14 Chapter - 14 : Hermione's thoughts

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Hermione was stuck in a quandary, puzzling over a problem that lay in entirely new territory for her.

She was wondering if a boy liked her. Specifically, she was wondering if Harry liked her.

The girl had to admit that she'd had something of a schoolgirl crush on him ever since reading about him in so many of her books. But the boy she'd met on the Hogwarts train had not lived up to any of her expectations, so it had been easy to suppress those feelings. She'd cast them aside completely by the time Halloween rolled around and Ron said those horrible things to her.

That had landed her alone in a bathroom when a troll came rampaging through the castle.

Hermione had looked up the laws and customs involving Life Debts, and she owed one to Harry for having saved her then. Ron came to her assistance only because Harry dragged him, and Ron was the one who'd caused her to be in danger in the first place. You couldn't endanger someone's life and then save it from a situation you'd created and earn a Life Debt. That would be silly, and lead to all sorts of problems.

Of course, there was very little that wasn't silly in the wizarding world, but that one, at least, seemed to be based on rules of magic, and those made sense, most of them. You couldn't cause a problem, and solve it, then expect a reward - the causing and the solving equaled out. If anything, there would be lingering blame from the causing, as the upset and turmoil that created before it got solved left a lingering minus credit.

Harry, on the other hand, never did or said anything to hurt her feelings, that day, or indeed any other. The kind boy was oblivious as anything, clueless and shy to a fault. It made her feel brave and outgoing just being around him, by contrast, which was an odd feeling, actually.

All of which kept distracting her from her point, although the sight of him riding that troll like it was a bull at a rodeo had done wonders for reviving that sense of wonder she'd first discovered reading about his story.

It gave her shivers still to think of it. That was the single bravest thing she'd ever seen anyone do - and he'd done it for her. She'd been so overcome with her impression of him after that she hadn't been able to stop hanging around him, and Harry had generously accepted her and made her his friend.

She didn't kid herself about Ron. She'd always had people like that around, trying to take advantage of her. All Ron wanted was for her to be his two-legged homework machine, and the legs were optional as far as he was concerned. He had no use for her other than getting around his own work, and his frequent arguments over the stupidest things underscored that.

Really, Ron had only two things he argued about. One was facts, and he was always wrong about those, so it was a wonder that he even tried to argue with her about those anymore. And the other was him just being mean, saying things that hurt her in order to 'take her down a peg' for having been right about all of her facts.

The boy was a leech, and Hermione would not have put up with his constant whining and begging for homework help (he essentially wanted her to study FOR him! Really! The whole point of this was to learn things for yourself! Did he ALWAYS expect her to be around to cast his spells for him? Honestly!) had it not been for that being a prerequisite of hanging out with Harry.

Harry was the most isolated boy she ever knew. He even had more trouble making friends than HER! And if that wasn't an odd statement to make about a celebrity, she didn't know what was. But it was as if he'd been afraid of everyone around him, all of the time, like he'd break if they'd talked to him!

And that was the second time in a row that she'd managed to distract herself from the real issue: Did Harry like her?

Until this summer she would have said: No, not possible.

Ron was lazy and wanted to be carried through life mooching on the work of others. And, until this summer, at least, Harry had been going along on that pattern to emulate his first friend. Neither had discovered the existence of girls yet, nor were they likely to soon.

But then something had changed to have broken that pattern. Harry had woken up to study and started trying hard.

Then there had been that terrifying event on the train, where she'd nearly lost him. For a time there, she'd been certain she had, that he'd be gone out of her life forever, and worry and concern made her impulsive, so she'd hugged him the first time she'd seen him up, awake and alive.

Then he'd swung her around. It'd made her feel... girly.

Hermione was almost fourteen years old. She'd been going through puberty for some time, and was nearly over it. Her figure had rounded out some, not that you could tell through Hogwarts robes, and she had discovered interest in boys, although she knew she was unattractive, so hopelessness had driven out most of her desires to explore that topic.

Harry having picked her up and swung her around had been the first moment she'd truly felt like a young lady who might be desirable to boys, rather than a genderless thing who hung out with boys.

It had been an addictive feeling. Wanting to feel more of it, she'd hugged him again the next day... and Harry had returned it.

Now all of the confusion, wondering about the topic of the male gender, that she had skipped over by dismissing those thoughts and urges came back with a vengeance. And she had to talk about it, thinking it over wasn't doing her any good at all. She just kept going around in circles.

Hermione sighed, figuring it was time she bite the bullet and go swallow her pride to join in those 'giggling in a corner' conversations Lavender, Parvati and their friends were having, discussing makeup tips and so on, obsessing about boys. She'd resolutely avoided them until now, but... sigh.

She'd been a bookworm for a very long time now. It had always been a safe refuge where no one could challenge her. Now... now it looked like it was time to try being a girl.

She hoped Harry appreciated this, even though deep down she was certain he wouldn't. Boys didn't develop those sort of feelings until later than girls, and both boys in her life were substantially younger than her. She felt certain girls were still 'icky' to both Harry and Ron. She knew she was going to be disappointed.

But, at the same time, something in her was desperate to try.

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