10 Humans regret but I Do not!
Life carried on.
The winds of time moved the world, the sun shined everywhere illuminating the world.
The only place light didn't seem to exist was Nameless's heart.
Nameless had lost everything that was dear to him. His child, his wife, his career but most importantly his heart.
He was never the type of person with attachment issues, he was even prepared to abandon this world for a mere chance to go beyond it, even risking death in the process.
Yet he had truly loved Eve, she was his everything. He had given her his all and she had given him her all.
Yet in the end, the world took her from him.
It was this accursed world again!
Little by little, deep hatred began to nest in his heart, it consumed him.
Other than hatred was a deep sorrow. For he knew, he truly knew even when everything had gone well for him that this ending was inevitable, this world was impermanent after all.
But even if he had to lose her, couldn't he have lost her in their fifties or sixties dying of old age?
Why now? and why just when he was about to have a child?
Nameless was so in denial that he didn't even attend Eve's funeral. He couldn't believe she had died.
He was so in denial that he felt that if he just forgot about it, Eve would reappear. Even feeling that he was in some kind of dream or illusion.
He didn't even know how he had become so vunlerable to love yet here he was, everything he had feared before had come true.
The words in his youth seemed so true at this moment.
"All love is pain. The deeper the love, the deeper the pain."
Nameless was depressed for a long time even resorting to drugs in the end just to be able to cope. He was back to the situation he was in his youth.
When nothing offered a shelter, drugs were the only thing that offered a safe space yet drugs were like demons, seducing one before they took everything dear to oneself with no choice but to watch as their life came crashing down.
Nameless destroyed himself but he still kept his rationality. He was toughened by the waves of life after all. He wasn't the weak himself of before.
Yet there seemed something deeper had changed.
Overnight, his books stopped selling, people started avoiding him even knowing how much he had suffered. People he knew and was good friends with outright abandoned him. It seemed everything he had held on to had been taken from him.
It seemed he was back at square one again.
Yet it didn't take much for Nameless to realise something had really gone wrong.
The world that seemed so beautiful before finally revealed its ruthlesness and cruelty.
Catastrophies piled up, Nameless felt as if he was drowning in an abyss.
It barely took a few years before he started having financial difficulties.
Nameless didn't even know what was going on, it seemed as if the money he had gathered for so long had just disappeared overnight.
He tried writing books again but it seemed everything he tried failed miserably. even though his recent books were even more professional and well-written, he still lost readers and even the fans he had relied on for support before saw his work had suffered from severe quality drop to the point where the publishing company decided to terminate his contracts.
Nameless felt as if he was in a dream, how could such stark changes happen so fast?
"Get away from me, you whoreson! we did everything for you yet what did you even do? just ruin it! I should have never had you!"
Even his father showed his true colours when he had visited him while he was drunk.
Nameless wasn't moved by these words, he was used to them.
Catastrophies continued to happen.
He felt as if he was trapped in an abyss where only suffering existed.
"No, life didn't change. it was always like this and I knew it before but I was blinded by love, I wished that it was otherwise but it seems life would always show its true colours in the end."
He felt as if Fate had finally unveiled its masterplan, he had finally turned to love only for that love to be crushed and with it his heart.
He could almost hear Fate laughing at his pathetic existence.
"Why does my life have to be this way?"
He couldn't help but wonder.
It didn't take long for him to lose his house due to unpaid mortgage.
He had become homeless.
He slept in tents with sleeping bags, he had bought everything he needed to survive before getting a small construction job, getting a small appartment and trying to rebuild his life one more time.
Yet even then hardships never stopped, getting injured at work and fired repeatedly.
He would always have small accidents, getting into random altercations, getting stolen from or having random problems popping up.
Even the money he had saved had long been eaten by the passage of time.
He soon began to struggle to survive. one gust wind would leave him shivering on the streets.
Even begging didn't work, people only looked down on him when he asked for help as if he was lesser than human.
Even asking for help from people he knew didn't work, It seemed as if they never knew him.
Nameless didn't even know what was happening, his life was falling apart in front of him.
In these hard times, drugs were his only shelter and support yet it didn't take long before his health had been affected and he had ran out of his savings.
He was still homeless and struggling, in the middle of the cold winters, the rain, the starvation, the endless dark nights, the pain and solitude, there seemed to be no hope left for him.
Even the pain from losing Eve didn't stop yet, making him really miss her and his previous life.
Even making a few friends while homeless didn't seem to help much.
"Hahahaha this is what my life has come to hehehehe."
Nameless slowly turned insane atleast in appearence, it didn't take long before he didn't look different than any homeless person.
"Curse the day I was born in this garbage world!"
Nameless couldn't see any light, he didn't have hope nor did he desire it. All that kept alive was a rage against this world.
As time passed, his life only became more hellish yet Nameless didn't seem to mind it anymore, he had grown.
The passage of time and the hardships of life had forged him into a calmer more mature person. It even seemed he had finally made peace that he ultimately couldn't control life.
Days passed, soon days turned into weeks.
Weeks passed, soon weeks turned into months.
Months passed, soon months turned into years.
Years passed, soon years turned into decades.
Nameless had lost it all, he was now well into in his sixty's, everything had only gotten worse.
He had already lost most of his teeth, the sight looked horrifying when he smiled. He couldn't even remember the last time he had showered, his long white hair smelled badly. It had been years since the last time he had even been clean.
He lived his entire life in filth and disgrace. Living in such conditions eventually led him to getting peripheral arterial disease forcing him to have his leg amputated.
He now used a crutch made of wood to move, he didn't even have money for crutches to move around, let alone getting a prostethic leg.
Nameless also felt he didn't have long to live.
The amount of drugs taken throughout his life, although he had quit long ago but the damage was already too severe to be reversed and its effects were even more clear now.
Despite going through all these difficulties, he was still homeless and struggling yet in the middle of the cold winds, the rain, the hunger and starvation, the endless dark nights of despair, the pain and solitude, there was a stillness in Nameless's heart.
Even though he had disgusting freckles all over his face that had white pus, although he had lost most of his teeth, although he looked disgusting and people avoided him, although it was painful to exist in his body, although everyday was a struggle, although he had lost it all, he was still adamant on seeing it all through!
He was adamant on living his own life!
His journey had stretched for sixty years, a long time had passed, he had changed a lot yet at the same time nothing seemed to have changed.
No matter what life threw at him, no matter how the people berated him and looked down on him, no matter how much he starved and had to eat trash to survive, no matter how much his life became a blackhole of suffering and despair. no matter what he has gone through, what has been thrown at him and what he has faced;
Nameless was still himself!
in the stormy waves of life full of suffering and upheavels, of despair and loneliness, of trials and tribulations, Nameless found a deep stillness in his heart that even life itself couldn't shake.
Nameless in his lowest moments had realised that he didn't need to care about life or outside circumstances, he was always free in his attitude towards his life!
He didn't need to depend on people, on wealth, on health or even life itself to be himself!
He didn't have to depend on outside circumstances to be who he was nor did he have to change himself to fit life.
He was always free in being who he was regardless of what happened to him!
He was resolute in being himself to the very end!
Years of suffering had sharpened his perseverance even more, everything could be taken from him and he wouldn't bat an eye.
The path in front of him had stretched from his youth till now, the path in front of him seemed long and endless as if it would never end yet it seemed it was close to ending.
He had walked step by step through it all, through all the difficulties and challenges of reality, through all the despair and endless dark nights, step by step.
Even though he needed wooden crutches to walk now having lost his leg, it didn't feel any different than when he could walk freely nor did it feel different than when he was with Eve.
He had realised through time that he didn't live for Eve, even though he loved her, he lived first and foremost for himself!
Nameless thought as he was walking using his wooden crutches struggling to even carry himself.
He looked like an old man struggling for his last breath.
a beautiful woman appeared at distance in front of him, she looked gorgeous and stunning. She had an ancient, magical and ethereal feeling about her as if she was straight from a dream. Her purple eyes looked like purple shining crystals which in their light seemed to encompass life itself.
"What makes you persevere to this extent? you have lost everything yet you still want to keep walking. Why?"
Nameless was silent yet in his mind a thought resounded;
"Ever since I was born, I have always lived for others, I have always listened to others, I have always helped others while disregarding myself not knowing that all I ever had was myself. I, myself was all I ever had and will always have. I want to atleast for once live for myself!"
The woman's eyes shined and Eve appeared in front of Nameless.
Eve opened her eyes before tears came out : "Honey, let's go back home!"
a bit of hesitation appeared in his heart before Nameless spoke angrily in his rusty old voice to the woman with purple eyes;
"You manipulated me all the way, didn't you?! You can manipulate my emotions! I wouldn't have fallen this low if it wasn't for your own arrangments!!"
The woman couldn't help but be suprised but she nonetheless remained silent.
Nameless's mother appeared, Eve appeared, everyone Nameless had ever loved, everyone Nameless had ever known appeared yet Nameless kept walking forward as if they never existed for him.
The woman with purple eyes couldn't help but feel irritated.
The image of Eve took shape and became a flesh body, she didn't take long before she rushed to hug him.
"XXXX, do you not remember me? you know I loved you."
"That's not my name, my name is Nameless!! let go of me!!"
Nameless violently pushed her away before carrying on, he was almost limping while moving.
The purple woman was even more irritated making Adam appear on Eve's hands.
"P- Pa- Papa..."
Nameless felt his heart strings pulled, it hurt him in the depth of his being.
Yet from beginning to end, he had never stopped walking, even with his bent back, even when everyone he ever loved called for him.
He still moved forward, even with no end in sight, even when he had lost everything, even when everyone had turned on him, even when he had nothing left.
Nameless was still himself.
The woman couldn't help but be suprised "You?! How did you know it was all unreal?!"
Nameless passed by the woman before talking in his old haggard voice :
"It doesn't matter if its all real or unreal, a dream or reality, I will live my own Life till the very end! Let me out of Here!!!"
The small spark that was slightly burning in his heart at this moment ignited in a brilliant blaze, it seemed so hot that it could burn the whole world.
Cracks began to spread through the world before the world began to crack like glass.
These cracks spread from the sky to the ground before the whole world broke like glass!
The glass broke only to reveal a purple world.
The woman was shocked!
Even in the purple world, Nameless didn't stop walking, he kept moving even with his broken body.
The woman looked back only to be suprised even more, she knew his body would have shortly died in the illusory world.
Let alone now after the world had shattered, yet he was still alive and he didn't stop moving even after the destruction of the illusory world.
Nameless kept moving again and again before at last his body gave up on him and he fell.
Nameless had died.
