the airport. Roads are now open. You ready?" He breathed deep. He wasn't. He wasn't sure he would ever be. "Yea sure why not..let's just eat and tidy up here..then you can leave."

Ruhani frowned. "Come with, on the bike. How will you get out of here alone? It will take a while to arrange transport..and it's a waste when we already have a vehicle." She told him. He avoided her gaze, chopping the wood harder than necessary. "Its ok Ru, I can manage." He said, trying for lightness. She sighed in annoyance. "Just shut up and come with me. Idiot." That made him smile.

"So eager for a last few hours with me, sweetheart?" He winked. She chuckled. "Whatever helps go to sleep, honey. But I definitely WILL miss you. The last few days were beautiful." The words came out of her mouth, trembling. Kabir stopped chopping, realising he didn't need the wood any longer, and also because his damned hands were shaking. "Let's prepare." He whispered. After an hour, they were both ready to leave. Tucking the last of their luggage behind them, they reached to close the cabin door together, with no awkwardness, as if bidding a formal goodbye to their sanctuary with mutual agreement. Their hands linked and lingered on the wooden door together before they pulled back and backed off, walking away.

Ruhani gestured for Kabir to put on the spare helmet properly and he did. Seeing the bike and being able to ride again brought a smile to her face. Kabir misunderstood it as happiness at getting away and became annoyed. She snapped her fingers at him, seeing him lost. "Come. Sit. And hold on tight to me, don't let go." She winked at him. Hands in pockets, he regarded her with an intense gaze. "I can't promise that, Ru. I mean I will have to let go at some point." He said, never breaking eye contact. The meaning of the words was not lost on her. Avoiding his eyes she said. "Hold on till it's time to let go, then. When it's safe to let go." He nodded. "Safe to let go according to you. Ok. Got it. That's what will be done." Ruhani frowned again, puzzled by his attitude. "Kabir.." He cut her off, sitting behind her. "Let's go, Ruhani. I will hold on." He held her tight around the waist, and her breath hitched. Gulping hard, she started the bike, and they zoomed off, leaving the cabin behind empty.

The cold wind hit both of their faces, like a slap from reality after a magical interlude. Kabir sighed at that in resignation and nestled in closer, leaning his cheek on her shoulder. Ruhani smiled a bit, for some obscure reason feeling warm again even amid the cold. However, her stomach still felt a bit unsettled as Kabir was oddly quiet during the ride, just seeming content to close his eyes resting his head on her shoulder. A couple of hours later, she stopped the bike to fuel up on petrol. When she moved to get off, she realised he had dozed off on her shoulder. Rolling her eyes and chuckling, she gently shook him awake. "Up, Kabir. Get up. Not the time to sleep." He mumbled something incoherent and fell silent again. She sighed. "Kabir! Up!" She said louder in his ear this time, and then squealed the next second as he tugged on her ear. "Hey!!" "Up up kya hota hai.. I'm not a dog woman" he said mock angrily and tugged at her hair hard. Her eyes flashed murder and sensing the danger he jumped out of the bike to run away. Cursing, she hurriedly put on its stand and raced after him, determined to get revenge, not before informing the amused petrol attendant to fill in the fuel on her bike. That would take a couple of minutes, and she was gonna put the time to good use.

As he ran away, Kabir felt oddly free. He knew Ruhani was chasing him and that made him laugh. He ran in the opposite direction as he heard her footsteps nearing, abruptly stopping when he noticed an ancient looking wooden pillar infront of him, gazing at it in wonder. That was all the opportunity Ruhani needed. She jumped on his back, tackling him but ended up making them both fall down. He was laughing again. "Get off me, monkey." She narrowed her eyes and gave him 3 solid thwacks on his chest, a revenge for each offense. He tried to hold her hands but his shaking laughter slowed him down. After a while she started laughing too and he grinned and clutched her closer.

"Wah, wah!! That was awesome!" A voice startled them both and they looked up to see a small 10 year old boy with a toothy grin beaming down at them. Puzzled, they got up. The boy continued to grin. "Kafi entertaining ho uncle aap aur aapki wife." Ruhani gasped while Kabir threw his head back and laughed. She punched his arm and was turning around to explain to the kid when he caught her hand and whispered "Let his assumption stay, we shouldn't traumatize his poor soul by telling him about friends with benefits at a tender age." She scowled and hit him again, muttering "No more benefits for you" and he chuckled before turning back to the curious tiny tot. "Thanks kiddo." He said and raised his hand for a high five which the kid gladly gave.

"Are you here alone?" He asked with concern and the kid smiled, shaking his head. "I live there. I come here to play." He said, pointing to a house near the pillar. Kabir smiled and ruffled the boys hair, not noticing the tender look on Ruhani's face. She quickly gathered her wits and bent down to the boy's level beside Kabir, poking his nose. "Aap bahut cute ho. What's your name?" The boy blushed and looking down with a shy smile, said "Ibrahim" Kabir chuckled at Ruhani's effect on the kid. The kid looked up again, an idea forming in his head. "You want me to click your photo? You show it to your family when you go back." Before they had time to react, he had procured Kabir's phone and held the camera up. "Now come close and smile" Startled, they did as he said. The kid frowned. "Not right looking." They were puzzled. "How to make it right?" They asked. The kid grinned and snapped his fingers. "Aunty you climb on his back again." Ruhani agreed with an evil smile and jumped up again before he had time to think and pulled his hair. He threw his head back to look at her with a dangerous grin while she giggled and at that moment the kid clicked the pic. "Perfect." He grinned. They realised the photo was over and seeing it, nodded in silent agreement. It really was perfect. The kid handed the phone back with a smile. Kabir caught him and lifted him up in his arms. The boy giggled. Giving the phone to Ruhani, he said "We can't leave without clicking a picture with our hero here."

While Ibrahim blushed, Ruhani smiled and clicked a selfie of the three of them, Ibrahim in Kabir's arms. Afterwards he set the boy down. After giving an impulsive hug and "You guys are cool, keep loving each other" the kid dashed off as he heard his babysitter calling for him. Kabir just smiled sadly, while Ruhani looked stunned. "Come on. Time to go." He tugged at her hand and she meekly followed. The bike was fuelled by them and they set off again, now in complete silence. Soon, they reached the airport, in time.

Ruhani's flight was scheduled for 1.5 hours later. Kabir was staying back for 2 days to meet his relatives nearby before returning to Delhi. Ruhani asked him to share the pics of theirs and with Ibrahim, but asked him to do so with bluetooth. It didn't escape his notice that she was making sure they had no means to contact each other. He smiled sadly. He would do well to remember that this was nothing more than a bit of novel holiday romance to tide through being struck in a snowstorm with no one else. It was not some fairytale where they would magically fall in love within 2 weeks. Neither of them believed in love. Right? Right.

He snapped out of his thoughts when the announcement for check in of the Mumbai flight started. Ruhani turned to face him with a smile he didn't notice was trembling at the corners. "That is me I guess. Wow. This has been such an amazing experience, all thanks to you. Thank you for everything. All the best for everything you do Kabir. My best wishes will always be with you." And his heart sank, at the briskness and the formality of her tone. He didn't need her bloody gratitude, as if she were thanking a govt officer who helped her out with some documents. He shook his head to clear that analogy, a side effect of having a lawyer for a father. When she saw him doing that, she grinned genuinely. "Also thanks for the fun. You are a crazy riot and made this whole experience a breeze." She stepped forward with that, intending to give him a goodbye hug but he stuck his hand out, shaking hers firmly. "Thanks for everything too. Good to meet you. Excellent service, great views, good hospitality, 10/10 would recommend. Have a great day ahead." And he stepped back, his face blank. She was bewildered but then gave him a scowl. "Stop being sarcastic now." He glared back. "I don't know how to be anything else."

She rolled her eyes. This was stupid. She didn't realize that he was purposefully picking up a childish fight to make the separation easier, using his fallback defense mechanism- humor. The hurt was searing and burning his insides and he was trying his best to ignore that, and the sudden dampness that was threatening to come to his eyes. He gave her a tight smile. "It's almost boarding time Ruhani. Time to go. Take care..I- just take care of yourself,ok? Goodbye." He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and turned around. It took everything in him, but he turned around and started walking back, blinking his eyes rapidly, his chest feeling empty and hollow, determined not to gaze back.

He was so concentrated on that that he was stunned when he felt a force hit him from behind. Ruhani. She had run behind him and was hugging him tight from behind, shaking a little. Bewildered, he turned around and her arms came around him like a vine. It might be wistful thinking but it seemed that she didn't want to let go. He hugged her back hesitantly. She didn't pay attention to any of that. After a while, she pulled back and looked up into his eyes, the caramel brown she had come to associate with warmth, kindness and strength. And light. So much light it drove away all her darkness. She knew she would need the memory of these eyes to carry her through her worst days. Throat tightening, she leaned upwards and in a gesture that stunned him to the core, gently kissed his forehead, her lips lingering, as if leaving behind what he knew as a "dua." And with that, she turned around and walked away. He was frozen with shock. He stood absolutely still, eyes turning misty and frame shaking, as he watched her walk away to the building till she disappeared from his sight. And life.