81 [~81~]

I haven't written this story in a long time. I've been busy for a long time. I've been trying to forget you for a long time. I don't know how many times I tried not to find out about you.

Hi, old wounds that still become friends.I don't know which one to tell first. Maybe it's been over a year and there's no story here. I just had a big fight with myself to finish in romanticizing this world.

May this year may bring many stories of moving hearts. The first week that started with Mr. who taught me to drive a big motorbike and drive around for hours. He's nice, but he's still very attached to his ex. I didn't think to approach him. The second week was filled with college juniors but the same age.

And last week was filled with romeo. A name that probably still hurts if I have to hear it. The name that makes the story unique but sick. The name that made me try to get away from that city and from all the places he might go. The name that makes me feel so hurt. Maybe it's also because I'm having a lot of problems and the peak is about him.

5 years without any effort on guys, usually I'm just being chased by guys, but this time I'm trying to open my heart to him. I thought we would be one step closer, haha. I think I'll have a boyfriend soon. Even to make vsco again. But, he said "i have someone special". I know it's a relationship without status. he said redflag.

after what happened, i deleted everything about him, all the photos and memories that existed. I delete songs, photos, videos that might make me insecure. I do doubt myself. that's so wrong. I shouldn't doubt myself because I am an independent sigma woman who has high values.but I did not deny that he really destroyed me at that time.. Yes, I'm self-medicating. I'm struggling to make peace with myself. there is no better place than the house of my family and the house of my God. it all hurt at the time, until I started to go back to exercising.

I'm back to form my identity. I will come back stronger. for this year I hope not to return to that city. I hope to get an internship soon with a positive busy life and forget about him. yes I will learn to accept everything and surrender to God. yes I will face whatever happens. Everything will be fine.