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He Hates Me, He Loves Me Not

After being kicked out of the prestigious Wester Family, Kaiden has no choice but to work at a pheromone nightclub to moderate his excessive pheromones, or else he might spontaneously go into heat. On the night of his 19th birthday, he falls into the arms of the Alpha known to hate all Omegas, Damon Lin. The next day, the cold and ruthless Alpha offers him a deal: be his pheromone partner for a year and he will be set for life. What is Kaiden supposed to do when he can’t help falling in love with an Alpha who hates him, especially when said Alpha has a Beta lover? -- Damon Lin, the Alpha head of the Lin Finance Group, has a problem: it’s been three years since his last rut. His options are either to live with the sexual frustration or find his ‘fated mate,’ but where on Earth can he find an omega with 99.9% compatibility with him? On a night out with his friends, he drunkenly follows a scent that tantalizes his whole being and carries the solution to his problem to the backseat of his car. The next day, he offers the Omega a deal: be his pheromone partner for a year but don’t he dare be mistaken, he will never love him. Is it too late for regrets once he loses his fated mate? -- WARNING: This is BL omegaverse with R-18 scenes, unhealthy relationship dynamics, mentions of past trauma and abuse, and lots of angst.

99blueroses · LGBT+
Not enough ratings
96 Chs

Lucid interval

Where is he?

Kaiden can't see anything and his body feels it's being stepped on by a thousand elephants. He can't move, but he hears something— or someone. They're whispering, hush voices over his slumbering body.

What are they talking about?

He hears his name, but nothing aside from that. The rest sounds like he's submerged deep underwater.

Ah, he hears it again. It's a female voice, strange but not unfamiliar.

"Why — — not awake — — twenty-four hours — …" He's definitely heard that voice before, but where?

Is she talking about him? She sounds worried.

Why? Kaiden's fine. He's here.

Is she worried because she doesn't know?

That's not good. He needs to tell her, he needs to wake up and talk to her, but he can't. His eyelids are too heavy.

The voices fade, their owners leaving.

No, Kaiden shouts in his mind, stay! Don't leave him alone in this strange place.

With desperation mixed with determination, Kaiden does his best to push through the darkness. It's hard but he can manage; he can do this.

He doesn't know how long he stays like that, fading in and out of consciousness, but when he succeeds in opening his eyes, he is greeted by bright lights and … amethyst eyes.

--

Damon won't be here if Lucy didn't tell him to. He would have been in his office, in an international video conference, or in a dinner meeting. He would be anywhere but here, sitting still in a hospital room while the night goes deeper.

Or at least, that's what he tells himself.

Because if he would not have been here—if he doesn't /want/ to be here, then why can't he leave? What's stopping him? Why has he been staring at the sleeping and softly breathing Omega for the past few hours?

He has better things to do, Heath doesn't even know he's here, but he can't keep his eyes away until he makes sure that— that…

What is he watching out for?

He doesn't know. There's this uncomfortable feeling inside him, the itch of a wound scabbing—an unnamed emotion. He doesn't know but the boulder in his chest won't be lifted until he figures it out. Maybe if he sees those red eyes, he'll find the answer.

But when will Kaiden wake up?

Damon looks at him again, not that he's been looking anywhere else. The boy in the bed is thinner than when he first saw him. His hair is longer, obviously, but there's no luster to it. Even his skin, which should be glowing with the vigor of youth, is pallid and pale. Kaiden doesn't look good, but even though he's sick, his features are still attractive.

Damon tries to remember the last time he had a good look at the Omega. It's been months since he actually observed him like this, up close with both of them fully clothed.

Was it before Uriel left? Kaiden was heavier then, and dare he says even a bit chubby. He looked like he was well-taken care of, like a proper young master, nothing like this.

What was it again? A breakthrough heat? His body forcing a release because of prolonged pheromone suppression?

How troublesome, Damon sighs to himself.

With all his thought and attention on the Omega, he doesn't miss the way the latter's fingers twitch. He's on his feet at the first sign of Kaiden stirring awake. Leaping quickly from the chair, Damon is hovering above Kaiden's fluttering eyelids before the Alpha is even aware of his actions.

Kaiden's head moves slightly to the side, towards the window, mouth parting open as if to speak. It doesn't take long before his eyes are open, hazy and unfocused underneath the pain medication he's in.

"Can you hear me?" Damon asks to try for a response.

The Omega blinks at him—slowly, going back to sleep.

Damon can't let that happen now. Kaiden needs to be awake so they can check if he's hurt elsewhere. In a panic, Damon shouts, "Kaiden!"

The word is foreign in his mouth, the syllables a stranger. Is this the first time he called the Omega by his name? Oddly enough, it doesn't sound bad. In fact, it sounds like something he should be saying more.

"Kaiden," Damon says again, firmer this time, "can you hear me?"

Whatever Damon is doing seems to be working because it has Kaiden focusing on him, his head turning to this side.

"Da...mon?" Kaiden's voice is hoarse, probably parched from the hours he slept.

"It's me." Damon gulps the relief bubbling up his throat. "Are you in pain?"

There's a droopy smile on Kaiden's face, making the Alpha wonder if the Omega is truly present. "I knew you would come," he says, the words slurring on his tongue,

Damon, of course, doesn't know what he's talking about, but he has to keep the Omega conscious for as long as possible. With that in mind, he says, "I'm here."

"You saved … me," the words he says are quiet, barely spoken, 'That's the Alpha I … love."

The confession pours down on Damon like a bucket of ice-cold water. He's not ignorant to not know that Kaiden has affection for him but love … love is a strong word. Every fiber of his being rejects it. He can't love an omega, not /this/ Omega, yet somewhere at the back of his mind, in a hidden corner he doesn't want to think about, he—

His thoughts are interrupted by Kaiden's giggling, his soft utterance of, "I love you, Damon … I love … you."

No, he can't be here right now. He needs to go away, to clear his mind.

After pressing the button to call for a nurse, the first thing he should've done moments ago, Damon pretends not to notice how heavy his footsteps are when he leaves the room.

--

There's a lot of medical jargon Kaiden doesn't understand. A middle-aged woman is explaining his condition to him but the words fly above his head.

After about a minute of silence, Kaiden finally admits, "I don't understand." He feels a little shy saying that but what can he do? He has no interest in medicine at all.

"Well … I'm sorry to inform you," she says behind a clipboard and thick spectacles, "but because of the long-term use of inhibitors, your pheromones became imbalanced."

Huh? Hasn't it always been imbalanced? He has a higher pheromone concentration than average.

However, Kaiden doesn't say that, so she continues, "This caused damage to your body, mainly to your reproductive system and, there's a possibility that it might affect your future bonding process."

Kaiden says nothing, trying to absorb the news as best as he can through the shock. He's been warned multiple times before not to let his excess pheromones build-up, something about homeostasis and abnormal production, but he never thought it would lead to this. He doesn't even know that a 'breakthrough heat' is possible.

The doctor lets Kaiden mull in silence. As a doctor specializing in Omega biology, there's a lot she wants to scold the young man about. To begin with, why was he wearing an inhibitor in this day and age?

But she's just a doctor and he's a patient who has been staying at the VIP ward, so she holds her tongue.

Instead, she resumes, "Fortunately, there's nothing irreversible, although it will take regular treatment and a change in your lifestyle before you make a complete recovery."

She checks his personal information again, noting that he's only nineteen. What has he been doing at the peak of his youth to have signs of over-exhaustion?

This can't continue, he needs to rest, so she says, "I recommend you stay here for at least a week, even if you're feeling fine. Your blood pressure is low and you were also dehydrated when you were brought in. It would also be great if you gained weight so you can recover faster."

Kaiden nods. He can't do anything else right now either.

Seeing the patient agree obediently, she continues. "Aside from that, you need to be on birth control if you're sexually active. It is dangerous for you if you get pregnant within the year or before you recover. Male omega pregnancies are already full of risks. In your condition, it can be fatal."

He nods again because even if the doctor didn't say it, he'll be put on birth control now that he can't wear the inhibitor anymore. There are still three months left in the contract.

"Alright, it seems you understand." She offers him a small smile. "You can walk around and do other light activities, but do not overexert yourself. Inform us immediately if you feel dizzy or fatigued. We'll be monitoring your condition until you're more stable."

He smiles back. "Thank you, doctor."

"We just want you to be well," and with that, the doctor and her team leave.

Kaiden sits back on the bed to ponder over the doctor's words.

So he can't get pregnant, huh?

Not like he wants to, not right now anyway, but it's ironic to think that fulfilling the purpose his second gender evolved in the first place is the same reason that might lead to his death.

Isn't it funny?

Hello, everyone! It's me, again, with a little PSA.

Regarding comments with "bad" words, do know that although you can see it, others cannot. I asked Webnovel why this happens and they emailed me back saying, "there are some comments that may be deleted automatically if it contains a word that is banned or censored."

I tested this myself and found that even one or two misspellings (e.g., d*mn) cause the comment to disappear. However, almost full censoring (e.g., d***) does not.

Please be wary of this.

I really look forward to seeing your comments and reactions to every chapter. Give me your sadness, anger, joy, relief; I welcome them all.

See you in the next chapter!

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